


Covert Affairs

by BleedingCoffee



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist, Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Havbec, Maes gets to live, Royai - Freeform, spy AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-12
Updated: 2015-02-20
Packaged: 2018-02-12 21:34:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 86,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2125431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BleedingCoffee/pseuds/BleedingCoffee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU spy fic: Roy and Riza are married however neither knows the other is a secret agent. Trying to lead two lives to protect the one you love sometimes becomes more than one person can handle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The New Recruit

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own FMA.
> 
> AN: First published FMA fanfic so bear with me as I'm still trying to juggle all the information and different worlds associated with this fandom. Thanks to insomnia I thought a AU story with a feel of Alias/Mr. And Mrs. Smith with an M rating was needed. Probably has been done, but what hasn't? And who doesn't want RoyAi smut? Having some fun, so hopefully you don't mind the read.
> 
> Summary: Amestris is a different world. War lingers on the horizon to the North and West and the military is more interested in espionage than genocide. Increased tensions between Creta and Drachma drew attention away from an extermination campaign in Ishval in order to protect the country from invasion. Creta has encouraged terrorist attacks while Drachma relies on espionage; Each country seeking to weaken the heavily militarized state of Amestris before starting a war. It's a Cold War, with tensions running high and everyone uneasy...but no official war to fight in the open.
> 
> Enter our heroes. Roy Mustang is a state alchemist and teaches at the military academy as his cover. When not talking down to cadets or forgetting to grade papers, he's at work with friend and partner Maes Hughes trying to stop terrorists from killing the good people of his country. At the end of the day he goes home to his wife Riza and pretends to be a boring professor instead of a government counter terrorism agent trying to save the world.
> 
> Riza Mustang is far from the secretary that her husband believes she is. To protect him from the dangers of her life as a spy she has to lie to him and he thinks she works at the First Bank of Amestris. Her codename is Hawkeye, one of country's best secret agents in the war against Drachma's ruthless spies. She's a crack shot, skilled in combat techniques, infiltration methods and the occasional undercover op. Her partner is Rebecca Catalina who handles armaments, intell and support.
> 
> Neither knows of the others secret identity.

 

* * *

_Covert Affairs_

Chapter 1

**The New Recruit**

* * *

Roy looked up from the newspaper as Riza served him his breakfast. "How did you say you got that cut on your lip again?"

She smiled. "It was stupid, I just walked into the filing cabinet like an idiot."

He frowned. She wasn't a clumsy woman, in fact she was far from it. He didn't really think much on it last night when he came home and she explained the injury but now it just didn't sit right with him. Accidents happened, but this seemed odd. "It looks a lot worse than it did yesterday."

"Eat your breakfast before it gets cold or you're late to work." She pushed his plate to him and looked at her reflection in the toaster. Damn, that did look bad. She cursed herself for letting that Drachma girl land a hit yesterday. She got careless and thought the other spy had already been subdued and went to grab the leaked intell before it floated down the sewer system. Stupid move. Now she was forced to lie to her husband yet again.

Roy didn't want to press the issue, but he couldn't recall filing cabinets being that tall in the office that she worked in. He mentally chided himself, he didn't need to question everything his wife told him. She wasn't the enemy. He had to save that for people who really required his scrutiny. He ignored the scrambled eggs and bacon and went over to molest her a little before they had to leave for work. "Sorry, didn't mean to make you self conscious."

Riza leaned into him as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pretended like his next move wasn't going to be groping her. She leaned back and placed a light kiss on his lips right before his right hand drifted up and began to rub the bottom of her breast. "Stop procrastinating. It's not setting a good example if you're always late."

"I say we skip breakfast and do something else on this table to start the morning off right."

She slapped his hand as he tried to snake his way into her blouse. "Go to work Roy. If you wouldn't stay up so late reading then maybe you could come to bed before I was asleep."

He frowned as she straightened her blouse and kissed him goodbye. Of course the only time he could do work in his study was after she went to bed. Last thing he needed was to come up with an explanation for the diagrams of incendiary devices he was studying. "Noted."

"Have a good day at work."

He nodded and replied. "You too."

She walked out of the house and wondered what was up with him lately. He was so tired and working so late, it had to be something having to do with his research. God knows, he'd never stay up to grade papers.

Roy rubbed his eyes and watched the toast she made for him pop out of the toaster. He was going to have to start going to bed sooner. He yawned and grabbed the toast and walked back over to the table then slid his eggs and bacon onto it to make a to-go breakfast sandwich. He looked down at the paper again and to the article about another explosion at one of the train depots. Well...maybe sleep was overrated.

He blinked at the clock and saw the time. He was glad that his cover was a lazy professor and he could stroll into class as late as he wanted. He made a mental note to make some plans for Friday night so he could take Riza out and get things back on track with them again. Last thing he wanted was his other life interfering with his home life. He needed a damned break.

* * *

Edward Elric's eyebrow twitched as his assignment made it's way back to him. His teeth ground together and he restrained himself from making an outburst in the middle of class. However he glared at the arrogant ass casually scribing equations on the chalk board and couldn't wait til he heard the bell and cornered the bastard in his damned office.

"Isn't Professor Mustang dreamy?"

Ed lost his concentration as he heard another giggle and a sigh. He looked to the two older girls beside him and frowned. He was granted admission to the academy several years early thanks to his unique skills as an alchemist. He was recruited by afore mentioned arrogant ass himself while he was on sabbatical and discovered that he and his brother Al had attempted human transmutation. That was a few years ago now, but even he had to admit he wasn't ready to handle college level material at that point. When it came time he sent in his application and was quickly accepted; apparently Mustang's recommendation meant something. Now he was two months into his freshman year and hadn't learned a damned thing except that Professor Mustang was a shitty teacher, never arrived for class on time and felt that his homework was a great resting place for his coffee and bacon sandwich. His high hopes of walking in and immediately taking his state certification were dashed and now he was looking at four long years sitting beside lovestruck teenage girls drooling over their teacher.

"I love his voice too. It's like...making love to my ears."

Ed slammed his fist on the desk and growled.

"Oh sorry kid, probably shouldn't talk about stuff like that around you." The second girl chirped.

Ed looked down at his paper and tried to ignore the whispers next to him as Mustang continued to drone on about the covalent and ionic bonds and kinetic energy required to make his equation work. He stared at the coffee cup ring and the grease stains that ruined his handwritten work . Then there were the words 'Interesting' scrawled across the bottom and 'B-'. Ed knew he didn't even bother to read the paper. Nobody thought alternative layouts of the periodic table was interesting, not even alchemists.

"I wish he taught anatomy."

"Shh...he's married."

"What a lucky girl."

Ed looked at his pencil and considered stabbing himself in the ears. He thought there would be some higher level of professionalism at the  _military_  academy but that seemed to not be the case. Even the military let horny fangirls in and employed lazy assholes who couldn't be bothered to be punctual. He looked up as the bell rang and grinned. Finally!

Roy waved non nonchalantly at the work on the board and threw down the chalk on the desk. "Alright, guess we'll start again tomorrow."

"Hey Mustang!" Ed stormed up, and held his paper up and brandished it at the man. "What the hell is this?"

"Your sub-standard work?" Roy replied and picked up his notes and walked to his office as the kid stood there looking like he was going to boil over and brain matter was going to start dripping out of his nose. He opened the door to his office and slammed the door, throwing his course notes on the pile of crap accumulating on the desk. He yawned and looked for his coffee mug as the door swung open and in marched the outraged Ed. "No, please come in. I insist."

"What the hell is this...grease doing on my paper?"

Roy filled up his coffee mug and smirked. "Next time I'll make sure it's more appropriate and use cocktail sauce."

"Did you just call me a shrimp!?"

"Nothing gets by you, does it?"

Ed shook with rage. "I spent hours researching this...wrote it twice...and you use it as a napkin!?"

"You need to figure out how to better manage your time." Roy added some sugar and cream and smiled. "A simple assignment like that is hardly worth hours of research."

"Here...want to use this as a coaster? Seems to be the only use you have for it!" Ed hollered.

Roy sipped his coffee and wondered how many years it was taking off Ed's life to be this dramatic and stressed out. "Lighten up kid."

"B MINUS?" Ed screamed.

Roy squinted to see what he wrote and shrugged again. "Make it more than interesting next time."

"You didn't even read it you asshole!"

"Why the hell would I? Who the hell wants to read about alternative layouts of the periodic table? Could you have picked a more boring subject?"

"AHHHHHH!"

"See,  _interesting_ that you chose the most mind numbing topic to research. Thought you'd be more creative." Roy tried not to smile as Ed threw his paper on the ground and sunk into the chair to try and pull his hair out. "Want some coffee? Clearly you don't have enough caffeine in your system already."

"Stop...antagonizing...me!" Ed stood up and glared at him and watched the bastard casually wander over to his desk and sit down. Mustang then put his coffee cup on a test that looked peculiarly like one he had taken earlier that week. He recognized his transmutation circle and leaned forward to see it was indeed his test. "You son of a bitch!"

"What now?" Roy sat down and shook his head. "Do you have something to actually talk with me about or do you think I'm here to council you on your anger because I can assure you it's not the case."

Ed clenched his fists. "Why did you help me get in here if all you want to do is force me to quit!"

"Who said anything about quitting? Really is this all it took to make you want to run back home?"

"I'm here to learn and from what I can see you don't actually teach shit in that classroom just bore the hell out of everyone who isn't drooling over you. What kind of alchemist are you?! You're supposed to seek truth, enjoy the work! You're supposed to help me get my certification!"

"When did I ever agree to that?" Roy asked and watched a vein twitch over his eye. He wondered when he should stop torturing him but it was all to easy. His phone rang and he frowned. So much for his fun. He leaned over to grab it and Ed threw his hands up in the air and mumbled something about lack of professionalism. "Mustang."

" _Hi Roy!"_

Roy sighed. Hughes was calling, that meant there had been another development in the bombing case. "Hi Maes."

" _Hey, free for lunch?"_

Roy watched Ed check out a picture on the wall before moving on to the stacks of unorganized books on the floor that were threatening to topple over. He really had been struggling with the decision to recruit Ed into the program and drag someone so young into the rather dismal world of counter terrorism. The kid's scores and work were off the charts. Even some boring as hell assignment like the one covered in bacon grease and coffee on the floor betrayed the gift the boy had for reading between the lines and pushing past documented research to find new information.

" _Roy?" Still there?"_

"Yeah, Maes." Roy sighed as Ed knelt down and tried to remove a book from the bottom of a precariously perched stack and failed, toppling the stack and creating a domino effect that was going to bury him under an avalanche of alchemy texts and research notes. However the kid surprised him and used his alchemy at the last second to transform the wave of literature into a fixed wall and save himself. Then he grabbed the book he wanted and stood up. "I'm bringing a student."

Ed turned around and was surprised when Mustang looked almost apologetic as he hung up the phone. "So...can I borrow this?"

"Sure. Come on, I'll buy you lunch." Roy stood, grabbed his coat and slung it over his shoulder before picking up a leather briefcase and coming over to stand in front of him.

"Really?" Ed narrowed his eyes at him. "Who was that on the phone? Am I in some sort of trouble?"

Roy shrugged and looked at the picture on the wall of him and Riza at some formal function. He was glad he didn't have to go home and tell her that the highlight of his day was introducing a fourteen year old into the world of hunting terrorists, defusing bombs and inspecting obliterated remains for ignition sources. At least that was one benefit of lying to his wife about his real profession. "Save your questions, you don't want to be late."

"Funny thing to hear from you." Ed went over and grabbed his bag, curious as to how a simple phone call could turn Mustang so serious. Shit! He really had to be in trouble.

"Might want to bring your homework with you in case they don't have enough napkins at the restaurant." Roy smirked as he walked out of his office and heard Ed blast another obscenity at him.

* * *

Riza shuffled some miscellaneous bank paperwork around and tried to pretend to be working when in reality she was replaying the morning's interaction with her husband though her head. She was wondering what the hell she did to make him act like he was avoiding her. She looked out the glass window of her office and into the lobby of the First Bank of Amestris. It was lunchtime so people were trying to get their banking done on their breaks. She needed to look like she was doing something or impatient customers were going to start staring her down wondering why the woman behind the glass wasn't behind the counter trying to help them with their banking needs. They didn't care if her official title was secretary to the president of the bank, they wanted to make deposits and go get lunch. She looked up as the door opened and her co-worker and fellow agent Rebecca Catalina entered and closed the door and leaned on it.

"Intel was not damaged and main office is pleased!" Rebecca walked forward and leaned over Riza's desk and chuckled. "You know, that lip looks like you got smacked around by your husband."

Riza shook her head and felt her lip. "I know. Roy wasn't sold on the file cabinet story either."

Rebecca rolled her eyes. "Yeah, must be hard being married to a brilliant man."

Riza sighed. "I hate lying to him. He thinks something is wrong, he was all over me this morning. He's worried something is going on that he doesn't know of."

"Mmm...really must be awful being married to a horny, handsome brilliant man."

"Becky, I'm being serious here. It's been weird lately. He's staying up late working, comes to bed at 3 am...I feel like he's avoiding me."

"Probably thinks your having an affair." She shrugged.

"That's not funny."

"You've been clocking a lot of overtime Riza, a LOT. Kind of hard to explain that around bankers hours." Rebecca sat on the desk. "Then last weekend we had to go out to East City to 'supervise the transfer to the eastern branch'. Even if we have great cover stories, about all men seem to see is that we're not there with them."

Riza narrowed her eyes. "So Jean is getting suspicious as well?"

"Yes, Mr. Havoc is smoking about three packs a day right now. So I'm thinking he's either going to die of heartbreak or lung cancer before I can ever get him in bed again."

"Please tell me we don't have another assignment." Riza replied. "I really need to spend time with Roy before he starts jumping to conclusions."

"Nothing on our plate at the moment." Rebecca smirked. "So planning some romantic topless dinner? Maybe let him doodle naughty transmutation circles on your chest?"

"Becky, really?"

"It's been a while. Jean's been working nights!" Rebecca growled.

"So, did the cleaning crew take care of that agent I left in the sewer?" Riza asked remembering she had to leave the spy's body lying down there in order to get home by five thirty. It took three showers with industrial strength shampoo to get that sewer smell out of her hair.

"Yup, she's been taken care off. Though they left the blood splatter on the walls down there to spook the kids and hobos that seem to be wandering the sewers these days. Not sure I want to know why that's even an option." Rebecca chuckled. "You really said you walked into a file cabinet?"

"I slipped up, I meant to say safe deposit box." Riza admitted.

"No wonder he thinks you're cheating on him. Who the hell has six foot tall filing cabinets in this building?" Rebecca sighed. "I guess the question is who do I give a tall file cabinet to in this building?"

"Any leads on how that information was compromised?"

"No, we're pretty sure it's really high up in the chain of command. Grumman said he's handling it himself." Rebecca watched Riza fade off, clearly deep in thought and knew the conversation was over. She figured it was best to excuse herself and go get lunch.

Riza nodded. That would be something her grandfather would take personally, something like that happening right under his nose in Central Command. She wondered how many of the top brass realized that the eccentric and paternal old man was really in charge of the countries secret intelligence agency. She remembered the day he had visited her at the academy and recruited her for the job she currently had. She was more relieved that his bizarre stash of womens clothes was for undercover work and not personal use, but also proud of her Grandpa for not only being one of the countries highest ranking Generals but also the head of it's efficient and unheard of espionage division.

She looked at the picture of her and Roy that she had on their desk. Grandpa had been thrilled that she married the boy who had spent his youth holed up in her father's study devouring manuscripts and books and mastering a dangerous art so young. It was the perfect cover and Roy was a really promising alchemist who could have a political career if he ever chose to pursue it. However Roy's assignment to the academy had stymied his ambition and he seemed to get way too comfortable behind a desk occasionally turning out some brilliant research just in time for his re-certification. She knew he was bored. She would be too if she didn't have an entirely separate life as a spy. She wondered if it was her fault, that her desperate need to keep a perfect cover had killed his desire to move into the spotlight. She might be able to kill an enemy spy with a snap shot in a dark and disgusting sewer, but when it came to Riza Mustang the domestic goddess she was boring as hell.

She missed him. Missed  _them_. She made a habit of never interrupting him when he was in his study, alchemists were notoriously very intense when working, however it might be worth breaking that rule just once. Yes, she could give him something better to look at than books and get any doubts out of his head with one spontaneous act. It was time to put some of her spy skills to use at home.


	2. Orientation

_Covert Affairs_

Chapter 2

**Orientation**

* * *

Roy played with the straw in his drink as Maes managed to pull out yet another picture of his daughter.

"And this one! Doesn't this make her look even CUTER!?" Maes waved the picture in front of his best friend and then quickly turned on Ed who was already sitting behind a stack of pictures on the other side of the table. "The most adorable little girl you've ever seen right!?"

"Who is this guy again?" Ed asked as Roy rolled up a piece of straw paper cover and put it in his straw, then shot him between the eyes with it. "GOD DAMMIT MUSTANG!"

Maes chuckled. "You'd make a great father Roy. Hey, you and Riza should come over Friday and see how much Elicia has grown! Maybe start thinking about little ones yourself, eh?"

"I have plans already." Roy said and looked to Ed who was still grumbling. "Lt. Colonel Hughes is with Military intelligence."

"Not much intelligence on that side of the table as far as I'm concerned." Ed growled.

Hughes cocked an eyebrow. "You should come meet my beautiful Gracia and Elicia!"

"What? I don't even know you!"

"You have to be homesick!" Maes smiled. "Some good home cooking might change your mind about that! I remember the food from my time as a cadet, it was...creative."

"Well..."Ed narrowed his eyes at Mustang. "What exactly are you trying to pull here?"

"You said you wanted help with your certification." Roy said dryly. "Here it is. Colonel Hughes is going to help you with the field work portion of your exam."

"What? Really?"

Maes wondered why Roy was dragging his heels on this one. It had been him after all who brought the kid into the academy, why was he suddenly having second thoughts? "You sort of recommended him, you have to sign off on it too."

Ed saw that weird look on Mustang's face again. Like he was guilty of something. "What exactly is this about? Am I getting certified or expelled?"

"We can't talk here." Maes elbowed Roy and made him get his brooding ass out of the way so he could get out of the booth. "So tell me, have you been keeping up with the news recently?"

"Yeah, how can I not? My brother is out wandering around Central while I'm in class learning nothing. Bombs going off around town, I worry he just might be in the wrong place at the wrong time." Ed wondered why Mustang wasn't saying anything. This had a really weird feeling about it. Like all those kidnapping radio PSAs he had been subjected to as a kid.

Roy threw some money on the table and reached for his black coat as Ed shot him another look. Well, he was definitely observant even if he was still naïve and rude as hell. He followed them out of the cafe and to the pawn shop next door that was a safe house and drop station. He looked at the man behind the counter and asked "Are we secure?"

"Yes sir, we are." Came the reply from the agent behind the counter. A grizzled old perverted sergeant who seemed to enjoy his job sitting on ass in a dusty old pawn shop reading used pornography. "Got some new tentacle porn in for you Mustang."

Roy glared at him as the man chuckled and Ed gasped. "Sargent McClellan, I look forward to the day when I get orders to retire you...  _permanently_."

Maes opened up an atlas on the counter and pushed it to Ed. "Look Ed, our country is currently under attack from an enemy we can never see until it's too damned late. Creta has openly embraced their terrorists plots to keep us off balance and prevent us from starting a war with them. Sadly, until we can eliminate these threats the public will never back a war that takes our soldiers from home defense and puts them on the offensive."

"Ok." Ed inched closer to Hughes who seemed to be the least perverted man in the room. "Thanks for the lesson on current events."

Roy spoke up. "Colonel Hughes and I are part of our government's anti-terrorism agency. We work undercover to try and get ahead of these threats and when we can't...we try to make sense of the destruction to prevent it from happening again. What you hear about in the news is a small percentage of what actually happens. So to answer your question from earlier, we're trying to recruit you into our agency to work with us in order to put a stop to these unethical and horrible attacks. Unfortunately it means taking on a secret life and never being able to tell anyone you care for what you really do for a living."

Ed raised his eyebrows. "You want me to be a spy?"

"God no," Roy snorted. "That kind of shit only exists in fiction. You think we have a bunch of hot women running around in the shadows slitting throats and trading secrets? How naive are you?"

"I have one of those comics if you're interested." McClellan held up the hentai.

"Shut up Sergeant." Roy snapped. "One more word out of you and I burn that hand of yours so bad you'll slough skin off if you try to masturbate with it."

"Wow, they really don't like each other." Ed said and Hughes smiled.

"He's an irritating old man. " Maes said. "Ed, it's something you have to really think about. Roy and I...we have to lead double lives. It's taxing and it can be a bit overwhelming on top of the already difficult job we're tasked with. I have to go home and lie to my wife and tell her I sat behind my desk all day and did paperwork when I was actually picking through bodies looking for the suicide bomber who killed three families and a dozen soldiers returning home from the front. It is not a job anyone wants, but it has to be done."

"So...you aren't really going to help me get my certification? You just want me to help with the bomb squad?" Ed asked and saw Mustang lean over a counter and pull out a tray of jewelry.

"No," Roy picked up a nice looking necklace and inspected it to determine if it was fake or a genuine article. "I'll get you in for your test tomorrow if you're ready. I can't have you commissioned and assigned to our unit if you're a cadet. However you do need to maintain your cover as a student so we can keep you close and a part of this team in Central."

"Sleeping on the couch are we?" McClellan asked as he saw Mustang picking out jewelry.

"Pity to waste this on your eyes, Sargent."

"I'm in." Ed said.

"Try to mull over the life altering decision, Edward." Roy put the tray back and pocketed the necklace. "It's not something you can go back and change. You're in this for life."

"Why would I go back on this? I want to protect my friends and family. Why wouldn't I help do that?" Ed asked.

Maes replied softly. "Because you can never be yourself with them again."

"I'm here to become an alchemist to get my brother's body back. I'll join your secret team if it means I can stop other people from losing their families."

"Well in that case," Roy stood and grabbed the brown bag that McClellan was offering to him. Whatever intel they were receiving would be inside the degenerate hentai the bastard was pretending to sell him. "We have work to do."

"Already?" Ed asked

"Yup." Maes said. "Time to get your feet wet...literally. Unfortunately that means we're going down into the sewer system to inspect a mess some hobo stumbled on."

"Also means you need to take Colonel Hughes up on Friday night dinner and I need to change my plans with my wife." Roy sighed. "So we can bring you up to date on what's going on."

"Ok, so it's making sense now." Ed said. "I mean, I couldn't imagine an asshole like you really being married to a real woman. It's some cover right? I mean to look like a normal guy?"

"No." Roy snapped. "I'm  _really_  married."

"How? Your people skills suck!"

"I like the kid!" McClellan leaned back in his chair and smiled.

"Nobody asked you." Roy glared at him.

"I also thought I couldn't do anything to help unless I was commissioned already." Ed reminded him.

"Well, you've got a good memory." Maes said impressed. "This is just a routine investigation into something suspicious. Nothing anyone can't just jump down a manhole and look at."

"I want to make sure you won't wuss out on us at the sight of blood." Roy said. "Make you really consider what you're getting into. Someone was executed down there and it's mild compared to what we deal with on a daily basis."

"What's in the bag?" Ed asked.

"Intel." Roy said as the Sergeant chuckled behind him. "Not...another...word."

"For his eyes only." McClellan smirked and winked at the poor kid.

"I feel dirty already and I haven't even been in the sewers yet." Ed grumbled.

* * *

Riza smiled at her grandfather as he reiterated the story of how he walked in on Brigadier General Whitman molesting his secretary and how the man ended up with a broken wrist, shattered office chair and a rather obese and sweaty man as his new secretary. "Well the Whitmans have always been rather...promiscuous."

"That might put a stop to that for a while." Grumman smirked. "So, how is work?"

"Getting a little tired of all the personal assignments I have to handle." She put a spoonful of sugar in her tea. "Wish they'd hire some help."

"Oh?" Grumman raised his eyebrows. He was surprised she seemed to be wearing down, but he imagined it had more to do with not being home than being burnt out. "What's Roy been doing with himself? I hear he's nobody's favorite teacher at the academy unless you're a hapless teenage girl looking to daydream."

"He must be working on some research, he's been really focused recently."

"Nothing I'm aware of." Grumann smiled and chuckled. "Maybe you should ask him?"

"Works been..." She looked up at him and saw the sympathy. "Keeping me away."

"I know, you two should come to that stupid party they're having." Grumman pretended to have to think about it. "General whats his name is retiring."

She nodded and sipped her tea. So he was calling in help on this one? She looked at his twinkling eyes and wondered if he had a lead on the leak or if he was hoping some wine would loosen some tongues. "That might be nice. I haven't seen Roy in a tux in a while."

"I'll get you an invite!" He leaned closer and chuckled. "Generals don't retire everyday, maybe if Roy is a little more interested in something other than the library I can push for him to get a more prestigious post."

"It's all paperwork to him. It's all he really sees anymore." She said sadly. It seemed like as soon as he got his Colonel's stars that he was happy to just turn around and accept the teaching job and rot away in Central. Five years ago it had been the State Alchemists who had stepped in and crushed an uprising in Ishval after the intelligence division traced weapons back to Aeurgo. It was a quick move preventing what had seemed like an attempt to start a campaign to wipe out an entire culture. Roy seemed rather critical of the chain of events that set the military's sites on Ishval, but highly suspicious of the events that turned their eyes to the South to blame someone else. Roy came out of that minor conflict with two promotions, then came home to her and settled down. A little too settled. She didn't know what happened out there to make him so happy to just make a life in Central. She could only suspect it was his flame alchemy and it's use in dealing with the enemy that left him unwilling to press for further promotion. She had been in training while he was away and couldn't maintain contact without getting kicked out of spy school. He came home and proposed, she said yes and pretended to quit the military. However now her grandfather was instructing her to renew his interest and try to push for an opening in Central HQ. She didn't want him involved though, if he had any interest in doing more than teaching than he would have already pursued it.

"Well, just mention it." Grumman knew she was hesitant to ask her husband to get off his ass and do more than hide behind textbooks but with a war coming he needed someone else in Central he could trust. "Does he even practice his alchemy anymore?"

"Lights candles...the fireplace." She shrugged. "Mainly interested in teaching now."

"Humpf." Grumman wondered where the hell the ambition went.

* * *

Another shot ricocheted off the stone walls of the sewer system under the streets of Central. Roy glared at Maes. "Simple crime scene investigation, huh?"

Maes shrugged and checked his pockets for some coins he could hand Ed who was hastily trying to construct a mirror to give Roy a view around the corner. With gas lines and sewer gas present, his attack would have to be extremely precise in order to avoid blowing them up. "Well apparently not Roy. Sorry."

"No wonder you two need help." Ed mumbled and sorted out the coins and hoped he had enough to make a simple reflective device. "After this however, you better get me into that exam first thing in the morning. Not getting shot at and blown up if I can't leave my brother a death benefit."

"That from the fourteen year old." Roy mumbled and pressed his back against the wall his hand poised to snap and send a line of fire as soon as the kid followed through with his part. He eyed the oily film on the top of the nasty sewer water and knew the run off from the cars in the street would ignite all too easily. He had to be very careful with his next move. "Any day now Ed."

"Shut it Mustang. I don't see you doing anything but standing there posing like a centerfold." Ed looked up at him remembering what he lifted from the pawn shop. "Still have that necklace? I think a little silver might do the trick."

"That...is for my wife."

"Don't be a dick. Buy her something nice instead of stealing it from some geriatric pervert's pawn shop."

Maes shrugged. "He has a point."

"Fine." Roy reached in his pocket and threw the necklace at him. He watched the blond teenager craft a mirror out of pocket change and stolen pendant.

Maes grinned and took the mirror. "Nice work!"

"Thanks. Glad I could be here to save your asses."

Roy smirked. "Why don't you hold it and wade out there so the enemy can shoot at you while I target them?"

"You do it." Ed came back. "With all the shit that comes out of your mouth I bet you'd be camouflaged pretty well."

Maes chuckled. "Really sad that I'm looking forward to you two working together. You should have your own comedy hour on the radio."

Roy waited for Maes to toss the reflective plate into the main channel and focused on the muzzle flash before snapping his fingers. He smiled as he heard the cursing, signifying he hit his mark.

Maes leaned out into the main causeway and saw the smoldering fabric in the dim sewer only lit by their dropped flashlights and fired three times before hearing the body hit the water.

"So much for asking questions." Ed said and watched both men look down at him. "What? We just kill everyone?"

"Either this is a Cretian looking to blow someone up or a spy from Drachma with a cyanide pill already clenched in his teeth." Roy informed him. "Either way there was no talking and he was probably trying to take one of us out with him."

"Right." Ed nodded.

"First day Roy, cut him some slack." Maes said and reached for his flashlight to ensure there were no other people lurking in the dark before he gave the all clear to emerge from their alcove.

"Not when slack gets you killed faster." Roy responded and prepared to back up his partner as they advanced on their attacker. "Stay here Ed."

"Right." Ed nodded and realized there was a lot about this job he didn't consider.

Maes reached over and pulled the body by the pant leg closer to them. "Drachma."

"Think this has something to do with that blood splatter?" Roy asked and looked at the reason they were down here. It looked like some unlucky individual had the back of their head shot off.

"Now we have to worry about them using the sewers as a mode of transportation under the city?" Maes pulled the body back to the alcove where they had entered. He forgot Ed was waiting on them and saw his wide eyes before he could rethink it.

Roy sniffed his glove and realized the nasty sewer stench was probably already ingrained in the clothing and hair and not just their sinus passages. He looked up as Ed stood blocking their path. He cleared his throat. "Can you take care of this Maes? I think Ed and I need to get to the safe house and get cleaned up before we go back to society smelling like a septic system."

"Mind calling in for me?" He asked. He wanted to spend a little time alone down here looking for clues and he wasn't all too keen on the idea of dragging the corpse up those stairs by himself. Let the cleaning crew handle it, they'd dismember the body and pack it out in no time.

"Not at all." He tried to sound chipper as he grabbed Ed's jacket and pulled him towards the ladder that would take them back up to street level. "Lets go kid, time to find out what alchemy has done to advance the science of odor killing shampoo and soap."

Maes looked down at the body as they left. He narrowed his eyes at the mess on the other wall. What the hell were they going to do to stop people who acted like sewer rats from infiltrating the city?


	3. Dirty Little Secrets

 

_Covert Affairs_

Chapter 3

**Dirty Little Secrets**

* * *

Rebecca trotted across the street and caught up with Riza. She bumped the other woman with her arm and smiled. "How was lunch with Grandpa?"

Riza looked around as they walked their way back to the bank and determined there was nobody close enough to overhear her. "He's asked me to go to the retirement party this weekend. I guess he's reached a dead end on his investigation into the leak."

"Hmm..." Rebecca smirked. "Roy in a tux, huh?"

Riza let a smile touch her lips in a rare display of girlish glee. She couldn't help it. "Yeah, I'm not too upset about that."

"So, you need backup?"

"I think an room full of old Generals and politicians will be something I can handle. You should take the night off."

"Thank God." Rebecca breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe she really could spend some time with her boyfriend before she was an old shrew.

Riza stopped as they walked past the local dress shop. She looked in the window and thought about how much she was really looking forward to spending some time with her husband. It had been tense recently, with one of them always working overtime it was hard to see each other. Whatever he was working on had him focused and she knew the only way to get his attention was to give him something else to obsess on. "I'll meet you back at work."

Rebecca knew what the other woman was thinking. "Lucky man."

Riza blushed as her friend chuckled and left her to go into the store by herself. It was silly that she could still be embarrassed by something so simple as buying sexy lingerie to surprise the man she married, especially considering some of the rather risque outfits she had to wear in the line of duty. However this wasn't just clothing when it came to him, it was something special. He'd understand that as soon as he set his eyes on her wearing it, which would be two seconds before his brain stopped functioning and he pounced her. She blushed a little more. Yes, it really had been a bad month and she wanted to make up for it. She smiled at the clerk and walked back to the other room where the 'unmentionables' were and picked out something that would get his nose out of the books.

* * *

Roy Mustang was rarely surprised by things that crossed his desk these days. Between the incoherent ramblings of students, reports of terrorist acts and incredible advances in alchemy he had seen quite a bit. However he was always surprised by how vast the world of sexual fetishes were and how easily Sergeant Dan McClellan could find these hentai books to add to the collection in the pawn shop. He knew the old pervert did it on purpose just to see if he could finally find something so depraved that even the Flame Alchemist would refuse to decipher it. Tonight was not that night, however he had to say if he ever read the phrase 'automail penis' again he was probably going to wash his eyes out with soap.

There was a very light squeak that broke quiet of the night that was barely distinguishable above the monotonous ticking of the clock. Roy stopped his decoding and froze. He held his breathe and listened while his eyes scanned his study. He waited to see if he was just imagining things or his tired mind was telling him to just give up and go to bed. He sat there still as a statue for at least two minutes with his pencil poised on his notebook, his shallow breaths the only thing he could hear besides the ticking of the clock. His eyes drifted to said clock and he determined that 2am was probably late enough and he should call it a night. He rubbed his weary eyes and bent down and opened the safe that was integrated into his desk.

Riza smiled like a child sneaking downstairs on Christmas morning as she slipped into the study without being heard. She was careful to avoid the squeaky board and happy that the graphite worked its magic on those squeaky hinges. Her eyes locked into the hunched form of her husband opening his safe and his hand reach up on the desk for a notebook to store it away for the evening. She pulled the string on her sheer robe and let it billow behind her as she finally used her stealth spy skills for something fun. She almost couldn't control her breathing she was so excited and she knew there was an mischievous grin plastered on her face. She tip toed to his desk and smiled as she imagined his face when he looked up and saw the lingerie she was wearing. The thoughts of what would come after started to tingle other places. She stood there for a moment and waited. Then another. Apparently he was going to take his sweet ass time reorganizing his safe tonight while she stood there half naked waiting to surprise him. She looked down at a brown paper bag setting on the floor and knocked it over with her foot to alert him to her presence.

Roy almost jumped out of his skin as he heard the bag from the pawn shop tip over. He sat up and stared at the most amazing sight: his beautiful wife standing there wearing sexy black lingerie and a sheer robe. His heart stopped and for a moment it was perfect: Her beautiful eyes glistening with lust, a mischievous grin gracing her lips, her blond hair cascading over her shoulders and her muscular and perfect body wrapped up in a sheer fabric and some tantalizing silk and lace neglige. His heart began to pound and and at that moment he thanked God that he was such a lucky man. Then he watched her eyes drift down and her smile fade as she realized there was a magazine with a schoolgirl being raped by a tentacle monster on the floor. Right then he wanted to ask God what the hell he ever did to him to deserve this.

Riza had encountered many surprising things in her career, most of which she didn't react to. This however, was not one of them. She felt the smile melt off her face and be replaced by a scowl as her eyes locked on to a pile of hentai doujinshi on the floor of her husband's study. She looked up at him and saw it on his face: the shock, panic and embarrassment of a man caught doing something perverse and downright stupid.

Roy felt like he had sucked all the oxygen out of the room with his alchemy, but he knew it was simply with his own negligence. Why the hell did he put that bag there? "Riza, I can explain."

She bent down and picked up the top comic with the octopus and a crying adolescent schoolgirl. She felt her jaw clench and stood up. "Really? This is what you're doing down here all night while I'm waiting for you in our bed?"

Roy swallowed hard and tried to come up with any reason why he would have porn in his study that wouldn't make him look like a pervert. Unfortunately right now she wouldn't even believe him if he told her the truth: that their government used hentai to pass information around the country about terrorist attacks and he was one of the few mentally capable of deciphering it thanks to his intelligence. Intelligence that was clearly not part of the equation when he put that bag there four hours ago. "I...well..."

"God Roy really? Seafood and teenage girls is what gets you off? This is why you've been avoiding me?"

He wished he could say he confiscated it from a student but he knew there was an open book on his desk that involved an automail enhanced man and a meek nurse. He watched her rage grow and he knew he had to say something. He finally blurted out, "A habit I picked up during the war."

She watched his sad brown eyes beg for forgiveness as he finally overcame his panic. Usually she maintained her calm no matter what but standing there in front of him after being so excited all day to walk in wearing the damned lingerie she knew he'd go wild over, she was just going to be his pissed off wife. "Burn it."

He blinked at her. Well this just got worse by the minute! He hadn't even finished decoding the one on his desk more or less thought about the ones in the bag. That intel would be lost if he caved in. He better get a damned medal for this someday. He painfully uttered the words " I can't"

"You can't?" She snapped and threw the book at him. "Or won't?"

"Riza..."

"Save it Roy." She finally spun around and marched out of his study and went to change into something else. What the hell happened? When did she lose her husband to a porn addiction? She felt about ready to cry. Her! Hawkeye, the country's best spy was blindsided by her own husband's fetish. How the hell didn't she see this?

He closed his eyes. He didn't even know how to begin to make up for this. All he knew was that the only way out of this now was to pretend to be a closet pervert and ask his wife's forgiveness. He gathered up the damned books and locked them up in his safe then turned out the light and took a deep breathe before walking upstairs to admit he was something he wasn't. Now was the time to recall all those memories of the degenerates that frequented Madam Christmas's establishment and try to channel their depraved and desperate personas. Ugh. That only made him feel worse knowing he was going to pretend to be one of those low lifes and convince his wife he was just that.

Riza threw the stupid robe off as she walked into her bedroom and quickly wiggled out of the lingerie and kicked it into the corner. She slipped into something more comfortable and could help but ask herself where the hell she went wrong. How exactly did they get to this point in their marriage where her husband had to hide in his study and look at sex with sushi in order to get off? Especially when she was up here and would have loved to have some attention! She knew he was on his way up here and didn't want to be crying when he arrived so she tried her best to be the professional agent in her own home. Something she never wanted to do.

Roy cautiously peaked into his bedroom as he watched her put a shirt on and jump into bed. He wasn't really sure how to go about admitting to something like this. He sure as hell didn't want to see the hurt on her face either. However there was really only one way out of this and he stepped forward and watched her flip over and give him the cold shoulder. "Riza, can you let me try and explain?"

"I think I can figure it out without hearing you tell me you prefer what you see in that comic to what you have here in this bed with me."

He felt like the wind had been kicked out of him as those words cut deep. It would do no good to tell her that she was the only woman he needed. He was just going to blame this on the war, it was the easiest excuse. Just blame it on being lonely and leave it at that. "Look when I was away in Ishval ...I just needed something to keep my mind off how damned much I missed you. Well, it's not like there is a huge selection of adult reading materials when you're at war and you sort of just take what you can get."

She sat up in bed. "What's your excuse now? Now that you have a wife waiting for you to come to bed?!"

He could see tears welling in her eyes and hated himself for creating this situation. Bad enough he lied about what he was doing, but now he was lying about something worse to cover it all up. "Just became an addiction."

"So I'm not enough for you anymore?"

He walked to the bed and fell to his knees beside her. "Please don't think that. Riza I love you, you know that."

"I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you Roy." She looked at him and saw the apologetic eyes. "The war was five years ago!"

"I've been stressed at work and..." God this was never going to end. "I'm sorry. I can't say that enough Riza."

"I don't even want to look at you right now." She felt the tears at the corner of her eyes and shook her head. "Go back to your study and enjoy sleeping with your books tonight."

He watched her pull the blankets up and her head hit the pillow to end the conversation. How could he expect her to understand, she had no idea the kind of world they really lived in. She had no idea the things he did to protect her and his country and it would stay that way. He stood and went back to his study to think about his new addiction and how he was going to sell that lie. Dammit. Work wasn't supposed to spill over to home, he was getting sloppy. He should have just stayed at work and written it off as another late night doing research! Well what was done was done and tomorrow he was going to have to start a new life as Roy Mustang the pervert porn addict.

* * *

Roy leaned back in the uncomfortable chair and stared at the ceiling as Maes cackled and slapped his hand on his desk . "Thanks for the support, buddy."

Maes wiped tears away. "If it was me, you would have already peed your pants laughing."

"Well, now you're an accomplice because I'm sure she's going to ask you about the war and my dirty little secret."

Maes started to laugh again. "You really went up and confessed to being an addict? Seriously?"

"She thinks I want to fuck fish, Maes! This isn't funny!"

"It is Roy, it really is." He started to laugh again and tried to collect himself. "And you're supposed to be good with women!"

Roy was so tired he couldn't really think straight anymore. The morning hours had been spent developing a timeline for his back story. Then he tried to come up with some sort of plan for "rehab" and ended up with a dead end. Mainly because sex with his wife was no longer an option. "I need your help coming up with a damage control plan."

"You should ask Sergeant McClellan! You can be his apprentice! I bet this is how he started down his road to being a pervert bridge troll guarding the pawn shop on Broad street."

Roy ground his teeth. Well that was over the line. Comparing him to that disgusting bastard who was as much at fault for all this as anyone. The option was there for something simple as a standard porno that he could have easily explained away as 'inspiration' but tentacle sex was something nobody could explain. Probably ever. "Really? This is my wife Maes! Not some undercover agent. My wife! Think about how devastated Gracia would be if this was you!"

Maes quit laughing and thought about it. "Well...since you put it that way..."

"Not funny anymore is it?" Roy rubbed his face and moaned. "I don't even know what I was confessing to last night. "

"We can fix this." Maes said and watched his best friend tilt his head forward and glare at him. "Or at least try to curb the damage."

"I think finding the philosopher's stone would be a more realistic goal." Roy shook his head and let his head fall back over the top of the chair so he could stair at the tin ceiling tiles.

"Look, send some flowers. Did you tell her about dinner at my house tonight?"

"No, I was too busy destroying my marriage."

"Ok, well it will be perfect then. A dinner with friends might make things easier than you two sitting alone in your kitchen listening to the plaster crack. "

"Sounds...reasonable." Roy stared at the blades of the ceiling fan wishing the damned thing would fall and end his miserable existence.

"How about counseling?" Maes suggested.

"For a problem I don't have?" Roy sat up and stared at his friend. "Oh and never mind the repercussions when it ends up on my record and gets me fired because I work with kids for a living!"

"Yeah, that would be bad." Maes shrugged. "Want me to talk to her?"

"No. That's so much worse." Roy changed the pitch of his voice to mimic Maes and said "So Sorry Riza, let me show you pictures of his road to dispair! Oh the academy, those were the automail fetish years! Look at this picture we took back in Ishval, he was wanking to midget porn back then! That's why he looks so tired!"

Maes thought about it. "I could be really convincing. Tell her some heart wrenching story about how I had to pry you away from your magazines as you sat hunched in the corner of your tent refusing to go to work. I could sell it."

"It's embarrassing enough for her. " He sat up and ran his hands through his hair. "She's probably sitting at her desk at work trying to not cry. Betrayed and hurt, trying to pretend to work on allocation reports and not see the image burned into her retina of a little girl being probed by tentacles!"

* * *

"Wow." Rebecca tried to get her head around all of that. "That really makes the smoking look like a virtue. I think I'll buy Jean a carton when I get home."

Riza shook her head. She was glad she had a friend to confide in but some things she never really wanted to have to talk about. However she had to clear her mind of it all before she repelled down the side of this abandoned building and into the former warehouse office space below. Last thing she needed to be thinking about was a slimy squid when she was supposed to be eliminating the support staff for the spies they had been slowly killing off in the sewer system.. "All I can think about is that somehow it's my fault for neglecting him. This isn't the man I married."

"Apparently it is. He said this went back to Ishval?"

Riza still couldn't believe any of this. She read people like a book, it's what she did for a living! How could she not see him so unhappy that he'd resort to reading that crap! The answer was clear as day, she couldn't see it because she was hardly ever home anymore. "We need a new recruit. Handling everything ourselves is getting to be ridiculous."

"Did you check his safe this morning?" Rebecca knew the answer, of course she did.

"Empty." Riza was more concerned that his safe was a little more difficult to crack as it was a more advanced model and military grade. Something she dismissed as probably something he ordered through work. He was still a state alchemist and a Colonel in the military, they would give him whatever he asked for.

"I bet the make up sex is going to be heavenly." Rebecca watched those eyes dart to her behind the ski mask and shrugged. "What? It's not like you're going to be pissed forever. You love the guy."

"I'll keep that in mind when I'm murdering people down there." She checked her gun and made sure the silence was screwed on tight. "I'm ready when you are."

* * *

Ed dangled his new pocket watch in front of Mustang's face. "Maybe now I can get some respect around here!"

"I'm sure the other members of the lollipop guild will be thrilled to welcome you as their Mayor." Roy mumbled and stood up from the park bench in Central command's courtyard as Maes chuckled.

"Ed, probably best you don't push the Colonel too far today. He gets cranky when he doesn't sleep." Maes pulled the kid back to the bench and made him sit down. "That was a pretty quick exam. I thought it took weeks to process everything."

Roy jumped to attention as he heard a chuckle behind him and looked to see their Furhur approach. "Sir!"

"At ease Colonel." Furhur King Bradley smiled as he handed the young man his certificate. "I wanted to personally deliver this considering you were so kind to show me the weakness of my security staff. Congratulations, Edward Elric."

Roy made a mental note to ask exactly what the dumb shit did to get that comment. He however wasn't going to bring it up in front of Bradley.

"Fullmetal Alchemist." Ed beamed as he read the certificate. "Thank you sir!"

"Well done Colonel Mustang, I'm impressed with your find." Bradley smiled and nodded his goodbye. "Keep up the good work gentlemen."

Roy looked over at the young man checking out his new pocket watch and beaming like an idiot. "So, what did you do to earn that title?"

"I tried to kill him." Ed said and looked up as both men seemed to pale. "What? He was just standing there what was I supposed to do, kiss his ass?"

"Yes." Roy replied with a growl. "It's customary to do a little ass kissing in a job interview, not try and assassinate the leader of our country."

"Well it worked." Ed showed him his watch and stuck out his tongue. "So kiss  _my_  ass Mustang!"

Roy stepped over to where he was sitting on the bench so he could look down at him and make sure that the kid was in his shadow for added dramatic effect. "Welcome to the military Major Elric. As of right now, you're no longer some smart-assed student. You're an officer in our army, a state alchemist, a member of my team and also my subordinate. Welcome to adulthood, now put your watch away and start acting like a big boy because I have no problems kicking your ass to the curb and leaving you with nothing but that smart assed mouth of yours to make a living. Trust me, in Central that's not a pretty option."

"You really do need your beauty sleep don't you?" Ed mumbled and put his watch away.

"I report directly to the Furhur." Roy informed him. "I pushed for this exam this morning and you waltzed in there and tried to kill him. So, how do you think that reflects upon me?"

Maes nudged the young man and whispered. "Just say thank you so we can meet the others, huh?"

"Thanks." Ed said and watched Mustang roll his eyes. He looked up as two men approached. One kinda slimy looking and the other smoking like a chimney.

"Gang's all here." Maes mumbled.

"Fullmetal, this is our night crew. Lt Jean Havoc and Lt. Colonel Solf Kimblee." Roy watched Kimblee smirk, ready to crack a joke about the new kid already. "Gentleman, Major Edward Elric, the recently christened Fullmetal Alchemist."

"Recently christened is right." Kimblee chuckled. "You even cut the umbilical cord yet Mustang?"

Havoc gave the kid a salute and knocked some ash from his cigarette. "Well Chief, I hope this means I get a reprieve from babysitting him."

Kimblee rolled his eyes as the man blew smoke in his direction. He smirked at the hostile little kid and looked up at Roy. "He's got your scowl, but his Mom's hair. Where you been keeping the brat all these years? Boarding school?"

"He's not my kid." Roy snapped.

Kimblee chuckled as both the kid and Mustang shot him the same nasty look. "Sure. So let me guess you want me to show him the ropes?"

"Run him through orientation tonight." Roy instructed. "Havoc, I'm trusting you with Ed."

"Don't trust me?" Kimblee asked.

"Of course not." Roy hissed. "Bad enough I just employed a teenager, I'm not leaving him in the care of a sociopath."

"I thought I was going to dinner tonight and getting real food." Ed said. He was looking forward to that after it was dangled in front of his eyes and Al seemed pretty excited to meet the teacher he was always bitching about.

Roy forgot about that. Damned Hughes and his need to invite everyone over to his house! He stood there and debated about whether or not he wanted to have the distraction of the Elrics at dinner or the awkward silence for company if it was him and Riza watching Maes's perfect family interact. Then again she might not even want to come with him. Well it was already set in motion so why not go with it. "No, you should go to dinner. It will make it easier for Hughes to explain why you disappear for half the night and give your brother somewhere to stay where you don't have to worry about him."

"Easier for me to explain?" Maes asked.

"You'll come up with something." Roy assured him.

"Like what? Alchemist initiation party?" Maes asked and watched Roy shrug.

"It's not a lie." Kimblee chimed in and winked at the kid. "You can show me yours and I'll show you mine."

"Is there something in the water around here or is every adult such a pervert?" Ed asked as Kimblee flashed him the array drawn on his hands. Now he had some memories of those sexual predator PSAs on the radio and that catchy song 'Don't pet the trouser snake'. He shuddered.

Roy frowned. If he only knew half of what was going on. "Havoc, you have my permission to shoot Kimblee if you need to."

"Define 'need'." Havoc mumbled and sighed knowing the man was only half serious.

"Wait..." Ed finally did the math. "When the hell do I sleep!?"

"Welcome to the glorious world of covert ops." Maes smiled. "Caffeine is your new best friend."

"Alright, dismissed." Mustang snapped. His mind had already moved on to the next task of convincing his wife to come have dinner with them. "Havoc, make sure Ed and his brother make it to Maes's for dinner, would you?"

"Yes sir." He sighed. He wished that someday someone would give a damn about him making it to his dinner date.

"Then disappear for a while and take that rather hyper girlfriend of yours out on a date. " Roy added and watched the man smile. Really he was more interested in giving Rebecca something to talk about at work. However Havoc seemed to think he was doing him a huge favor and he just gave the guy an encouraging smile.

Maes watched Ed cautiously leave with the night shift team and smiled when the kid decided to walk beside Havoc and not Kimblee. "By the way...when I had lunch with Gracia and Elicia today. I gave my loving wife, who still enjoys looking me in the eye, my paycheck."

"There are days when I really hate you Maes." Roy growled.

"Wait for it." Maes raise his finger and smiled. "My paycheck that she could deposit at the bank...that Riza works at...so she could invite her to the celebratory dinner we're having for your student. Not every day a kid becomes a State Alchemist and it would be a shame to let it go uncelebrated because his only family is his brother. Poor kids, without their parents..alone in this world. Oh and some other gossipy crap about how it's a huge feather in your cap for finding him, sponsoring him and blah blah."

Roy smiled. Of course this all happened a few hours before Ed even passed his exam, so it was more of a compliment that Maes also felt the kid was that good. Good enough to have his wife go ahead and plan a party before there was anything to even celebrate. "Thanks."

"I know, I'm not so bad at this am I?" Maes chuckled. "I mean who could possibly refuse my Gracia anything? Or Elicia..."

Roy's smile faded as the inevitable picture slideshow began. And now he was back to wanting to strangle him.


	4. Dinner Date

* * *

_Covert Affairs_

Chapter 4

**Dinner Date**

* * *

Roy yawned and rubbed the back of his neck as he walked into his bedroom and threw his keys, wallet and watch on the nightstand. He was home earlier than Riza and he figured it might be a nice time to take a short nap before she got home. Last thing he needed was to fall asleep at Maes's dinner party and have Fullmetal pull some childish prank while he was unconscious.

He unbuttoned his uniform jacket and threw it on the chair, then fell back on the bed and sighed. He wasn't really sure what was going to happen when his wife came home;  _if_ she came home. He wouldn't be surprised if she volunteered for some overtime just to have an excuse to not go to dinner with him. Sure Gracia had invited her and he had sent some flowers as a cliché apology but he didn't pick up the phone at all to talk to her. Just seemed like he should do his grovelling in person so he could confess to being a loser and disappointment and see the hurt in her eyes. Yup. He did love to torture himself.

Roy now wondered why he ever got married to begin with. Yes, he loved his wife but he knew damned well the life he was getting into and he was surprised it took this long to fuck up. If he really loved Riza, he would have left her alone and let her find a man who was actually worthy of her.  _Yes, Master Hawkeye, not only did I use your flame alchemy to destroy people but I also destroyed your daughter's only hope for happiness by marrying her._

He groaned and closed his eyes. It wasn't his job that made him hate himself, it was his real life that he couldn't live because of his job. Everything was a lie and he knew it would never end because he could never tell Riza the truth. There was nothing he wanted more in this world than to tell her the truth. Truth, truth, truth. All an alchemist ever seemed to really care about wasn't it? Well he did long for the truth, it was something he would wish for for his entire life but the cruel twist was that he was the one keeping it at bay. At every turn truth mocked him as he instead had to chose some fabrication in order to be the person his country needed him to be.

He unbuttoned his collar and thought back to the Ishval campaign were it all began. It didn't last long as he quickly gave in to sleep, exhausted from juggling his mental anguish,troubled marriage, chaotic undercover career and mundane teaching job.

* * *

_Ishval 208_

"Roy?" Maes stuck his head into the tent and let his eyes adjust to the darkness. Despite the horrible heat and blinding sun outside, the tent still maintained a little cool from the cold desert nights. Of course it was barely 9 am and that would quickly change. He stepped inside, lured in by the welcoming temperature in the canvas wall tent. "Roy, are you in here? We're going to be late."

Roy had every intention of getting dressed and going to breakfast this morning and pretending that his agenda for the day wasn't going to be filled with burning people alive. It almost worked until he put his white hooded cloak on and smelled the smoke and the faint, but lingering, smell of burnt hair and flesh. After that he sat down in the corner next to his field desk and left the hood on to remind himself of what a monster he was. That the smell was going to haunt him just like all those defenseless people he roasted with a snap of his fingers. "I'm here."

Maes looked at the hunched form of his best friend against the tent wall and inwardly groaned. His own nerves were shot and he was wearing down, it was becoming hard enough to convince himself to do his job without having to be Roy's crutch. "We have to go, you're already behind schedule."

"Late for the barbecue, shame on me."

Maes reached over and grabbed one of the alchemy books off the desk and then smacked him in the head with it. Roy responded with obscenities and looked up at him wondering what the hell he did that for. "Let's go."

Roy rubbed his head and Maes looked down at him clearly too worn out to talk him down off the ledge this morning. "Maes..."

"Roy, just do what you're told and when this is all over we both go home and start over." Maes bent down and picked up a picture of Riza that had fallen out of the book and looked at it. "Start a life with the women we love and put this behind us."

"Can you do that? Really just forget that you're a murderer and be selfish enough to start a happy family...ignoring that we destroyed so many families..." Roy didn't have time to react as that book cracked him in the forehead and knocked him over.

"Yes. And you will too." Maes said and bent down to hold the picture in front of his best friend's eyes. "Because she is waiting for you and you're going to not disappoint her."

"I already have by using her father's teachings to kill people..."

A voice from outside interrupted them, "Captain Hughes!"

Roy looked to the tent flap as he heard the young voice of one of the aides. It seemed to be a mixture of panic and excitement. He blinked as Maes put the picture in his hand and then pulled him to his feet. "Sorry, I'm failing you too."

Maes turned and braced himself to go back out into the desert sun and blinding light. He stepped out and shielded his eyes as an excited baby faced Lieutenant ran over to him. "What is it Lieutenant Dryor?"

"The Furhur is here! He requested to see you and Major Mustang immediately!"

Maes felt his heart stop. What would the leader of their country want with them? Did Kimblee report Roy for his mental instability? He turned as Roy emerged from the tent with his war face on. What the hell was going on?

"Let's not keep him waiting." Roy said and the Lieutenant jumped at the harsh tone and nodded before leading the way to the main command tent.

Maes narrowed his eyes at him and wished he could smack him in the head with the book one last time for making it sound like it wasn't  _his_  fault they were running behind schedule. He followed behind Roy and scanned the camp to see if there was any indication of what this unannounced visit was about. Not that the military was in the habit of announcing the location of the Furhur, but usually someone knew the man was in this part of the country. He stopped as Lt. Dryor reached the large tent in camp and ducked in to announce them. Roy seemed cool and collected despite being borderline suicidal only ten minutes earlier, however he knew his best friend's stomach was in knots just like his.

"You can come in." The Lieutenant held the tent flap for them.

Roy entered the tent and immediately locked eyes with Kimblee who was standing there with his hands in his pockets. He glared at him, wondering if this all came about because of something he reported. Kimblee shrugged in reply to the hostile stare and went back to looking bored. There had been a few missions that required them to work together and share a tent on the front lines, he knew the other alchemist was all too aware of his nightmares and sleepless nights. Mainly because Solf beat the hell out of him with a pillow one night and called him a pussy for crying in his sleep and keeping him awake. Well two could play at that game. If he was trying to take him down, Roy was fully aware that the lunatic had to fake his psyche evaluation in order to even be part of society more or less a state alchemist. It wouldn't be petty revenge, it would be a service to humanity to get him decommissioned for it.

"Gentleman, thank you for joining us." Said a confident and steady voice from behind a passel of staff officers.

Roy turned and saw the Furhur emerge from a group. He snapped a salute and the man waved it off. Maes followed suit beside him. "Sir!"

"At ease." Bradley went over and eyed the young man who just about everyone sighed over. Be it the women who seemed to find him irresistible or the alchemists who were green with envy over his skills. He even had a few officers impressed with his tactical ability even though the conflict out here didn't require him to lead a military unit. Overall Mustang was regarded as one of the most promising officers the country had produced in years. He looked over at the man with glasses beside him, Captain Hughes, and saw the same intelligence behind those eyes. Clearly Mustang also had the charisma to attract others of merit as well. Overall a auspicious, but also dangerous officer. The kind of man who could easily leave the war a hero and be a rival in a few years. "What we are about to discuss we do in confidence."

Roy nodded and watched the Furhur turn towards a map sprawled across the field desk.

"This campaign to quell the rebellion here in Ishval has become a bit of a nuisance as our other enemies have taken it upon themselves to take advantage of it. Both Creta and Drachma have started a rather underhanded war against us to try and weaken our core while our backs are turned. Something...we need to address." Bradley turned to them. "This campaign is going to be coming to a close, very quickly. We have other concerns. Creta has already started destroying our train tracks and communication lines to West City from Central. They have agents in Central that have begun bombing our capital and causing people to question why we're fighting a war in the desert when our capital is under attack."

Maes wondered where he was going with this and why the three of them were privy to this information. "Sir, are we going to war with Creta?"

"No Captain Hughes, unfortunately we don't have any justification for it. They have not attacked us, these people destroying our railroads and telephone lines are not acknowledged by their government. Our citizens aren't even supportive of our actions here in the desert, they will not support a full scale war with Creta." Bradley said and watched for a reaction from Mustang and Hughes. He was curious if they both felt the same way as the populace. Neither did anything to indicate they were anything but loyal soldiers. He looked to Kimblee who seemed disappointed that there wasn't a reason to go tear up another country. That man was unstable, but still of use to him. "This is going to be a different kind of war. One Amestris will never know about, a war in the shadows. "

Roy cleared his throat. "Sir, are we being reassigned?"

"No Major, not quite yet. However as I said we are going to push this campaign to a very quick end and then refocus on defending our home. Once that happens I am going to create a new covert operation division that reports directly to me, one that nobody will know about but those of us involved. I would like for you to head up this unit and Major Kimblee and Captain Hughes to work with you."

Roy blinked. Well this was a long way from the court martial he was expecting. "Thank you sir, that's quite an honor."

"I'm telling you this now because we still have at least six months of this little insurrection to deal with and you three need to utilize that in order to become a finely honed team. Once you return to Central, you will have to accept roles that might not be the paths you intended to take with your careers in order to provide a good cover for your covert job you will be doing for me. It is essential that these terrorists do not know who they are up against. It means you will have to lie to your families and you will never be able to tell them what you actually do for a living. Any questions?"

"Yeah." Kimblee watched them all look to him. "We're a little destructive for Central don't you think?"

"I expect damage control." Bradley informed him. "So you have six months to work on that and learn to work together. This team will be our only defense against these people. So effective immediately Mustang, you're now a Lt Colonel and this is your new team."

* * *

Riza leaned against the door frame of their bedroom and looked at her husband passed out on their bed. She felt a pang of regret as she knew he wouldn't get a wink of sleep on the couch downstairs, but it was really the farthest thing from her mind last night. She was hurt and surprised and wanted to be alone. Now she was feeling a little more sensible and walked over to the handsome man lying on her bed and knew it wasn't entirely his fault. She should have been more attentive and aware of what was going on with him. It's not like he was cheating on her, it was anime sex comics for God's sake.

She sat down on the bed and he didn't stir. Her eyes drifted to the clock and realized if they didn't get ready soon they would be late to dinner. They both needed a night out together to try and rectify things before it all got too far off course. She reached out and put her hand on his chest and she leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Roy, wake up. You don't want to be late."

She wasn't surprised when he didn't wake. The man slept like the dead. She took her moment to look at his peaceful face; not wracked by work stress, worry about her or nightmares of his past. She had read some article in one of those woman's magazines about being a more understanding wife and appreciating your husband for providing for your family: basically don't nag the poor man who you married. She had rolled her eyes and thrown the magazine back on the table but at least something stuck with her. He never complained about anything. Not work, not the war, not her. He suffered in silence and she wondered when they stopped talking to each other.

It was never like that before the war, he used to want to talk about everything. It's why she fell in love with him. He believed in truth, the alchemist's dream, but for him it meant talking about life and alchemy with his teacher's daughter. He shared his excitement, his thoughts and dreams with her under the stars in the backyard of her run down home. Then he came back from the war and didn't want to talk about anything except for getting married. She thought he'd eventually open up and go back to that young man she fell in love with, instead he just built more walls and then buried himself in his work. Work was off limits, the war was off limits and the only access she had to his life was what they did together. It's not what she expected, but she didn't exactly expect to be a spy either. Another glance to the clock and she leaned up to his ear and said loudly, "Roy, time to wake up."

He slowly opened his eyes and smiled when he realized Riza was sitting next to him. He reached out and grabbed her hand and squeezed it. He started to let his eyes close again but then it struck him that she wasn't too happy with him at the moment. He stiffened and looked at her hoping she wouldn't be mad.

"We're going to be late for dinner."

He sat up and rubbed his eyes. He quietly said, "I love you, Riza. I never wanted to hurt you but I can't seem to ever be the man you deserve."

She put her hand on his cheek and sighed. "I'm still upset, but I haven't been home a lot recently and I can't really blame you for being lonely."

"Yes you can. This is entirely my fault."

"Let's go to dinner." She said as he sat up and she could see his relief and adoration on his face. He leaned over and kissed her before she could remind him that she was still hurt by what she saw. However her anger seemed to melt away as he kissed her like he did the day he came home from Ishval. Like he had almost lost her. "I love your Roy, we'll work past this."

"I don't deserve you." He whispered and put his head on her shoulder.

She wrapped her arms around him and closed her eyes. It was so hard to stay mad at a man who just loved to find reasons to hate himself. "I wish you would talk to me about what is wearing you down. Like you used to."

"Just work." He mumbled.

She knew when he was brushing her off so she ran her hands through his hair and sighed. She could make spies spill secrets but somehow the gift of making her husband open up eluded her.

* * *

Ed hated to admit it to himself but he was happy to see Mustang as the Colonel's arrival saved him from going through another box of pictures that Hughes had just pulled from a closet. "Glad to see your incapable of being on time to  _anything_. I can't believe you're really a Colonel."

Roy smirked as Hughes came over to take their coats and the cake that they had picked up at the bakery on the way over. "Fullmetal, why don't you grab a stool or something so I can introduce you to my wife. Not really comfortable with you being so short you can look up her dress."

Riza was amazed at the change in her husband as soon as they arrived. Roy rarely acted his age, even when he was a teenager, so it was a rare opportunity to see that relaxed smile and playful tone come from his lips. She looked to the young man who he was addressing and saw the boy grinding his teeth and clenching his fists in aggravation.

"Not everyone is a pervert like you Colonel!"

Riza cocked an eyebrow. Maybe she should still be concerned about his porn addiction if this kid was calling him a pervert. Roy however didn't miss a beat and she saw that smug grin that indicated he was about to say something else smart-assed.

"What's the matter Ed? Afraid to talk to a woman who isn't inflatable?" Roy chirped. "Riza this is Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist and promoter of equal rights for vertically challenged people everywhere. Ed, my wife Riza."

Riza couldn't help but smile as Roy was on a roll. She loved this side of him, even if he was being an ass to a teenager. Yes, coming here tonight was definitely a good decision. It was nice to have him happy and relaxed. "It's an honor to meet you. Congratulations on your certification."

Ed blushed and took her hand. "Uh...thanks."

Roy snorted as he saw the kid flush as soon as he touched his wife's hand. God. This was all too easy! He prepared for another insult however he was interrupted by the clank of armor and the giggles of a little girl as Alphonse Elric entered the room carrying Elicia. "This is Ed's brother, Alphonse. Al, my wife Riza."

"Colonel I didn't hear you come in." Al clanked over and Elicia squeaked as she recognized the couple. "Nice to see you again sir! Thank you for helping my brother with this! I can't thank you enough!"

"I would have done it on my own without his help." Ed snapped.

Al ignored him and turned to the pretty woman by the Colonel's side. "Nice to meet you Mrs. Mustang! I didn't know the Colonel was married!"

"Miracles do happen." Ed mumbled.

Riza wasn't sure what to make of the huge animated suit of armor with the innocent voice of a young man. "Pleasure to meet you both."

"Elicia, do you want to see your Uncle Roy?" Maes asked as he entered the room and plucked his little girl from Al's arm and placed her in Roy's. "Tell your Uncle Roy how much you'd like a friend to come over and play with you? Someone closer to your age?"

Roy sighed. It was always something with Maes. Get a wife. Have some kids. Blah blah. "I think the Elrics are doing a fine job and mentally I think Ed is quite close to her age. In a few  _short_  years she'll even be taller than him!"

"You dick." Ed grumbled.

"Don't get  _short_  with me, Ed. I'm someone you should  _look up to_..." Roy paused and maintained his most professional face as the kid turned red. "...as a superior officer and your professor. You still have a lot to learn as is evident from your use of obscenities as a reply. Cute little Elicia should probably stay in the care of Alphonse until you..grow up a little and censor your mouth."

" A lot to learn? Not everyone wants to learn how to be a condescending ass like you!" Ed felt that vein begin to throb on his head. "Yeah, respect your elders. Guess I see a few grey hairs..."

Roy tried not to react to that. Grey hairs? Where?

Riza felt his body tense as Ed insulted his age. She knew Roy would be asking her to to check his soft black hair for anything out of place later on. For the moment however she was going to let Ed have his victory even if he didn't realize how much it stung.

"Thank you Colonel! She's just the cutest little thing!" Al clapped his hands happy to be acknowledged as a role model for the cute little girl. He didn't remember the man that well from the day they met in Resembool, he had been a little disoriented still without his body. He just remembered there being an authoritative man with dark eyes and hair that marched in the house to yell at them for their stupidity. He thought he was going to take them to jail but instead offered to help them when they grew up a little. Al didn't have the resentment of elders like Ed did, he didn't have the Daddy issues either which he figured was a huge part of it. All he knew was that Colonel Mustang had shown up at their darkest hour and shown them a light they could work towards. Even if Ed would never admit it, Al would never forget that kindness. He figured his brother was exaggerating when he came home and bitched about school. Ed was always a know-it-all and probably thought he should just be exempt from most classes because he thought he knew the material better than the teacher. He was glad Mustang seemed to have as sense of humor as he knew his brother could be obnoxious.

"Isn't she just the most adorable thing EVER!?" Maes looped his arm around Al's shoulder and tears of joy threatened to roll down his cheeks.

Roy handed the little girl back to her father and listened to her squeal with delight. "You should show these two more pictures. Ed's clearly going through withdrawal, he's stopped formulating intelligent insults and just resulted to name calling."

Ed wanted to kick him in the nuts. He couldn't believe he actually agreed to work for this guy! "Yeah, got any embarrassing pictures of Colonel Asshole here?"

"Brother!" Al yelled. He just never knew when to quit! Here they were invited into a nice family's home and all Ed could do was curse and insult his professor.

Maes thought about it. "Maybe..."

Roy glared at him as he scampered out of the room with the Elrics in tow. Alphonse seemed to be harping about respect and Ed was reminding him who was the older brother. Yes, having Hughes kidnap them on a regular basis would at least provide some kind of stable family environment for the kids. He looked over at Riza who gave him a questioning glance. She wanted to know why Ed's little brother was playing dress up with a tin can. "Al lost his body in a failed attempt at human transmutation. Ed bound his soul to that armor. Ed lost a leg and arm for it, and has automail to replace those limbs."

She raised her eyebrows. She was all too aware of the taboos and laws of alchemy thanks to her upbringing. She wasn't surprised Roy would just lay the facts out for her like that. He was a scientist and he would see this as the results of a failed experiment not a illegal act. So this was why he brought these boys here an took them under his wing? To protect them? "Who did they try to bring back?"

"Their mother." He replied. "They're trying to fix things, get their bodies back. Those two kids have done more in their short lives than most alchemists do in a lifetime. They're looking for the philosopher's stone."

"Roy...why would you convince him to join the military after everything they've already done and lost?" She hesitated to say the next part but she didn't need to protect him right now, she was more interested in saving those kids from what he had already endured. "Especially after what you went through. Why are you going to make Al watch the hopeful and inspired brother he loves go to war and come home betrayed and lost. Innocence shattered and haunted by his actions."

Roy raised his eyebrows. Clearly she had some unspoken words about the war she wanted to get off her chest, however he never allowed her to broach the subject. Something he'd have to get over someday. "I...want to protect them. If the government finds out what they did, Al will be an lab rat. Ed is a prodigy right now, if anyone knows he's dabbled in the forbidden already he'll be another suicidal research alchemist trying to save his family. I don't want Ed to be me, I pushed for this so he can be under my protection and nobody will know what he's done. "

"Oh." She said and he turned to her.

"So I hope you can keep a secret." He gave her a warm smile.

Her stomach lurched as she realized the irony of that. "Yeah, I think I can manage that."

"I'm glad you came with me tonight." He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek knowing he was lucky she was allowing him a chance to apologize.

"Any plans for tomorrow night?"

He raised his eyebrows. Clearly he was doing a better job of apologizing than he realized! He looked around and confirmed nobody was returning to the living room immediately before turning to her and wrapping his arms around her waist and giving her a seductive grin. "No...what were you thinking we should do?"

She wanted to remind him that she was still really not happy with him and was planning to hold that grudge for a little while longer. However having him in a good mood for her next question would be beneficial. "My Grandfather invited us to General Gribaldi's retirement party."

Roy frowned. Well that sounded a long way from trying to redo last night's fiasco with a more favorable outcome. "Old General Grab-Ass is retiring? Is is a celebration that we don't have to deal with him anymore or did someone actually invite him to his own party?"

"No, I never had to deal with him, Grandpa just was interested in talking to you about your future and reminding you there will be a vacant General position shortly."

He wasn't sure how to respond to that. He and Riza was having issues with their already problematic workload and now she was going to push him to take on a more intensive position? Not that the sound of "General Mustang" didn't sent tingles down his spine, but it would make his real job next to impossible to do. His cover had to be boring and low profile with adequate excuses for disappearing when he needed to. It also allowed him to recruit up and coming cadets into their program.

"Roy?" She poked him in the gut with her thumb. "You're zoning out on me."

"Sorry...I just didn't realize you wanted me to pursue that position. I thought we wanted a life in Central." His mind raced to come up with excuses as to why he had no interest in promotion. He was really beginning to hate his job.

"Maybe...change wouldn't be so bad. A regular schedule might be nice." She rubbed his chest, knowing it was a way to relax him and make him less defensive. She didn't mind it much either. She never really thought about it but he maintained excellent physical condition despite having a boring desk job. She wondered if he spent time between classes working out. "I am pressuring my boss to hire someone else so I won't have to work so much overtime either."

God, he loved and hated when she ran her hands over his chest like that! It made it hard to think, especially when her fingers traced the line of his vest and he wasn't sure where they would roam next. He had to come up with something plausible...why wouldn't he want a promotion? Even he couldn't come up with a good lie for that! Suddenly he looked up on the wall and saw the life size portrait of Elicia over the fireplace and blurted out, "I want kids."

She stopped what she was doing and held her breathe. "What?"

OK, maybe he hadn't really thought that one through. Shit! Why was he such an idiot when it came to talking to his own wife but he could hold his own against anyone on a battlefield? He felt her hands fall off his chest and she just stared at him and looked a little pale. "Not right this minute, but it's something I thought we'd get around to talking about eventually. Your Grandpa, my Mom, Maes is here...I'd hate to take a promotion and end up somewhere like East City where there are serial killers running all over the damned place. I don't want to raise a family there."

She just stared at him and felt like she missed the beginning of a conversation or walked in on a play at intermission. Was she really that bad of a wife that she had no idea what her husband was thinking anymore? "Roy...I..."

"Not the best time to bring this up, I know."

Riza looked up as if on cue Al and Elicia came back in the room and a triumphant Ed followed with an album in his hands. "We can talk about this later."

He sighed. It was going to be a long night. He watched Ed's grin broaden as he marched up and produced a picture. Well, he could always cite Edward as the reason he changed his mind about having kids. That wouldn't be a lie. Roy frowned as he looked at the photo. "This is the best you could come up with? You just always come up a little  _short_ don't you?"

Maes shrugged. "That mustache was awful. Made you look like a pedophile."

"I was going for older and dignified." Roy replied and watched Ed deflate as his choice in blackmail material didn't have the effect he intended.

"Yeah, that's not what happened." Maes said as Riza chuckled upon seeing the picture.

"Roy, you look like you need a top hat so you can tie a damsel to the railroad tracks." Riza laughed.

He looked over at her and was happy to see her smile. "What's the matter Fullmetal, jealous I can actually grow facial hair?"

"I wouldn't brag about this, Colonel." Ed snorted. "Looks like a moldy meal worm fell onto your face . You really don't need help looking old either."

Roy glared at him. Dammit, Hughes must have tipped him off about his age insecurities!

"Let's have dinner huh?" Maes said an Elicia giggled. "This is supposed to be a celebratory dinner for Ed!."

* * *

 

Roy rubbed his neck as Riza walked up the steps to their home and unlocked the door. Dinner managed to stay moderately tame as Al's cheery voice dominated the conversation since he wasn't able to eat. Ed was wisked away for "Alchemist Hazing" before dessert and the evening drew to a quiet close. He was happy Al was going to stay with the Hughes's, he was a great kid and he deserved to be part of a family. Gracia would be the talk of the neighborhood now that she had a 'robot babysitter'.

"It was nice to see you relaxed." Riza watched him look at her with a grin as he locked the front door. She turned to take off her coat and hang it up as he walked over to slip his arms around her waist and kiss her neck from behind. "It's been a while, you're always so stressed out and I'm so busy..."

"Can I apologize for last night?" He asked cautiously and kissed up her neck to her jawline. His hands rolled over the cotton fabric of her dress and his breathe began to get irregular. He hoped she wouldn't refuse him, he really needed her right now.

"Yeah..." She said and felt her heart begin to race. "I'll take that apology."

It was all the encouragement he needed to kiss his way back down to where her shoulder met her neck as his right hand snaked up her sternum, between her breasts and into her dress to grope her. He could feel her breath catch and her body reacted to him by leaning back into him to granted him better access.

She tilted her head back and rested it on his right shoulder as he kissed her clavicle and his fingers traced her nipple. He wasn't taking a chance tonight that she would change her mind, he was in her dress so quickly. He knew exactly what to do to make her surrender to him and as his teeth scraped the strap of her dress off her shoulder she let go a soft sigh.

The dress fell off her shoulder and left him wondering if he wanted to fight with that damned strapless bra or take it off. The way she was reacting to him he didn't want to take his hands away from what he was doing. Her head was now back on his shoulder as she pressed into his body and he opted to kiss her now very exposed neck as he gently squeezed her breast and let his thumb stroke her nipple. Another soft moan made his left hand leave her midsection to her thigh so he could push up her dress.

She squeaked as his left hand touched her flesh and made it's way to the band of her panties. His fingers delicately pulled the band down over her hip before tracing their way to the other side to repeat the move. She was glad he waited until they got home to do this, knowing him he would have tried this in the bathroom at the Hughes home and she would have been hard pressed to convince herself to stop him. How the hell she could choose work instead of coming home to this...oh that's right. She worked so that she could protect this...

Listening to her murmurs of pleasure and feeling her body react to his every move was heavenly. His fingers pushed her silk underwear down far enough to grant him access to her most sensitive spots and he caught his breath as she twitched and moaned as he slipped his fingers between her legs.

"Roy..." She hardly recognized her own voice as she gasped and huskily whimpered his name. Her body twitched as he reminded her how damned good he was with his hands.

"Yes dear?" He grinned as she seemed to have the hardest time forming coherent thoughts now. He loved that he could do this to her, to make her lose control of her thoughts and own body with just his touch.

"I want you...don't just apologize..."

He wasn't going to refuse the invitation. He intended to simply enjoy giving her an orgasm and she knew it, apparently he was predicable. Not that he was going to be upset with that, he was glad he could participate and enjoy the treasured release with her. "You're almost there...let me just.."

"No..I want you in me." She pulled away from him and turned to push him against he wall and kiss him. "Make love to me not just make me feel good as an apology. I want you...to give it to me...not just your hands."

He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around him. Her lips met his as he carried her up the stairs to their bedroom. He felt for every step carefully as she wove her fingers into his hair and kissed him hungrily. He wanted to race up with stairs to get her into the bedroom, but wasn't going to take a chance of tripping or deny her the chance to kiss him like she was. OK, so getting married was probably one of the best decisions he ever made.


	5. Conspiracy Theories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An:Sorry for the delay. Debated on whether or not I had to use an OC in here and finally decided to because A- Can't put the words in someone else's mouth and B- There has to be a Colonel banging a Lieutenant somewhere in my fic. C- Roy looking from the outside in to that relationship...yes. I want to write that.

_Covert Affairs_

Chapter 5

**Conspiracy Theories**

* * *

Grumman flipped to another page of the diary and shook his head. "That Sam Whitman is a fiend."

Chris Mustang chuckled. "The girls getting a little too detailed about their adventures? Hate to give you a heart attack reading something from a bedazzled diary when you're supposed to be  _reading between the lines_  for the actual information you requested."

He laughed. "Nothing I can't handle, you know that."

Chris continued to wipe down glasses as he sat at the bar in her empty establishment. Most people had filed out at last call and she let her girls working the bar retire early. She could hear a few muffled noises from upstairs and knew they were still working. However she already locked the door to the upper level so the customers who spent the night couldn't wander back to the bar and help themselves. After the bar was closed, the only open entrance was the one from the alley. She eyed Grumman as his face reflected his reaction to the words in Vanessa's journal. He said nothing, her job was to gather the information not discuss it. She refilled his coffee and pushed it to him, still curious to see if she could get him to open up.

He grinned and took the cup of coffee she offered. "So I had a meeting with the Furhur yesterday."

"Yeah?" She leaned over the bar and took a drag on her cigarette.

"He wasn't at all phased when I told him I suspected a leak in Central Command." He took a sip of coffee and sighed. "Also shot me down when I suggested that he promote that boy of yours. Too young he says."

"I can tell by the sound of your voice that there is more to it than that." Chris eyed him and he flashed her his charming smile.

"Oh, just wondering why he's so unmotivated. Teaching at the academy is for old soldiers who can't stay in the field anymore. What is he doing there?"

Chris shrugged. "That war messed with his head. Not much I can do, that's his wife's job. Riza is the best spy in the country, some even say better than I was, surely she can manipulate her husband into wanting something better?"

He grabbed her hand and kissed it. "So, you have the diaries store away somewhere of those days?"

She chuckled as he wiggled his eyes suggestively and remembered their younger days. "Henry, focus on work you pervert."

Grumman's face turned serious. "I have a nagging feeling that this is all some elaborate attempt to keep us all occupied. Bradley has Olivier and I tied up with this Drachma issue, the two most powerful Generals who might be eying his chair are now engaged in some shadow war with no foreseeable end. A war we can't win because he limits my moves. I think this information leak is one more way to handicap us and most of this information is highly classified. 'Just keep it contained', was all he said."

Chris tapped the ash off her cigarette and then tapped her nails on the diary. "I'll have girls working that retirement party, there's nothing like an open bar to loosen up some lips...amongst other things."

"Olivier will attempt to convince Bradley to let her open up the gates of Briggs but even she knows it's falling on deaf ears." He thought about the Northern commander who was his second in command in this cold war with Drachma. She was already on her way to Central for the retirement party. Bradley wouldn't think anything of her requesting an audience to pitch her battle plan, they both knew his answer but they were both more interested in seeing if they could push him to say more than usual. More than the tired lectures about his public ratings, the economy and underlying threats from Auergo and Creta.

"Well that should put her in a good mood." Chris mused.

"Riza's been asking for some new recruits, spy activity is increasing and those girls are getting worn out." He thought about Riza's busted lip and knew that if she wasn't so exhausted it would have never happened. The thought of putting her in jeopardy because he couldn't find more support staff was keeping him up at night. Finding people he could trust was getting harder by the day.

"Can't say I can help you with that." She knew what it took to do the job and right now none of her girls were remotely up the task.

"Chris, did you ever tell Roy about his parents?" Grumman asked hesitantly.

"Exactly how do I tell him his parents were spies without admitting I'm one as well?" she asked.

"He grew up here, he knows you deal in secrets."

"Not our kind of secrets." She frowned. "This life, it got Bill killed because he tried to leave it."

"It got him killed because he tried to leave it for a Xing assassin." Grumman said quietly. Bill Mustang had been a colleague and friend, a damned good agent. "You're not allowed to fall in love with the enemy without bringing hell down from both sides. He knew that."

"Are you suggesting we bring Roy in?" She said. "In the same conversation where we talk about how it got his parents murdered? You're a piece of work."

"Goddamn the kid is brilliant. He's rotting away at the academy, we could..."

"He's not a kid anymore. He's your granddaughter's husband. You don't think that will cause problems? "

"I think they'd make a great team."

"I don't. I think they'd get each other killed."

"You didn't see him in Ishval."

"I saw what he was when he came back and so help me God if you mention this again I'll show you how much I haven't forgotten from my field agent days." Chris slammed the glass mug down on the bar and watched him toy with the coffee mug.

"Chris, there is something going on in our government...something that turned us away from a genocide campaign in Ishval to keep us running around chasing ghosts in the North and West. What the hell happened to change our country so quickly and intensely? This isn't our Amestris, our country who has always flexed it's military might and challenged the world to defy us. Now we sit on our hands and wait for the inevitable attacks from bombers of Creta and have our secrets stolen and our facilities sabotaged by spies of Drachma . What the hell is going on? Have you found out anything about who might be in charge of the Western Front? Who is dealing with these terrorists?"

"Nothing. As far as I can tell it's Bradley outsourcing the investigations to Military intelligence and State Alchemists to research."

"Which ones?" He asked hopefully.

"Just routine crime scene investigations." She said.

"Which ones?" He said more authoritatively.

"Hughes at Intelligence and Kimblee in research."

Grumman frowned. "Shit. Are we sure Kimblee isn't doing the bombings himself?"

She shrugged, "Seems like the kind of guy who would take credit for it if he did. He blew up an opera house when he was on a date out General Whitman's daughter last month. His report said, 'Cretians needed to learn manners and not interrupt the performance. Assassinating an official at a playhouse is very unoriginal. Taught them lesson by exploding their intestines.' Haley Whitman's report begged to start a war with Creta for it."

He sighed. None of this was adding up. Why use your state alchemists to destroy Ishvalians and then turn around and let them handle investigations and basic lab work when the country was under attack? Roy Mustang was the 'Hero of Ishval' and his alchemy could level a country in a matter of weeks, but he was teaching cadets basic level alchemy appreciation at the academy? Olivier Armstrong was chafing at the bit to open up the gates of Briggs and bring the war to Drachma, but was ordered to hold her ground. Hell, even Haley Whitman should have been out picking fights with Creta instead of watching plays with Zolf Kimblee. And what the hell was up with that? Since when did those two get along more or less date? "Just make sure your best girls are working that party tomorrow night."

"You just leave my boy out of this." She said. "The Mustang family has shed enough blood for this country. You leave him out of this one."

"Chris..."

"Bar's closing in half an hour. Pay up, get out." She said coldly. To hell with him, let him sleep alone tonight.

* * *

"So this is where you work." Ed looked at the unimpressive warehouse and could almost hear Mustang's mocking voice saying  _'What did you expect Fullmetal? A secret underground lair with spy gadgets?_ '. It was damp, dirty and poorly lit. It also smelled like decomposing rats.

"Yup. Warehouse district, military supply station." Havoc tapped some ash off his cigarette. "Nobody questions why it's always busy, we have direct access to roads and railway and existing security. "

"And what's  _his_  cover job?" Ed asked as he watched Lt. Colonel Kimblee blow up some box on the table and start cackling like a mad scientist. Bits of what looked like fruit cake exploded over the wall and covered a motivational poster. "Escaped mental patient?"

Kimblee turned and smirked. "Me? I am a research Alchemist with the weapons development division. It's the truth. I work in a lab testing explosive devices and see if I can destroy the latest weapons. It's fun. Want some cake?"

"Right." Ed took another step away from the guy. There was all kinds of 'not right' vibes coming off him.

"This fruit cake was turned over to us from the postal service." Kimblee explained. "Someone thought it was weird that a fruit cake would be shipped somewhere when it wasn't a holiday. I though the density of the substance was suspicious, so I tested it. I think Fruit cake should be classified a heavy metal, hazardous substance and also the perfect gift for those you hate. And just like that, I did some research for my re-certification and proved that nobody reads the damned reports."

It was oddly intriguing. Ed had to admit the man had a way with words, even if he seemed to only be doing things to see who bought his bullshit. He smirked and put his hands against the wall, the fruitcake bits reformed as a dumbbell and dropped to the floor. "Seems like a waste of everyone's tax dollars, if you ask me."

"No circle, interesting." Kimblee smiled and thought about that. "No wonder you got Mustang all hot and bothered. Kinda getting some tingles myself."

And just like that, Ed was back to sliding over to Havoc's side to get away from Kimblee.

"We also have Sgt. Fuery who monitors communications, Lt. Falman in research who you will meet during daylight who run operations here. Lt. Breda usually handles the public relations but does head to the field more than the other two." Havoc informed him. "You met Sgt. McClellan...eventually you'll meet his old commander Lt. Colonel Whitman who is on the front lines with Creta. She's in charge of West City branch."

"You went to the porn shop?" Kimblee asked.

"You mean the pawn shop?"

"Whatever." Kimblee raised an eyebrow. "You know we use porn to pass information back and forth from West City to Central, right?"

"Now I do."

"Zane Whitman, the Lightning Alchemist, is stationed with his sister out west and uses some intricate code he and Mustang developed to ensure no information is leaked. We had a few problems in the past year, so a new system had to be established." Havoc informed him. "They change the dialogue in the hentai with alchemy to embed the code. McClellan shops for the books, sends them to his old boss and when they return they are delivered to the Colonel to decode. This is the latest information here."

Ed took the paper that Havoc handed him and as his golden eyes scanned it and he frowned. "This makes it sound like we should be expecting a huge attack."

"Yeah, so we'll go check out the scene of the last crime to give you an idea of what we do." Havoc sat down at his desk and lit a cigarette. "After you get the facility tour."

"So kid!" Kimblee said. "How much do you really know about this country? I mean about how the government really runs?"

"It's one of my classes at the academy..."

"No I mean  _really_  runs." Kimblee said. "Like who is in control of all these sheepeople."

"Sheepeople?" Ed asked. That was a new one and being from Risenbool he had heard his share of sheep jokes.

"What? You never noticed how stupid the people of this country are? If we didn't have a handful of brilliant people to bring up the national average, the IQ of this country would be in the negatives. 15 million people and we have maybe a hundred of those who aren't mouth breathers. Seriously, the world could be ending right now, clouds circling as the Gates of Heaven and Hell open up over Central and they'd all be ooohing and ahhing over the light show. Stupid fucking sheep." Kimblee rolled his eyes.

Ed leaned over to Havoc. "Are you sure he's not the one blowing everything up?"

"To be determined." Havoc mumbled. "Breda! Better come out here before Lt Colonel Conspiracy Theories ruins the new kid!"

"It's not paranoia or conspiracies its simply truth." Kimblee snapped. "You like truth, don't you kid? Every alchemist  _loves_  truth."

"No, Truth's a creepy little asshole." Ed replied and watched Kimblee ponder that statement.

Breda walked out of the office with some paperwork for Ed to sign. "Your claims have yet to be substantiated, hence the reason we file it under conspiracy."

Havoc nudged Ed. "This is Lt. Heymans Breda. He handles a lot of the public relations manipulations. He's the one to thank for the creative reasons 'death by suicide bomber' is published in the papers as 'gas line explosion'. Also graduated at the top of our class at academy, if you need someone to help with your studies you should ask him."

"Really Breda?" Kimblee crossed his arms. "Is that what you tell your girlfriend when she bitches about the same things?"

"Lt. Colonel Whitman is an aristocrat who was privy to a lot of the corruption and manipulations of the powerful people in Amestris." Breda replied. "She's not paranoid, she's rational."

"You're sleeping with her, of course you'd say that." Kimblee snorted.

Havoc leaned over and added. "That's not one of the things we want public."

"Ok." Ed watched Kimblee flip through some reports and wondered how the hell that guy ended up working on this team. Mustang and Hughes seemed to really not trust him and these two were doing their best to shelter him from the full brunt of the man's ranting. He seemed eerily happy.

"Riddle me this." Kimblee said and sat down on the desk. "We have enough Generals in Central to populate a small country yet nobody knows what their real jobs are. This team is immediately under the command of Bradley, ensuring that the three most dangerous alchemist in the country stay under his nose."

"Here we go again." Breda sighed.

"You're so much more tolerable when you have a sandwich preoccupying you, Lieutenant. Colonel Whitman should be more observant and realize how happy you are with a wiener in your mouth." Kimblee snapped. "Now, we know for a fact that there is a espionage division we just don't know who runs it. Why do we know this? Because Drachma is sending spies down here and we're finding them dead. Besides what military state wouldn't have spies?"

Breda ground his teeth.

"Next is research alchemists. Labs everywhere and what are they producing? Who the hell knows!"

Kimblee watched the kid frown. "Keep your eyes open, you'll see some questionable shit and you should question it. Or do you believe we have Shou Tucker making chimera in order to corner the designer pet industry?"

"Do you get paid overtime to deal with this guy?" Ed asked Havoc who simply shook his head.

"What do you know about Ishval?" Kimblee asked the blond boy. "What were we there for?"

"What does this have to do with my job?" Ed asked.

"Being educated is part of your job as a functioning member of society." Kimblee snorted. "Or you can be one of the many sheepeople who just accept what our government tells you. One of the dogs that don the uniform for the benefits and paycheck only to blame the military for asking you to do your job when the time comes. Probably why you followed Mustang home."

"You don't even know me!" Ed hollered back. "For your information, I was recruited for my talents as an alchemist you prick!"

"Only an idiot would join the academy at your age." Kimblee said and kicked the kid in his left leg. "What's this? A war injury? Sounded different when you walked in here."

"Listen asshole, I don't answer to you!"

"Yeah, Major, you do." Kimblee grinned. "Awww...sucks to be a dog of the military doesn't it? I got more stars than you."

"For now." Ed growled.

Havoc stood up and sighed. It was going to be a long night. "Why don't we start orientation instead of starting a fight?"

"Too late!" Ed stood up and watched Kimblee chuckle.

"So tell me, Major Elric, why did you become an alchemist? Huh? What drove you to study alchemy at such a young age? Is it the old tired line of 'helping the people'? 'Alchemy belongs to the people' what a great line of shit that is. Is that something Professor Mustang teaches in his class? Wouldn't surprise me in the least, that fucking hypocrite. Never have figured out how Flame Alchemy helps the people, unless they're all a bunch of cave dwellers who haven't discovered fire yet." Kimblee rolled his eyes.

"Watch it Kimblee." Havoc warned.

"What's so special about your skill then, Lt. Colonel Kimblee? As far as I can tell you're just an instigator." Ed asked. This was the first person actually critical of Mustang that he met so far. Though this guy was critical of everyone and he was curious what he really contributed. "I'm pretty sure I could read everything you've just ranted about in the daily tabloid. What the hell do you have to do with counter-terrorism?"

"Let's go blow some shit up, shall we?" Kimblee said and winked at him, then spun on his heels and waltzed out of the office.

"I think you need to go lay in traffic." Ed mumbled. He was getting cranky, it had already been a long day and that guy just didn't seem to want to shut up.

"We need to switch him to decaf." Breda mumbled. "Or get him laid."

"He's just excited he has someone who actually listened to him for more than two minutes." Havoc stood and stretched. "Once you get in the lab he'll calm down. I doubt he believes half of what he spouts off, just wants to bait you into debating with him. He doesn't have friends."

"And you're sure he's not the one blowing things up?" Ed asked.

Breda sighed. "I'm pretty sure he was voted most likely to turn on his superiors and blow them up back in the academy."

Havoc chuckled as he saw the look on Ed's face. "Joking. The academy isn't fun enough to have that kind of stuff in the yearbook. It's going to be a long four years, kid."

"Whatever happened to that personal ad we put in the paper for Kimblee?" Breda asked.

"Well numb-nuts it came back to us as suspicious and possible terrorist activity." Havoc snorted and reached into the desk to pull it out and show Ed. The kid could use a laugh before dealing with Psycho in the lab. "Why? Worried that he'll be ordered to take your girlfriend out on another date for a mission?"

"More concerned she'll be in jail for killing him." He frowned.

Ed looked at the personal ad copy. "Single White Male seeks intelligent individual to talk down to and debate with. Must love alchemy, philosophy and Darwinism. If you believe in Survival of the fittest, I'm your pasty white knight. Call me, I enjoy explosives an not just the variety in my pants."

Breda laughed. Yeah, so maybe it did send up a few red flags. "Maybe we're going about it wrong. Why make him happy, we should go ahead and use it to get him off our team."

Havoc tapped the ash off his cigarette. "Oh? So we're not going to wait for him to start a riot one night when he goes to one of his support groups?"

"How many issues does that guy have?" Ed asked.

"He doesn't go to get better, he goes to instigate and screw up the people who are genuinely there for support. Just to mess with their heads." Breda replied. "My favorite was when he went to the scrap-booking class at the civic center and ended up getting raped by some cougar. He was locked in a cage in her basement for a week until she ran out of Oxycontin and Viagra to dose him with. It was a great week for us."

"Why did he want to go scrap-booking?"

"To try and make all the ladies cry." Havoc said. "Something about living in the past...enshrining memories or something. We really only half listen to him. We just are waiting for him to come in one day and mumble about his Swingline stapler and burning the place down so we can't tune him out completely."

Ed nodded. So these two were pretty cool. He was glad his vibes weren't completely wrong about Kimblee although it was disturbing that the rape PSA did come true for the guy.

"How about this." Breda said and crackled his knuckles. "Let's start bombarding General Armstrong with love letters from Kimblee and see how long it is before she kills him or turns him into a eunuch?"

"Survival of the Fittest..." Havoc smirked. "Nice. I bet we can come up with some great poems. Tell her he wants a reason to wear white year round so he's putting in a transfer to Briggs. Best way to stay warm is to share bodily warmth."

Breda chewed on his pen. "Bet she's coming down for that retirement party. We should send her flowers."

"And buy her some tickets to an underground hobo fights." Havoc added.

Breda frowned. "You worry me sometimes."

"Speaking of worrying, Kimblee's out in the lab alone. Maybe you should go check on him Ed." Havoc said. "Breda will be here, I got a date."

"Do I really have to?" Ed frowned. He was already getting a headache from arguing with him.

"Once he starts talking science he's kinda normal. Well as normal as you alchemists can be when you're all fired up by chemistry." Havoc winked. "On that note, I bid you adieu. I have a beautiful woman waiting for me."

* * *

"This better be good." Roy spat as he marched into the pawn shop and looked at the two people behind the counter. It had been a beautiful morning and he was hoping to wake up slowly and entice Riza into fooling around in the shower. Instead, the phone rang and he ended up starting his day off by lying about why he had to go to the office. Now he was even in a worse mood looking at McClellan's creepy smile and the woman beside him who tried to give him an innocent grin. He glared at her and growled, "I hope you're here to take McClellan back."

Lt. Colonel Haley Whitman faked a pout. "What's the matter, didn't have your coffee this morning?"

"It's Saturday and I was looking forward to sleeping in with my wife." He growled. "Instead I get a phone call from this asshole talking about a 'overnight package' in a voice that sounded like a cat being disemboweled!"

McClellan chuckled. "You should hear some of your ridiculous undercover voices, Mustang."

" _Colonel_  Mustang." Roy snapped and glared at Whitman. "Take him back."

Whitman raised an eyebrow. Well he was in a bad mood already. However if that's how he wanted to play it, she wasn't going to back down. "He's been honorably discharged thanks to his disability. You remember, the injury he received when Kimblee dropped a fucking house on him six months ago?"

"That was not my fault." He hissed.

"It was the mission  _you_  dreamed up. The one where you sent me undercover into West City Opera House with Kimblee as my damned date! He showed up dressed like a pimp and then argued with me the entire night about the symbolism in Wizard of OZ. Is the Yellow Brick road about the search for gold or the search for the philosopher's stone and the taboo of creating gold? The Tin Man is a representative of the Military State and Industry, the Scarecrow the farmers and dumb citizens of Amestris...blah blah. Then he gets the idea to drop a house,  _an opera house_ , down on the Cretian terrorists because of said play. Yeah, Colonel, really was a brilliant move on your part. I can't believe you outrank me and are my boss Roy."

"I'm sorry that I thought two adults,  _two Lt. Colonels_ , weren't capable of handling a simple fake date to expose a plot to blow up a playhouse and assasinate the General of Western Headquarters. Sorry, I clearly overestimated your abilities." Roy growled.

"Well Lt Colonel Lunatic was the one who blew up the backstage of the opera house with my undercover pervert in it. Solf's  _your_  responsibility, not mine, so when he causes damage to my people than I blame you. My Sargent can't come home with me because he won't pass a physical!" She wrapped her arm protectively around the old man and he actually pretended to purr. Poorly. "Kimblee won't pass a psyche eval and belongs in this city with these other nutcases. This is my best friend and now you want to throw him on the streets!"

"I'll keep McClellan on one condition."

"Oh?" She raised an eyebrow.

"You need to tell my wife it was your porn I was deciphering." Roy watched her smile.

"She caught you with it? Is that what this is about?" Haley laughed. "Oh my God, and you somehow are my boss. Incredible! You can't even hide your porn! I thought that was some kind of rite of passage, hide your dirty magazines before your balls drop or you can grow facial hair. Guess you never did get that facial hair memo..."

"Haley, you owe me a favor for giving that old pervert a job! Tentacle porn? Really?"

"That's what she saw?" Haley chuckled.

McClellan added "Wonder if I can put in a requisition form for a tentacle monster chimera? Will you sign it boss?"

"Fix it." Roy snapped. "Or I have him fixed!"

"What am I supposed to say? It's this months selection for the book discussion club?" She asked and he threateningly waved his finger in her face.

"Fix it." Roy growled. " Fix it or you will be ordered to go to book club meetings with Kimblee and discuss the symbolism of the Wizard of OZ. Fix it or I make sure you and your boyfriend Breda don't do anything this weekend together. I know it's the only reason you're here, to have a legitimate reason for visiting Central that won't tip anyone off. You'd never visit your family, you hate this city...you're here to celebrate Grab-Ass retiring and pretend you're not going to spend the night out with Heymans."

"That's going a little far." She frowned. She knew he was being rather kind allowing them to see each other even though they were co-workers. Something she tried to argue was a mere technicality since this 'other' job was hardly on the books and fraternization rules didn't apply. However Mustang was picky about how his team ran and he was not happy they were breaching protocol. This had nothing to do with their behavior but his mistake. "We're playing by the rules you set down for us, no reason to take out your problems on me."

He said and narrowed his eyes at her. "You let this pervert get this bad, ergo..."

"Oh Please! If Riza was your Lieutenant..." Haley started and he pointed his finger at her.

"Oh you really think I'd do what you are?" Roy snorted. "You think I'd pretend to be the biggest whore in Amestris just to cover the secret relationship I'm having with a subordinate?"

"Yes." She said thoughtful. "Maybe in a different world where we actually came home to real military jobs, but yes you would. However I think Grumman would secretly support you whereas my parents would disown me if they ever found out."

"Then you and Fullmetal are going to get along great! You can swap fantasy stories and sell them to aspiring manga or fanfiction writers. You with your fraternization violations and him with his spy novels, you'll be the hit of the Central Library book of the month club and comic con!"

"Better then getting caught with porn and ruining your sex life, Sparky."She shot back and watched his eyes light up again.

"You will fix this." He marched over to the counter and looked her in the eye. "Tonight at that party!"

"Fine." She slapped the folder of intel on the counter. "Now that we got that out of the way,can we get back to our national security?"

"What's the emergency?" He asked. Couldn't be that urgent as she wouldn't have engaged in the discussion and would have just gotten down to business.

"We've got some more information on that attack they're planning." She sighed. "Target is First Ametris Bank"

He felt his scowl disappear and his face go pale. "What?"

"This can't be a coincidence." She said. "I've been telling you that there is a leak from inside our government, the attacks in West City, that assassination attempt...all very suspicious."

"The only one who knows about this unit is Bradley." He said softly. "Nobody else in Central Command. Why exactly would he target where my wife works? It's the largest bank in Amestris...it's always a target for..."

"I've said this before and you blew me off." She looked at him. "This war we're fighting is bullshit and you know it. Sure there are terrorists, but Bradley didn't bat an eye when he ordered you to go burn up our own citizens in Ishval...so why are we being so damned nice to our enemy? Why is your team composed of young officers who could be a threat to his regime if left to their own devices? The only reason we haven't killed each other at this point is thanks to you and your ability to handle volatile substances. This team is a fucking powder keg and you know it, so does Bradley. He either wants to keep us close to be watched or watch us blow and ruin your career. Or both."

"Where is your proof Haley?" He narrowed his eyes at her.

"The proof is in our lack of action. You can't trust that son of a bitch. We are no closer than we were five years ago in this war on terror. If that's even what this is. I still find it hard to believe we were going to wipe out Ishval for a mere slight but we still won't go level Creta for blowing up our Capital on a daily basis."

"So what do you want me to do? Overthrow the government because he won't go to war?"

"I want you to push and see if you can't make him crack."

"You forget, you don't order me around."

"You forget you asked me to be a part of this team because I try to order you around. That and that I am one of the few members of the elite first families of Amestris that will even look at you as an equal. I'm part of the society who has built this country and tries to run it still, and this is not standard operating procedure. " She tapped the folder. "According to what we're hearing the terrorist cell making a move on the bank is trying to destroy the place in order to collapse the value of our currency. No gold in Central's bank, then our Cenz are worth nothing."

"Shake confidence in our government by destroying our gold reserves." Roy thought that over. "And exactly why do you think Bradley would want to tip them off to this?"

"We're going to stop them." She shrugged. "Nothing like raising public approval by saving the foundation of our country's monetary system as well as most everyone's savings. "

McClellan finally leaned forward and looked at the paperwork spread out on the counter. "Threatening people's money and lives would be a big jump up from just random bombers. Besides if Mustang stops them then he gets the glory not the Furhur."

"Colonel." Roy reminded him. " _Colonel_  Mustang."

"Except that nobody knows what we do and it has to stay that way." She shook her head. "He's keeping you busy because you just added another ally to your team. A student who just became the youngest state alchemist ever? Shit Roy, way to paint a target on yourself. Now he's threatening your most precious asset to make you never want to leave this fucking job. He's threatening your wife!"

"And what makes you think I'm looking to leave this job?"

"When my brother Sam isn't shattering his wrist fingering his secretary he's usually worrying about who might be trying to climb up the ladder and compete against him in his bid for the next Furhur."

"Grumman's been dropping my name then?"

"Yeah."

McClellan piped up. "So exactly how does a man break his wrist fingering a girl? What was he fingering? Her appendix? Tonsils?"

Roy ignored him. So Grumman's push to get him promoted was making waves. Why? It's not like anyone really considered him a threat, not unless it was time for favorite professor of the year awards. "So he invited you to the retirement party to have you get information out of me?"

"We went to school and war together." She shrugged. "Easy conversation starter. Hey Buddy, how you been? Up for promotion anytime soon? Blah Blah. Don't worry he doesn't suspect I even talk to you anymore. Unfortunately Bradley knows better since you picked me to be on your team. Then again you keep me in check so he doesn't have to worry about me pushing back against Creta."

"Please don't start a war under my watch." He mumbled and looked through the intel, no longer willing to take it home with him. It would have to stay in storage here. "Lecture me on history and politics all you want but without a shred of evidence your arguments hold as much water as Kimblee's theories."

"Ouch." She stood up straight.

"You have issues remembering that this job, working for me, is not a way for you to manipulate me or my resources to support your command on the Western front."

"I told you this as a friend and you're going to give me the cold shoulder and pull rank in order to lecture me?" She narrowed her eyes at him.

He sighed and closed his eyes. "I really didn't want to come to work today."

"Neither did I, I'd much rather be in bed with Breda but instead I'm asking you to please keep in mind what I'm telling you."

"That terrorists are going to try and blow up the bank where my wife works? That the Furhur is trying to hobble me by threatening my wife?" He saw her look of sympathy, another commander who also had a lot on her shoulders. West City was no picnic either.

"That something is going on in Central Command. Why the hell aren't we attacking? When has the Military ever turned the other cheek instead of shooting first and burying the questions later? Never. Never in the history of Amestris."

"I'm not disagreeing with you." He replied.

"So, I did bring you something." Haley said and smiled as she picked up a long tube and placed it on the counter.

"Auto mail Penis, Extra long." McClellan chirped. "So you can be hung like a horse Mustang."

Haley jumped in front of the old man when Roy's eyes turned dark and he started to feel in his pocket for his gloves. "It's a Whitworth rifle. Old sniper rifle. For your wife!"

Roy glanced down as she took the rifle out of the shipping tube. It was a nice looking old gun and something Riza would find very thoughtful. A great 'sorry I'm a fucking pervert' gift. "Where did you get this?"

"I ended up a an antique auction following a lead and had to buy something."

"What lead?"

"Stop trying to micromanage me." She said coldly.

"Fine." He huffed and said, "By the way, take Kimblee as your date tonight. That's an order. I need you both in there working the crowds."

They all turned as the phone rang and a stillness fell over the room. McClellan looked at the two officers and saw their shoulders slump, knowing a call this early could only mean one thing. For all their arguing, they still were good friends. The verbal jabs only a way to vent and try to remain sane in a double life that put a great deal of stress on every aspect of their lives. He sighed and picked up the phone. "Sacrificial Pawn, how can I help you with your pawn brokering needs?"

* * *

Breda's eyes lit up for just a second as he saw the unexpected guest get out of Mustang's car. Then he saw Mustang's lifted eyebrows and composed himself, saluting. "Colonels."

Roy wondered if anyone else saw the tension between them as Whitman came over to his side. They played the professional part well, but nobody was that good. There was always a look of excitement in the eye, an elevated pitch to the voice and Breda watching her like a damned hawk every time she was in the vicinity.

"Lieutenant." Haley replied and looked over at Kimblee, dreading going over and putting on the required show. It wore her down pretending she was here to make sure he took her to that damned party tonight, letting all these people see them together in order to validate why she was here. Why the hell nobody arrested them for fraternizing was beginning to grate on her nerves. The Crimson Alchemist didn't have a military post though, he was an alchemist working in a military facility in a different district. She gave Breda a nod before making her way over to her "boyfriend". The things one did for their country.

"This just keeps getting better and better." Roy sighed and looked at the scene where the latest incident had occurred. The night crew had to handle a bomb threat this morning and the newest member of his team responded with them. Lt. Colonel Solf Zimblee was in charge here, nobody would question why that man was picking through debris and examining explosive devices. He looked over at Fullmetal hanging his head in the back seat of the car as Zimblee ordered people around. Instantly he came up with the cover story, Kimblee responded to the bomb threat while taking Fullmetal home from the alchemist hazing party. They had the party at the bomb lab so they could play with their alchemy skills without causing property damage. That would work. "Alright Breda, report."

Breda frowned. "We arrived on the scene to see the bomber planting explosives in the lockers near the back of the trains station. When confronted he revealed he was wearing explosives himself, and was prepared to go down for his cause. Ed was going to make a move...but Kimblee ordered him to stand down and took care of the guy himself."

Roy closed his eyes. He knew what that meant. Kimblee blew up the man in order to save the bomb. That's what he did, he blew people up and in this twisted world he got commendations for it. As much as it bothered him, he was actually glad the guy was on his team so he could perform the much needed task. He just wished his teenage alchemist didn't have to see that on his first day. "How is Ed handling it?"

"As well as a kid can handle watching a man explode from the inside and cover every square inch of the room with liquified body parts. Teeth, bone bits...everything is still all over him." Breda looked at the kid just sitting there. Why the hell were they exposing him to this? What was Mustang thinking?

"And Kimblee?"

"Oh you know him, just turned around and told Ed that the guy already was going to take his own life so it wasn't a tough decision. He needed the bomb to study it. The alternative was letting him set it off himself and kill innocents. Thankfully he kept his maniacal cackling and detail play by plays to himself this time. He was more interested in showing Ed that you still have to pick an option even if they both are evil. Then he went about his business and I asked Ed to wait for me in the car."

Roy nodded. "Looks like everything is under control here, why don't you take Whitman home and I'll make sure Ed gets cleaned up and back to Hughes."

"Colonel?" Breda asked.

Roy knew what he was going to say and answered him. "Because he's already seen worse. The only way I know how to protect him is to have him work for us. Don't worry, I won't have him working with Kimblee again."

Breda nodded and opened the car door, Ed's golden eyes drifted up to him. "Hey Big Guy, I'm going to take off. The Colonel will make sure you get home. If you want to talk, Hughes is there. You can trust him. We're a team, we don't have anyone but each other."

Ed nodded and looked away. "Right."

"Ed." Roy paused and tried to come up with something to say that would make this not horrible.

"I'm going to protect my family." Ed looked up at him. "So don't say it Mustang. Don't treat me like a kid."

"Alright." Roy said quietly. "Then lets head back to headquarters."

"What the hell are we still fighting this war for? Why is the next generation still having to deal with our mess?" Breda said as soon as Roy closed the car door. He looked over at Kimblee flicking an eyeball off one of his newest specimens. It was just down to the cleaning crew now, they could leave him alone to do his real world job now.

"I'm going to try and answer that tonight." Roy said and looked at the bombs Kimblee had the crew carrying out into the parking lot for labeling.

"Sir?"

"Sorry Breda, I'm turning Kimblee and Whitman loose tonight at the retirement party. Let them find their evidence. Let them stir up the hornets nest and see who comes out to sting us."

"It's Ok sir. The Gossip column is actually pretty neat, I'm dating a celebrity." Breda smirked. "She tends to wear me out, I guess a few hours of sleep before she comes home riled up will do me good."

Roy gave him a nod and wondered if he could remain as optimistic if he was in their situation. Could he really handle sneaking around to spend time with Riza? Never able to take her out in public on a proper date, always in the shadows afraid someone might find out? Would Riza handle him pretending to whore around? The irony of it was that Breda and Whitman didn't have to hide anything from each other, not like Maes, Havoc and him. Maes had tried to cheer up Breda one day, chirping his usually rhetoric about marriage and kids and Breda sullenly laid out reality for him. It wasn't going to happen. Her family would never allow it, he was either going to have to climb his way through the ranks to the top or quit. There was no quitting, there was no promotions. There was a job that had to be done that they all believed in, so he could just stop dangling that future in front of him unless he wanted to get his nose broke. So tonight Breda got to go home and watch his girlfriend get dressed up to go out on a date with another man, a man currently wiping liquified human bits on her ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews appreciated. Or come find me on tumblr @ http://bleedingcoffee42.tumblr.com/ and harass me there.


	6. Busy Weekend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I named my OCs after cavalry saddles since FMA characters are named after military vehicles. I am a history nerd, it makes me happy to do crap like that.
> 
> There will be a sex scene at the end in case you need to cover your eyes or prepare to stop reading.
> 
> Chapter is short due to the retirement party needing to be contained in it's own chapter.

_Covert Affairs_

Chapter 6

**Busy Weekend**

* * *

Olivier Armstrong sat in the bank vault and toyed with the letter opener she had swiped from a desk upstairs. It was Saturday morning, the bank was open until noon and she was here in the vault staring at a wall of metal safe deposit boxes waiting on Riza. Since she was in town to celebrate General Gribaldi's retirement and bid adieu to another geriatric officer skilled in obsolete tactics, she could pass off a stop at the bank as a convenience. In reality it was a way to get information straight from the source instead of the abridged versions Grumman sent to her. She worked for the old man, but only because they had similar goals in this particular instance. She was not the kind of woman who trusted anyone to provide her with an accurate intelligence report when it was her command on the line.

Riza held a stack of papers close to her chest as she entered the room. She set the stack down, only needing it to provide an excuse for her to come down here. "General."

"So what's that old bastard not telling me?"

Riza sat down. There was no need to inquire as to which 'old bastard' she was referring to. "I'm not sure what he  _has_  told you."

Olivier toyed with the letter opener and then set it down. "Information leak is high up in Central. Spy activity increasing in complexity. Don't worry your pretty little head about it."

Riza shook her head. If there wasn't enough animosity between them as professional rivals, her Grandfather was having a bit too much fun teasing her. If it wasn't creepy, she'd find it amusing. She could see Roy doing the same thing if he was in Grumman's position. "Drachma is sending down teams, spy cells, now. Their tactics are evolving. For the past five years we dealt with one spy with a series of handlers. An individual capable of immersion and left on their own to complete their mission. Now they're using teams, setting up a command center and moving once the mission is complete. Dedicated teams rooting themselves in Central instead of single individuals trying to achieve a single goal and being retasked."

"So we've stopped playing the old super spy game of your Grandfather's era." She tapped her fingers on the table. "Have you looked at any of the intelligence you recovered?"

"Only one. Everything else was turned over with no seal broken."

"Turned over to Central so that they could hand it back over to Drachma again. What a tired cycle."

Olivier frowned when she remembered that General Raven was the man in charge of that highly classified information nearest the Furhur. So now she had to mingle with him at the party, great. "What did you see then? What was the incredible secret we were handing over to our enemies?"

Riza gave her an apologetic smile. "It was alchemy research, for re-certifcation. It was about fruit cake."

"I'm not up to date on on my list of State Alchemists. Who is the Fruit Cake Alchemist?"

"No...it was just about fruit cake." She said. "How fruit cake can be used as a weapon. It's density able to hide incendiary devices from bomb dogs, traverse the postal system without detection and be a water tight encasing for submersible explosions."

"What fucktard wrote that?"

"Solf Kimblee."

Oliver grabbed the letter opener and wedged it into the table. "Fan- fucking-tastic. That moron had a carload of flowers delivered to my parents house this morning."

"Flowers...are nice." Riza said trying to picture Kimblee courting Armstrong. Sadly it seemed like they might hit it off.

"Flowers suck ass." Olivier snorted. "They also make my brother go into one of his fits where he dances, sparkles, cries and bellows about romance. " Shit. Now she was going to have to deal with him  _and_  Raven? Not to mention Grumman. Someone was going to die today.

"Anything else General?" Riza asked. It seemed like there was a lingering issue.

"Yes. Have you heard of a man with the code name Odysseus?"

"No, haven't heard of him. Is he one of ours?"

"Not unless we have someone trying to start a war with Drachma from our side." She leaned over the table and held up the letter opener to see the etched crest of Amestris in the blade. "From what we've been able to get out of the captured spies, there is an individual who started pushing Drachma to heighten the espionage campaign while Amestris was busy in Ishval. So it's old information, but pertinent. It wasn't one of their people. Whoever it was reorganized and revitalized their spy division by submitted a new operating manual, the results of that training we're now just starting to see."

"So Odysseus is the person responsible for the spy cells?"

"This is a revolutionary way of thinking for them. I've dealt with Drachma for most of my military career and they don't divert from their standard tactics much. Team work on this scale would have been looked at a way to compromise the objective by having too many individuals involved. That's why, up til now, they have relied on the one spy with support of their handlers. Easier to ensure that there is no liability if the mission goes awry. Teams tend to make people dependent and soft. A handler can put a bullet in your head if you've failed much easier because you're just an agent."

Riza sat back in her chair and thought about that. "So this Odysseus is an independent contractor?"

"Appears so." Olivier watched her mull over the information. "Something we've overlooked. Considering someone in Central has been leaking information, I'd be curious to find out who this Odysseus was working for."

* * *

Ed almost nodded off to sleep again but Hughes laid on the horn as some kids chased a ball into the road. He straightened up in his seat and looked out the window. Sleep had come quickly this morning as soon as he collapsed on the bed in the guest room of the Hughes's. He woke several times, his mind had been on a loop repeating the early morning events, but he eventually dozed back off. When he did wake up it was because Elicia and Al were putting his hand in a cup of water to see if it would make him pee. He smiled as the little girl laughed, then decided to get up. Yes, he could do this job so that neither one of them had to see what he did. As soon as he had breakfast, Hughes announced they were going for a ride.

The car had stopped without Ed noticing and he grabbed his satchel as he got out of the car. He followed behind Hughes and rubbed his weary eyes. Hughes had waved something rather irresistible in front of his eyes, the National Library, and he had obediently followed him to the car without much bitching. It seemed it was time to meet the Lightning Alchemist and find out what horrible things  _that_  guy had to do for a living. He was too tired to tell him he didn't need to be watched, but the man wouldn't take no as an answer anyhow.

"Ed, take the elevator to the fourth floor. Major Whitman will be there waiting to show you around. Without proper credentials, nobody but state alchemists are allowed up there." Maes said and put his hand on the kid's shoulder. "Ask the guards for some coffee if you need it."

"OK." He dutifully followed the instructions and leaned against the elevator wall as his eyelids began to droop. He jumped as the elevator dinged. Somehow his tired legs carried him out the door.

"Are you Ed?"

Ed looked at the guy leaning against the guard station with a book in his hand. He was probably in his mid twenties, dressed in simple civilian clothes and pale skin denoting he didn't get out in the sun much. "Yeah? Are you Major Whitman?"

"Zane." The alchemist said and offered his hand. "Not really overly proud of my titles so lets leave the formalities at the door when we can. Show Mr. Foust your watch and we can go to the room where I already pulled some books for you."

"Ok." Ed did as told and wished he could be more enthusiastic about being surrounded by aisles upon aisles of alchemy books. Instead he followed Zane down the hall and into a room where he closed the door. Damn he was tired. On top of all this he still had a shit ton of homework to get done this weekend. He was going to have to take that up with Mustang on Monday, if he was already a Major than why continue going to school?

"Congratulations on your certification!" Zane said and sat down.

"Yeah, I already saw the cost of it in the first week." He plopped down in the chair and looked at the stack of books. "So Lightning Alchemist huh?"

"My original research was bio-electricity. I developed a defibrillator for the military's medical division." Zane sighed. "I guess when they gave me my certificate and I saw my title I should have figured out it wasn't what they wanted out of me."

"Oh?" All Ed could see was that Cretian man at the train station, his face set in determination as he showed them the explosives on his chest. Then Kimblee stepping forward, the crackle of light that signified an alchemic reaction and then a red blur as the man's body exploded. He shook it off. Surely someone who created a piece of medical equipment to save lives wouldn't warp it to blow people up.

"I had dreams of harnessing electricity for the more rural locations in Amestris, using the electromagnetic field or the energy in the atmosphere." Zane sighed. "Instead I ended up in a war zone before I even graduated using electricity to torture and experiment on people. Oh and the occasional ground to cloud lightning to destroy villages and civilians. "

Ed swallowed hard. That red burst of liquid and solids came back into his mind. The red hailstorm of material that used to be a human. Such a high cost to make a human with alchemy but so easy to destroy one. How was that just? "So Kimblee's well practiced skill of blowing up people..."

"Honed in Ishval."

"What about Mustang? How did he become the 'Hero of Ishval'?" Ed asked. He didn't see anything other than a simple teaser of what Flame Alchemy was, but by context clues alone he determined it could be a rather powerful weapon.

"That will be something you should ask him." Zane said and folded his hands. "So Fullmetal Alchemist, what is it that you do?"

"Alchemy without a transmutation circle. I concentrate on Earth based alchemy...but I'm pretty open minded."

"So why did I pull books on bio-alchemy and everything that isn't quite human transmutation but close?" Zane watched the kid hang his head.

"I screwed up."

"Haven't we all?"

"I cost my brother his body."

"Well, I can't condemn you for taking care of your family." Zane said quietly. "The only reason I didn't quit in Ishval was because it would have cost my sister her career. Something she'd kill me for it she ever found out."

"Didn't really talk with her much."

"Well right now I'm not talking to her either. She ordered me to electrocute a terrorist and quite frankly I'm none too thrilled with her at the moment."

"Must be interesting working together."

"Not really. She treats me like I'm still a kid and drives me up the wall." He sighed.

"So...why do you do it then? This job?"

"Ed, my family goes back to the very beginning of Amestris. You can go downstairs and find the Whitman name in every history book, every war commentary and even in the law books. What they won't tell you is how they have used their influence and money to keep control of this country in the hands of the elite. The corruption that is crippling this country is my family's legacy and it ends with this generation. Haley and I have vowed to end it and in order to do so we have to remain a functioning member of the military because when it comes time to change things...we have to be the ones to back the man who is going to do it."

"Who's that? Your brother?"

"Oh hell no. Sam? He's the good son, ready to keep things status qua when Bradley eventually retires. He's the perfect politician, you can't trust a word that two faced bastard says."

"Ok. Who then?"

"Roy Mustang." Zane said quietly. "He just doesn't know it yet."

"Mustang is going to run this country?" Ed frowned. "Is it too late to move?"

"He's going to save it." Zane said confidently. "As long as this job doesn't kill him first. Which is what we think Bradley is hoping for."

"Why would you tell me this?" Ed asked. "You don't even know me."

"I trust Maes's and Roy's judgment. I also know you probably are wondering what kind of mistake you made after watching Kimblee this morning. Unfortunately this job never provides you with clear right or wrong choice. It's always the lesser of two evils. So...it's better to look at the bigger picture."

"Which is?"

"An Amestris where we don't require our State Alchemists to commit war crimes. Where we don't label them with ridiculous superhero names to glorify them as the most advanced weaponry we have at our disposal. A world where we don't sit idly by and let our enemies cut us til we bleed out because the State has a different agenda; an agenda that doesn't include protecting the people it's supposed to serve."

"Are we talking about the same Roy Mustang?" Ed asked. "The guy who can't get to work on time or be bothered to grade our exams from three weeks ago? The asshole who keeps making short jokes? "

"Yes. One and the same." Zane smiled. "He's a multi-tasker."

"Quite the fan boy aren't you?"

"Guess you could say that." Zane chuckled. "So if you want to really do some research we should go visit my teacher, Mathew Hisalde. The State doesn't keep books like you need lying around, most have been destroyed or are in private collections. Our government is a little repressive, even though they boast this huge library. There's an incinerator in the basement for what isn't deemed proper by the state. My sensei happens to be a hoarder and probably has something you can use."

"Oh, which alchemist is he?"

"We always called him the 'Touchy Feely Alchemist', but he never was a state asset so he never got a catchy name."

"Sorry, but I think I'll take my chances here. I have dealt with enough perverts this week."

"He likes to hug." Zane said and saw the kid needed more convincing. "He's harmless, just affectionate. However it's your choice."

"Can I bring my brother?"

"Sure." Zane cocked an eyebrow. "Does he need a hug?"

"Probably, but more because he's an alchemist too and we haven't been able to spend a lot of time together recently. It sucks I couldn't bring him in here with me, it's bad enough I'm meeting all these famous alchemists and he hasn't." Ed admitted. "Zane, why are you so anxious to help us find this information?"

"To save you from the burden we all carry. The sooner you find what you need, the sooner you can quit this damned job and go on with your life." He sighed. "Which is what we all want or you wouldn't be spending the weekend with me. Nobody on this team wants you to tarnish your love for alchemy with the twisted intentions of the state."

Ed nodded. Yesterday it had been Kimblee's mocking voice who had invited Ed to question everything he believed to be true. Now Whitman was lying it out in the cold, hard truth. So was this why Mustang looked at him weird that day he recruited him? He didn't want to condemn him to this fate that both he and Whitman had already suffered through? He saw it on Lt. Breda's face this morning too, that look of disgust at themselves as adults for letting him be drawn into their fight. How the hell could he have paid the price to lay eyes on the Gate of Truth yet be blind to all this here on Earth? "Let's go meet with your teacher."

"What we discussed will have to stay in this room. I don't need the rest of the Team giving me shit about telling you the truth. You deserve to know everything, marching into battle as a naïve pawn only makes you hate yourself more for mindlessly obeying orders. As the  _Fullmetal_  Alchemist, I think you are most capable of all of us of handling the truth and making your own choices."

"Yeah. When I get to see Truth again you better believe I'm going to shove my own choices right down his throat." Ed looked at the other alchemist gather his notes. "So how many more babysitters do I need to break in?"

"Babysitting? That's what you think this is?" Zane snorted. "Welcome to Roy Mustang's team building routine. Introduce you to the team and us to you. Now everyone has an understanding of each other. Rather helpful if you are in need of a partner for a mission as you now have a developed knowledge of your co-workers to build on. Also allows us to educate you in the process, while affording us to opportunity challenge you mentally and see if you'll give us answers we don't like."

"Oh. So it's a test."

"It is." Zane stood. "With him, it always is."

* * *

Roy took his shirt off and looked at the stains on it. How exactly did he get something on his collar at the train station? He didn't even go near that damned mess! Then he frowned and remembered he had to help Ed pick bone fragments out of his hair and figured that's where the transfer came from. He hoped the kid would be alright, he wanted to believe that if he survived the failed transmutation of his own mother he would be just fine. Then there was a part of him that hated himself for allowing Ed to be drawn into this hell. It was his fault that kid was sitting in a damp warehouse having someone's remains picked out of his hair. He threw his shirt in the laundry sink and began to scrub it, then added one of the detergent powders to the water. If he saw that spot earlier he would have just changed at HQ. He scrubbed the shirt harder, aggravated at himself for allowing it to happen.

Riza walked into the kitchen and set down her purse. There on the kitchen table was a shipping tube. Rather large, not poster sized. She wanted to inspect it further but heard splashing in the laundry room and went to investigate. She raised her eyebrows as she peaked around the corner. Roy's naked back was immediately the focus of her attention, his muscles flexing under his smooth skin as he bent over the laundry tub scrubbing at something. His casual slacks were so much nicer than his uniform blues; they did an excellent job of showcasing his firm buttocks under the cotton fabric. Just enough to make her want to walk across the room and grab him.

Roy felt someone else in the room and turned to look. He gave her a grin and wiped a bit of splashed soapy water off his cheek and on to his shoulder. "You're back early. I thought you were working until noon."

"When you got that call this morning, I thought you might be out a while. I wanted to surprise you with breakfast." Though this was a much nicer surprise.

"Had to go pick up Ed, he wasn't exactly with the most responsible adults. Alchemists gone wild usually involves a bunch of scientists showing off their bartending skills and the new alcohol they created with their spare time in the lab." It wasn't a lie. All of that was truth...just maybe not the reason why he went out this morning. He threw the shirt back in the sink to soak and dried his hands. "Actually I got you a present and picked it up this morning."

She took in the splendor of his bare torso and couldn't help but wonder again when he had time to develop abs like that. If he was always busy, the last thing he'd find time for was exercise. Especially when his favorite workouts all revolved around sex. She smiled as he gave her a peck on the cheek as he passed. He was pretty excited about the gift and didn't notice the lust in her eyes. She wished this had been one of the Saturdays when he would sleep in, dead to the world until she woke him up. She really was in the mood to pounce him.

He went to the table and couldn't erase the smile from his face. He loved giving her gifts. "I really think you'll like it."

Riza smiled, this was a nice break from how things had been going. It was great to come home and have a reason to push this morning's meeting to the back of her mind. Her brain was much more interested in her shirtless husband and the excited grin on his face. She walked over and he proudly presented her with the shipping tube. "What's the occasion?"

"I've just been a little preoccupied at work recently and..." He didn't want to bring up the porn incident. It was still fresh in their minds but for now he was going to ignore the elephant in the room. "Well open it."

The tube was unevenly weighted, so the object inside couldn't be symmetrical. She set it on the table and he hovered over her like he always did when he got her a gift. She opened the end of the container and felt inside. Her eyebrows raised as she pulled the item out of it's cardboard sheath and into her waiting hands. "Wow."

"Do you like it?"

Like it? The Whitworth was the first long arm specifically designed as a sniper weapon. It was a piece of history in her hands. She caressed the worn antique wood stock and rubbed the nameplate that advertized it as a genuine Amestris Arsenal gun, stamped 1863. "How did you come up with this?"

He didn't want to lie about this. He was remembering one of original cardinal rules, something he had written in the operation manual when they first started his team in Central.  _Try to answer with truth, even if isn't the answer._  "A friend found it for me."

"Where's the bullet mold? It's a hexagon bullet, it won't shoot normal musket ammunition. The rifling is the hexagon twist not normal lands and grooves." She held up the rifle and smiled. It was in great condition. She hadn't shot a muzzleloader in ages! She always loved the smell of burning black powder, the flames billowing out the end of the barrel as the powder burned and the signature smoke wafting through the air in the aftermath. When Roy was an apprentice, he took her father's old Enfield musket off the mantle and used it to show her the concept of combustion. The percussion cap being the spark, the powder being the fuel source and the barrel being the channel for the kinetic energy. It was the first time anyone even tried to explain alchemy and he did it without talking down to her. His excitement didn't fade away either when she showed him what she could do with that old musket, how she could put the shot right into the old oak tree right where she said she would. Shooting, the powder burning...it took her back to that moment in their youth when she found a handsome boy who adored her for who she was. She never told him that, maybe now would be the opportunity. "I can't wait to shoot it!"

"Working on finding that bullet mold." He said with a smile. He knew exactly where to find it though, as there was a Lt. Colonel who probably had one in her desk in West City. Why ask for a favor when you can blackmail someone for it? Damned Whitmans. He should have known the gun would come with a price.

She put the rifle down and wrapped her arms around his neck and placed an excited kiss on his lips. "It's wonderful!"

He looped his arms around her waist as she placed another kiss on his lips. "We can go to the range at the Academy. One of the perks of the job."

"It's effective range is 1000-1500 yards."

Well the 200 yard range for the cadets sure wasn't going to do. "Well, I'll make some calls and see if we can go to a different facility."

She ran her hand over his bare chest. "I don't want you to pull strings..."

"Oh hell yes I will." he said with a grin. "What's the point of being a Colonel if you can't get access to a tank firing range so your wife can obliterate targets with an antique sniper rifle?"

"I was going to say, 'before you get the bullets'."

"Ah." He placed a kiss on her nose. "Don't worry, I'll get them."

She turned to look at the gun again as he walked back to the laundry room to finish washing his shirt. She was about to ask what he got on it, but figured it was probably some cosmoline from the gun being in storage. She heard him splashing around again and went back over to the door.

Roy picked up the shirt and frowned, expecting the detergent to have done some kind of magic in the few minutes he left it unattended. He picked up the box, curious to see what the instructions said about getting blood out. He felt Riza slip up behind him, her arms wrapping around his waist and her lips gently placing a kiss on his back.

"I like this new shirtless look you have going on this morning." Riza ran her hands up his abs and to his pectorals.

"I'm shirtless every morning." He dropped the article of clothing back in to the water and spun around to look at her. "So I think it's just the 'doing laundry' thing you're liking."

"Mmm?" She placed a kiss on his chest and then another on his collar bone. "I like having you home."

He let her pull him away from the laundry sink and over to the table that they used to fold laundry. She gave him a playful smile before pushing him back against the table and kissing him. Before he could get his hands around her and bring her into his arms, she was unbuckling his pants and pushing them off his hips. He rocked back, having to support himself with his hands on the table as she just had her way with him and his pants dropped to his ankles.

Riza ran her hand up his abdomen again and let the other one slip into his boxers. She felt the hitch in his breathing under her hand before she heard it, then looked at his face as she took a hold of his shaft and stroked him gently.

He was not in a position to do much, but that's exactly what she wanted. She wanted him to be paralyzed with arousal and enhance it by rendering him physically incapable of doing anything more than watching. She leaned up against him, kissing his chest lightly and continuing to give his erection plenty of attention as her palm pushed against his engorged head. He let a groan escape his lips and she pushed him down onto the table, freeing her hands long enough to climb on top of him and press her lips to his.

Riza placed her hands on his shoulders to keep him against the table and he used his now freed hands to start freeing her of her clothes. She kissed his neck, lingering on his Adam's apple as it fluctuated with his excited breaths and kissed her way up his jawline. His hands expertly unbuttoned her shirt then took a hold of her now exposed flesh and roamed over her back and side. His excitement level was evident by how quickly his hands moved, eagerly clutching at her slender form and enjoying the feel of her reaction to his touch.

Roy found himself limited again as she pressed her chest down on him and kissed him. Her rump still in the air for his eyes to see over her shoulder as soon as she broke off the kiss to suck at his earlobe. Riza as the aggressor usually resulted in these perfect little sexual displays that he knew weren't innocent; they were a tease that bordered on cruelty as she took command of the situation and made the most of it. He struggled to reach for her butt as her hands kneaded at his biceps hungrily as she began to kiss behind his ear and down his neck.

She smiled as he finally got his fingers on her skirt waistband and unbuttoned and unzipped it in record time. He rolled his hand under her skirt, hooking her panties between his digits and pushing the textiles off her body as he allowed the flat of his hand to graze the firm and smooth cheeks. She kissed him again, loving his touch and ingenuity. She kicked off her shoes and crawled further onto the table, assisting him in his endeavor and giving her the freedom to push his boxers down.

He was amazed at how well she could wiggle out of her clothes with his assistance. It was clearly a skill they mastered as a couple, knowing when to help out in the process and how to somehow make it even more erotic for the other person. As he pushed her skirt down, her body wiggled and slid up his, making sure to rub against him in all the right places as she did so. As she freed him from the constraint of his boxers her hand was once again stroking him and making him moan. If he wasn't aching for her bad enough before, it was exponentially worse now.

Riza smiled as he head tilted back and his lips parted to release a light but throaty moan. Eager to hear more she hovered over him, hand still wrapped around his cock and slowly lowered her body down on him. She was as aroused as he was but without his usual foreplay and delightful fingering she was still a little tense. It took a few moments to adjust to him, his face betraying the delight of feeling her pressing him into her body. She smiled as she sat up, shifting her pelvis to accommodate him better. His hands reaching out for her hips, needing to have a place to rest on her body while their passion held it's breathe to await the moment of initial penetration to pass.

Roy watched her reach up and undo her hair clip, the white button down shirt hung loose and draped over her black bra as she let her blond hair fall down. He wet his lips and waited for her to bend down close enough to let him run his hand through her golden hair, to kiss her flushed lips or bury his face in her cleavage. Instead she smiled and threw the hair clip aside, rocking her hips forward to initiate the next stage of their adventure. He reached out to touch her leg, dragging his fingers down to her knee as she straddled him. Then he grunted as she clenched her vaginal walls, just to remind him that she was capable of so much more than simply riding him on the laundry room table.

Riza bent forward far enough to capture his lips with her own, giving him the opportunity weave his fingers through her hair and run his thumb over her cheek as their hungry kisses drowned out the sound of their bodies slapping together. His free hand left her leg and landed on her breast, his fingers pulling back the edge of her bra to expose her nipple. She wasn't surprised or disappointed when he broke off the kiss to lock his lips onto the sensitive nub.

The act put him in a odd position, curled up in the middle in order to give his mouth access to her chest. So he unwound his fingers from her hair and freed his arm to prop himself up far enough to allow her to sit up a little straighter. It allowed her the opportunity to tug at his dark hair and increase the tempo of her rocking up and down on his cock. She made sure as soon as he sucked a little too hard on her nipple that she almost slid off him on one of her body's upward strokes. She felt his breathe catch, the airflow over her wetted tit made her hold her breath, then she clutched her muscles again, before slipping back over him. She looked down into his eyes and her hair fell down around them both. Even in the dimmed light she could see his lust, love and anticipation swirling in the darkened pools of his pupils.

He swallowed hard as his heart pounded and his hand slid down her back. A fine layer of sweat the only indicator that she had been working hard to provide him with this experience. He tried to go back to giving her nipple some well deserved attention, but she was thrusting faster and her forehead landed on his own. He could hear the little squeaks from her lips that were a sign that she had found a very pleasurable spot or movement that was going to bring her close to the edge. He ran his hand down to her butt again, groping and squeezing as he found himself entranced but the sounds she was making and even more aroused than he thought possible.

Riza felt him try to wedge his hand between them, trying to get at the one definitive spot on her body that would always produce the result he was looking for. She refused to stop what she was doing, she could feel him trembling, trying to hold back in order to ensure that she was weakened by the intense waves of pleasure from an orgasm before him. Those magical fingers however, would not be denied, and she quivered as he slipped his way between her folds and touched the treasured nub that he was looking for. She looked at him, that smile of triumph and satisfaction on his face as she felt her body tense around him. She tugged on his hair a little harder than intended and saw him wince a little.

Having her back arch and her breast smack him in the face was enough to tell his mind that it could relinquish control back to his body and allow it to enjoy the waves of pleasure it was keeping at bay. His hand stopped moving and he let out a small cry as their physical actions ceased and their bodies reveled in post-coital bliss. He wrapped his arms around her and leaned back as another ejaculation made him close his eyes and whimper, a faint smile creeping across his lips afterwards. He kissed her again as their panting and sweaty bodies tried to recover. He could hear his heart pound in his ears as they lay in silence trying to catch their breathes. He placed a light kiss on her temple and enjoyed the breeze from the ceiling fan as they lie on the table, a soft smile firmly etched on his face as he closed his eyes.

 


	7. Goodbye General Grab-Ass

* * *

_Covert Affairs_

Chapter 7

**Goodbye General Grab-Ass**

* * *

"Why do you think Mustang is the guy who will change the country?" Ed asked as the car made it's way up the long drive to a large old home on a hill. He wished Al could come with them but he already agreed to babysit Elicia so the Hughes could go to the retirement party. He was curious to meet someone else's teacher, he never really thought about how other alchemist's learned their skills before now. In his mind, teacher was synonymous with Izumi Curtis and it seemed like Zane's teacher was nowhere close to being her. Then again, who was?

"When the war ended, we all stood there looking up at the Furhur, listening to some speech about victory and glory. Hearing our comrades cheer and drink in the intoxicating words coming from his mouth, eager to head home and leave the war behind...happy to have survived and relieved to just be done with it. Wash their hands of all of it." Zane sighed. "Then there was Mustang's voice as he told us that he'd do whatever it takes to protect the people he loved and in turn they'll protect the ones they loved. That's what we try to do. All of us on this team. Our families, each other. Just like you protect your brother. That's the man who should be leading this country out of the dark ages. "

"How much did Mustang tell you about my brother?" Ed asked.

Roy warned him the kid tended to focus on the one unimportant thing in a statement. "Ed, to protect each other you sometimes need to know each other's secrets. Otherwise, you work against each other or to the wrong objective. "

"I don't know, I feel pretty fucking betrayed right now." Ed said coldly. "Those are  _our_  secrets and we own the rights to who knows about them. That's not his call. He's my damned boss, my teacher...not my fucking Dad. Even my Dad doesn't get to make any calls about my life either!"

"Ed, calm down." Zane said quietly. "It's a concern we both have as alchemists. Nobody is trying to rob you of your freedoms, but we are both have more experience with our work blowing up in our faces than you do."

Ed lifted up his arm, "Really asshole? I lost and arm and and leg. AND MY BROTHER'S BODY!"

"Wow you're dramatic." Zane sighed. And yet the the kid wondered why Mustang would share that information when he just broadcast it to the countryside. "Right now, we're both trying to stop another tragedy. Worried that there is a ticking clock that you haven't considered. I'm concerned because I was ordered to work in a lab with alchemists experimenting with blood seals after the war."

"Oh my God! Talk about drama and secrets! Why the hell can't you just come out and say this to begin with!?"

"You would have gotten out of the car in Central." He shrugged.

"Ok, so what is this Touchy Feely Alchemist's specialty?" Ed huffed. Maybe he just wasn't asking the right questions.

"He worked on capturing souls."

"OK, stop the car." Ed growled. "I'm done."

"He's the man who wrote the manual on blood seals." Zane saw Ed fidget and pull at his collar.

"That's not really...uh..."

"Yes it is." Zane said. "It's capturing a soul and locking it onto a foreign body. "

"Do you honestly think he can help me get our bodies back?" Ed asked, afraid that this was another one of those quests that ended up with some alchemist crying and explaining how his obsession ruined his life. "Or have something to help us with our research?"

"I don't know. He's a hoarder, you're going to have to ask him because only he knows what he has in that damned house." Zane cleared his throat. "Just don't move anything. He'll know."

"So what? Just walk in there and tell him what we did? That my brother is bonded to a suit of armor because of a failed attempted at human transmutation?"

"Don't worry, I'm sure he heard you when you screamed it a few minutes ago. No need to repeat yourself." Zane mumbled and wished the kid had a volume control."I'm more interested in finding out more about blood seals. If we could attach ourselves to inanimate objects forever we would have people walking around with eternal life. We don't. So there has to be a catch."

"You're suggesting, the seal is a temporary fix?"

"It worries me. There is a reason that alchemy is based around transmutation  _circles,_  that everything always comes full circle. Death to life, life to death. Man died, becomes grass, cow eats grass, man eats cow. A loop. Just like electricity, a circuit must be established in order to let the current flow."

"But when the circuit is disconnected, like a light switch..." Ed didn't have to continue. He thought about someone scraping the seal off Al, breaking the bond. Then again  _time_  would do the same thing, it didn't have to be a physical entity that did it. The blood would eventually deteriorate.

"I can shock a heart into working again, but if I continue to shock it to keep it working then I burn the tissue." Zane shook his head. "I can buy someone time, but often it's not a permanent fix. Something has to be done in order to change the initial problem, why the heart stopped. "

"Exactly what were you ordered to do in the lab?"

"Electrocute prisoners. Stop their hearts." Zane put the car in park. "The violent deaths, they're the easiest souls to grab. There is more anguish and anger, a more powerful force of energy in a soul that has been ripped from it's host too soon. Souls wither as the body ages, its why in a natural death they leave the body and slip away. It's why you hear of ghost stories, spirits unable to rest. It's very much the same concept. It makes it easier to pull the soul back and attach it to something."

"You've done this?"

"I helped. I forced the soul out, someone else was there to shove it back in a different container. Hence why I only vaguely understand blood seals and we need Hisalde's help."

"Who did you do this to?"

"Criminals." Zane hung his head. "People who already sold their soul to the devil to commit horrible acts of violence. It was supposed to make it easier to take the soul violently. Because they were already slated for execution."

"So this...is what you're trying to save me from?" Ed asked. "Being ordered to do things, like that?"

"Yes." Zane took a deep breathe. "That and the experiments definitely had a half-life."

"Dammit! Didn't anyone ever teach you to lead off with the important points first?"

"I'm not exactly the best at interpersonal communication, per my annual review." Zane admitted. "I spend a lot of time by myself working. I'm much, much better with written reports."

"Next time, write me a damned letter."

* * *

"I look stupid."

Rebecca put her hand on her hip and wished he was shorter so she could smack him upside the head. Damn men, so high maintenance. "You look great, Jean. I could do without that damned cigarette in your mouth but you look really fucking good."

He smiled and held out his arm for her as they prepared to enter the ballroom at Central Command. The military facility was designed to be impenetrable and imposing, mainly to keep the government's central offices safe but a huge part of that was to intimidate visitors. Nothing said "Don't fuck with us' better than hosting parties with these walls. It sent the same message to foreigners and Amestrians alike, nothing short of a nuclear blast would compromise the walls of this building or this regime. So as civilians and officers from far off posts walked down the halls, hearing their footsteps echo into the depths of the command center, Jean Havoc couldn't help but wonder if they realized what the architecture was subconsciously implying. He looked down at his girlfriend who looked absolutely amazing in her dress and smiled. "You look great tonight."

"I better, this dress cost a fortune." She heard him snort, she was never one to take a compliment well. "So did the underwear."

He coughed as he accidentally inhaled a bit too much smoke. "Tell me shit like that and I'm going to want to leave early."

"It's not like we paid to be here." She said and moved a little closer to him as she saw a pretty girls checking him out. Then Major Armstrong waved at them and she heard him bellow something about his little sister. Shit. Apparently having a nice rack was also part of the Armstrong traditions passed down from generation to generation. "The bank gave me the tickets since the General does so much business with us."

"I like what you're thinking Miss Catalina." He gave Breda a salute as he noticed him standing at the guard station. Crazy bastard insisted he be here tonight, he wasn't sure why he wanted to torture himself like that.

Rebecca gave Breda a smile and then checked the rest of the crowd as they finally entered the ballroom. She could see Christmas's girls waiting tables as well as hanging on the arms of some of the officers. Overall it was a decent distribution of people, the servers tended to go unnoticed , the escorts would hear the shameless boasting and she and Riza would be able to mingle. Who would really take notice of either of them anyway, just two women enjoying a party with their dates? Then there was Grumman who was a boisterous and ridiculous mess, waving his drink around and trying to relay information to General Armstrong who didn't hide the fact that she wanted to knock his geriatric ass across the ballroom. She directed Jean over to the buffet table, trying to avoid having them all deployed so close together. The server at the table smiled and handed her a little hors D'oeuvres on a folded napkin, she popped the little tomato and mozzarella beauty in her mouth and shoved the napkin into her cleavage. Thankfully Jean was busy helping himself to the 'tiny wrapped wieners' and didn't notice. She'd need that napkin map later to see if she couldn't do some investigating on her own.

* * *

Roy watched his wife go over to talk with her Grandfather who was trying to flirt with General Olivier Armstrong. There were moments like these when he wondered if the old man was starting to lose it but he wasn't about to walk in in the middle of that disaster no matter what! Instead he wandered over to pick up a wine glass and approach the dynamic duo of Kimblee and Whitman who seemed to be having a surprisingly good time. That worried him, but he was still riding that glow of euphoric bliss from the laundry room incident this morning and felt like he could handle them.

"So the scrap-booking incident?" Haley asked and watched Solf grin.

"I sort of had it coming. I used my artistic nude self portraits and underestimated the sexual appetite of the middle aged housewife." Kimblee replied and tinked his glass against Mustang's. "I should expect it being the Central Times "Most eligible bachelor of the Year", right?"

"That just shows how low the Central Times has managed to fall." Roy grumbled. God! What a fucked up world they lived in when that sleazy shit was a heartthrob.

"Don't be so jealous, pretty boy." Solf snorted. "My good looks and perfect answers to the questionnaire solidified me as the only choice."

Roy frowned. "What questions?"

"How would I change Amestris for the better." Solf smiled.

"So they liked the answer, "Blow it the fuck up?". " Roy asked and watched the grin form on his face. "Or the fact that you're the trendsetter who wears a white tuxedo, black shirt and white tie to a  _black_  tie affair?"

"I said the country needs less warning labels so we can encourage the culling of the weakest members of the herd." Solf glanced at Alex Armstrong. "I guess it was better than whatever that muscle head said. He probably wants more Alchemist Suicide hotlines and Mandatory Parenting Classes for all these loser parents that walk out on their kids."

They both watched him saunter over to the table where the Whitman family was trying to act interested, but clearly felt themselves better than the rest of the party-goers. Roy cleared his throat. "You're not worried about him talking to your parents?"

"Can they honestly think any less of me?" Haley asked.

He shrugged. Once upon a time he actually envied her for having a family, huge home and an impressive family history. Until he actually found out how horrible their childhood was. Made him thankful that nobody ever expected him to be anything instead of trying to pound him into a mold they made for him. Speaking of molds... "So where is the bullet mold?"

Haley cocked an eyebrow and smiled as Kimblee offended her parents somehow. "I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but Kimblee's a fucking riot. He needs to go to all parties from here on out."

"The bullet mold." He repeated. "What's it going to cost me?"

"That lead I told you about...I need someone to seduce her."

"I'm married." Roy pointed at Kimblee. "Take him."

"He's not exactly seduction material. He makes people cry." Haley smirked as her Father bristled with irritation and Kimblee laughed.

"Who is this you want seduced?" He queried. It was odd for her to choose the tactic over the option of violence. Really odd.

"Her name is Solaris Whitley, she married General Whitley about a year ago." She replied and chuckled as Kimblee got his ass grabbed again by General Gribaldi. "She's way too hot and intelligent to be that moron's wife. The woman practically drips sexuality out of her pores."

"Well sometimes relationships work that way." He frowned as Kimblee threatened the old general by flashing his hands and explaining what happened when he used them. The old man grabbed his balls for it. Roy almost snorted wine through his nose.

"How bad do you want the bullet mold?"

"Fine. Take Havoc." he countered.

"And what? Sacrifice him to the pagan god of sexuality in hopes that I can somehow get her interested in me?" She looked over at Havoc stuffing cocktail wieners in his mouth. "He's like a smoking Sasquatch."

"Take Havoc, when he's successful, send him home with the bullet mold." He repeated and drank some wine.

"If he's not, book yourself a trip to West City because I'm not giving that up until I get what I want."

"Which is what?" He asked. "Confirmation she's using him for prestige and money? Use your brother, he's loaded and single. Why is this any of my business anyway?"

"Zane's saving himself for marriage and thinks my gut feeling is dumb because it has no scientific backing. He's also pissed at me for making him shock some guy into arrhythmia so I could get that information about the Bank. " She sighed. "There have been way too many instances of Cretans showing up at a convenient time to try and take out one of the top brass at Western HQ. Meanwhile our supply trains are getting hit making it difficult to re-supply places like Pendleton. This is being orchestrated from within the walls of Western HQ and every time I make to correct it I'm redirected. That woman showed up on Whitley's arm and everything escalated. In the last six months tactics have changed. The assassination attempt on General Vale at the operahouse, our team's compromised intelligence...they're playing by different rules now. I need someone to get in her dress and be important enough to leak her information. I know that old goat talks in his sleep, he takes a nap in staff meetings and revealed his safe combo last week."

"Why the hell can't you just tell me this instead of dancing around the issue and blackmailing me?" Roy narrowed his eyes at her and she casually shrugged.

"You would have said no. You would have filed it under Western Command problems and not yours. You happen to be a possessive asshole about your resources."

He frowned. Truth is he would have demanded proof and denied the request. He didn't work off hunches. "Well..."

"Besides...you're getting sloppy. You should have figured out I was up to something when I gave you the gun to begin with." She finished her wine and smiled.

* * *

Riza was watching Roy's discussion with Lt. Colonel Whitman as Grumman discussed current status of affairs with Olivier Armstrong. The conversation over there seemed to be getting heated.

"Olivier!" Grumman threw back his head in an outrageous laugh before covering his mouth with his wine glass and saying, "I don't care who Raven is, if he touches you again break his face and we'll bury the body."

"I can handle him." Olivier didn't need the old bastard getting protective. "He is the best lead we have on the leak so if he wants to come to Briggs for an inspection, then let him."

"All he wants to do is inspect your bed." Grumman muttered through clenched teeth and a smile. "That man is not the man he used to be."

"If he's compromising my troops, then he'll never leave Briggs alive. However I don't look at it as a slap on the wrist from Bradley for pushing for a war, I see it as an opportunity to lure an enemy into my domain and play by my rules. Let him come and lord over me with his superior rank, he's already getting sloppy trying to rub against me like a fucking cat in heat." Olivier noticed the a fore mentioned General waving at her from across the room. He was even sitting next to his wife. Nice.

Riza admired her Grandfather's rather clever way of relaying information as his face looked like he was a shameless flirt but the words coming from his mouth were all business. "Have you heard of an agent that goes by Odysseus, grandfather?"

"He'll have been a name from the past, possibly the individual who changed Drachma's pathetic spy force into something that's wormed it's way into the top ranks of our government. Probably about five years ago or more." She glared at Raven again. "Another reason I'll let that bastard think he can worm his way into my pants. I want to see how he handles a few spies that might do some name dropping."

He smiled and shook his head. Damned Bradley, he was trying to hobble them even more with this move. Sure he was trying to send a clear message to Armstrong that she was not untouchable, but it was so much more than that. "I'll task Christmas."

Olivier looked over as Mustang pointed an angry finger at Whitman and she wondered exactly what their problems was. "I'd go over there and save that moron husband of yours before she breaks his finger. Hate to have him lose his magic snapping abilities, I'm sure manually starting the fireplace would just about kill him."

Riza sighed and walked over to see what Roy was fired up about now. It was one sure way to ruin his chances at promotion if he picked a fight in front of Central's Top Brass with the General's daughter who was always looking for a fight. "Roy, sorry to interrupt but..."

Roy gave Haley one last glare and then put on his smile for his wife. "Actually, there is something Lt. Colonel Whitman wants to tell you."

Riza raised her eyebrows. "Me?"

Haley sighed. "It was my porn."

"I'm sorry...what?" Riza blinked at the other woman.

"Roy was translating my imported porn so I would have something to give to my crippled friend Sgt. McClellan for his 60th birthday. Since the underage and weird stuff is really hard to find around here, I have to import it from Xing. Roy can read Xingese as well as use alchemy to replace the foreign text with Amestrian. He was working on it as a favor for me."

"You said it was a habit you picked up during the war." Riza looked at her husband who gave her an apologetic smile.

"He was trying to protect you and technically McClellan had his porn habit back then. See...I sort of imported illegal hentai using the military postal service and had it shipped directly to our military academy." Haley continued, the rehearsed story sounding rather convincing if she didn't say so herself. "We could have both gotten in serious trouble for it and he really didn't want to get you involved. Stupid on my part, I didn't think it through. I just was in a rush to get it translated since the shipment was delayed. Anyhow, he was covering for me and I doubt he has a porn addiction. Borderline alcoholic...definitely some mental issues...but no porn. I'm sorry if I caused problems, it wasn't my intention to make him even bitchier than he normally is."

"Really?" Riza looked up at him and saw his glare return as he seemed to want to stare Whitman into a pile of ash.

"Unfortunately yes. I lied to you to cover up my old friend's stupidity." Roy wanted to be happy with the instant line of bullshit she spit out as an excuse, but he wasn't too thrilled with the jab at his struggle with booze or his problems caused by the war. However she believed in selling a lie with truth and Riza knew his real problems even if he never wanted to talk about them.

"Who are you calling old? You're turning 30 before me." Haley snapped back and watched those dark eyes dance with anger. She was glad they didn't make pyrotex contact lenses or he'd blinker her into oblivion.

Riza wondered if that was what this was all about. He was super sensitive about his age, especially since he had accomplished so much in his early twenties then plateaued as he approached the 30 marker. "I suppose I should start planning your birthday party Roy. I'll make sure you get an invitation Colonel Whitman."

She grinned. "Wouldn't miss it! Well, if we're done here I have to go tease my brother about breaking his wrist and his new rather repugnant male secretary. " Haley bowed to them and punched Mustang's shoulder as she passed him. "Don't forget to invite Solf, he'll be the life of your birthday party!"

"Enjoy you night out with Kimblee." Roy snorted and watched her stiffen. "Maybe you should get your nose out of the porn and take advantage of that dick while you're here."

"Ha...Ha." She said dryly and waved a goodbye over her shoulder and looked for her next mark. God, it was like being in the academy again, Roy whining about his damned love life and nobody getting any damned work done because of it.

Riza turned to him and looked at his clenched jaw. "You were really going to take the blame for that, just to protect a friend?"

"Protect you. If somehow this came back on me, I didn't want you to have to lie for me." He was surprised when she kissed him.

"Thank God. I thought I drove you to looking at that garbage because I've been working so much."

"No, I...never needed anything but you." He whispered and she hugged him. He let the tension of the conversation he just had leave him and welcomed her embrace. He could hear an 'Awww' that sounded like it came from Alex Armstrong. He didn't want to turn and look in case the man already found a way to rip his shirt off.

"Sorry I doubted you." She smiled at him and watched that glow return to his face. "However right now my Grandfather wants to talk to you about your career. He doesn't understand where your ambition went."

"My ambition?" He repeated. Great! No sooner does he lose the 'pervert' label than he's saddled with 'lazy'. He looked up as Olivier Armstrong raised her glass in a mock toast and gave him a smile. Oh fantastic! Now she was going to be part of the intervention to put his career back on track? What the hell was Grumman up to? "I'm an alchemist, my ambition revolves around research and truth. Besides, I scored quite a few points having Fullmetal certified and written into the record books as the youngest state alchemist ever."

"Roy, I'm not trying to start a fight I'm just relaying an invitation to talk with my grandfather." She looked over as Grumman brushed a loose strand of Armstrong's hair back behind her ear and laughed as a vein began to throb on the woman's forehead. "Perhaps sooner the better as he apparently is trying to get castrated tonight to avoid having his annual physical exam next week."

Roy was pretty sure if he hadn't already been mentally damaged by his job that he would have been forever scarred by his encounters this week. First it was the automail penis, then Grumman flirting with Armstrong and now the mental image of some army doctor telling that old man to "turn your head and cough." Worse was that the old shit was probably going to find a way to mention he was taking his foster Mom out on a date this weekend. He was glad he put aside his ambitions for a while, clearly there was a lot more to fix about this country than just the government.

* * *

Olivier narrowed her eyes at the smiling Haley Whitman and growled. It annoyed her that the second highest ranking woman in the Amestris Military seemed to be just as bad as the rest of her family in whoring around. However that was not why she was agitated. The sneer managed to lure the other woman over. "That boyfriend of yours sent me flowers."

Haley smirked and replied without hesitation. "Not surprising. He calls out your name in bed."

That made Grumman almost choke on the hors d'oeuvers he was eating. He looked over at Kimblee who was clearly trying to threaten Gribaldi but was having a hard time doing so as he needed his hands to protect his posterior. Then Whitman cleared her throat and he looked back to her smile as she played with the straw in her drink.

"Then again, so do I." Haley watched the Ice Queen tense. "Though I'm more of a offensive player so your lack of action up in the North is beginning to cool off my fantasies. Thought you'd be more aggressive, I was hoping I'd be the one pinned down by a superior...not you."

Roy heard those cool words from his subordinate as Riza lead him over to the confrontation. He caught the look of fury in Armstrong's eyes and then looked at Grumman. Neither of them ever thought they'd be so happy to see Kimblee saunter over.

"So out of curiosity.." Kimblee rubbed his ass and frowned. "Did Grab-ass ever touch you girls in the academy because he's really coming on a little strong thanks to all that scotch."

"Lt. Colonel Whitman, "Armstrong said making sure she reiterated the fact that the woman was still  _way_  outranked . She also wasn't going to let that little comment slide, no matter what the distraction. "If you're going to pick a fight best you remember who your enemy really is. I'll give you a little hint, look West."

"I'm not in charge of the entire region, I'm just a simple soldier waiting for my turn to go to war. You however..." Haley had to pause as some awful guttural sound came from the man in a white tux beside her.

"Ugh." Kimblee spit out the little spinach quiche he picked up off the servers tray as she passed. "Since when did they start liquifying garbage and putting it in pastries?"

Roy sighed. Thank God for the tactless. At least the man was good for defusing situations as well as bombs.

"Maybe it's Soylent Green." Kimblee looked at the half chewed substance on the napkin. "Not to ruin the book or anything, but you don't seem like the crowd to enjoy that genre. Soylent Green...it's made out of people."

They all stared at him as he wrapped up the napkin and threw it at General Hakuro's drink, sinking it into the champagne glass with a splash. He turned his gaze away as the General stood and looked around for the culprit.

"I bet philosopher's stones are made out of people too. Poetic really...look into the soul to see Truth. Truth really is that spinach quiche tastes like ass." Kimblee felt around in his tuxedo pocket for a candy or something to get the nasty taste out of his mouth. He found a cherry flavored cough drop and determined it would do the trick. He looked at his date and popped the lozenge in his mouth, then grinned to show the ruby red corn syrup product displayed in his teeth. "Now cherry...that's a different story entirely."

* * *

Rebecca looked over her shoulder as she approached the ladies bathroom and made sure nobody was standing guard in the hall. She pulled the napkin out of her cleavage and looked for the office that was marked on the map. According to tit she could gain access to a separate hallway through the mail room. All it would take was a a few picked locks.

She put her hand into her dress and pulled the underwire out of her bra to use as a lock pick, then shoved the napkin back into storage down her dress. In a few seconds the door clicked open and she allowed herself a cocky smile before slipping into the dark room.

* * *

Roy excused himself from the party as soon as he saw Grumman slip out. He was determined to catch the old man alone, be it in his office or the bathroom, and discuss this promotion issue in private. It was drawing way too much attention to him and right now he really needed to keep everyone's eyes off him. He purposely passed Kimblee to make sure he wasn't causing too many problems. Basque Grand wasn't a man with a sense of humor nor a high tolerance for people questioning his authority.

"Crimson, you're out of line." General Grand hissed.

Kimblee snorted. Leave it to the guy in charge of the entire Alchemist corps to continually call you by your certification name to remind you who you worked for. "All I'm saying is that it would be nice if Shou Tucker made something useful. Like a unicorn! It doesn't even have to shit rainbows, it just needs to be a goddamned unicorn instead of all those fucked up monstrosities he's been churning out. It's like walking into a Miyazaki film when you go into his lab."

Roy gracefully slipped between a few tables to avoid going near that conversation. He finally spotted Hughes who raised his glass in a salute as he introduced Gracia to a few Generals. Then he saw Frank Archer marching over to insert himself into that situation in order to kiss ass and Roy turned again. He almost spilled wine on a girl and then recognized her face. "Vanessa?"

"Hey Roy!" Vanessa smiled and whispered, "Shh...don't say anything. I'm working tonight."

He nodded and continued to make his way out of the ballroom. He briefly wondered who had hired her as an escort but determined he really didn't want to know. He finished off his wine and placed it on a server's tray as he exited the room and made it into the hallway. The door shut behind him and the quiet and cool air of the hall was a welcome reprieve from the room behind him. He heard footsteps heading down to the East wing and walked briskly to catch up.

* * *

Grumman sat down at his desk and rubbed his temples. He finally managed to slip away from the party and get to his phone. He looked at the stack of "While you were out" post its on his desk to see if Christmas's girls had managed to find anything. Most of them were reports about the Crimson Alchemist and his suspicious behavior and ridiculous statements. Apparently he really upset one of the girls by telling her he'd rather get a blow-job from a panda because it would require fewer vaccinations. God he was weird.

He put his hand on the phone and wondered what the next generation of officers was going to do with this country. Before the war, Central was tingling with excitement over what the Academy was producing. Loyal Frank Archer, quirky but destructive Kimblee, talented and patriotic Mustang, the clever but manipulative Whitman, that sharp, observant Hughes and the deadly accurate Hawkeye. He smiled, Riza had been an outstanding cadet and her marksmanship scores still were the best they had ever seen. However he took her from that and despite the horrors she saw in her job, he was glad he did.

All those officers returned from Ishval changed, maybe not as drastic as the breakdowns of both the Strong Arm and Lightning Alchemists, but they all were different. War did that, it wasn't a foreign concept to him, however there was a distinct difference this time. These officers lost their innocence exterminating their fellow citizens, not defending their country from attack. They lacked a cause; something that would put the mind at ease when they asked themselves 'why?'. In one simple move the military used up the best group of young officers they had seen in years. If he didn't know any better, he would have said it had been done on purpose. The determination and skills they had possessed straight out of the academy, a fresh approach to strategy and leadership had been crushed and dampened out in the desert. Had they looked to Aerugo instead, they would have dealt an crippling blow to the country.

He shook his head. Seeing those faces again at the party apparently made him nostalgic. Drumming out an old, tired soldier like Gribaldi and watching the Generals of tomorrow mingle amongst old comrades made him remember how their files ended up on the table in the Furhur's office. The top brass ogling cadet files, aptitude test and professor assessments. Intelligence reports detailing their personal lives. How they had picked through and chose these kids futures for them, with only sheets of paper in manila folders. He drew in a deep breathe and knew his old mind was pushing those memories to resurface for a reason. He just wasn't sure what that reason was.

He finally picked up the phone and dialed Christmas's, smiling when he heard her raspy voice come over the line. "Well Hello to you too Madam. I happen to be in the mood to unwrap a little  _Christmas_  present, so why don't we start off by telling me what you're wearing?"

Roy's hand was on the doorknob as he heard Grumman's voice carry out of his office. He felt bile rise in his throat. He knew that the old General was dating his foster Mom, but knowing relationship statuses was not the same as hearing the old bastard's voice in that perverted pitch.

"Switch phones, I don't want those degenerates in the bar getting something for free...I'm not."

Roy gulped. She was charging him for this!? He wasn't surprised his foster mother would do that but he was appalled that his grandfather-in-law was paying for phone sex from his Mom! Then the cheerful old man's voice turned husky and it got worse.

"What's in it for you? How about a lonely sailor who has navigated these seas for five long years wanting for the touch of a fine woman. I'm Odysseus looking to nestle my ship in your harbor, before the weather turns and the seas freeze."

Roy turned away and shuddered. He needed to find a bathroom to either regurgitate the spinach quiche or drown himself in the toilet. What the hell was that!?

* * *

Kain Fuery threw down his headphones and shivered. "Oh My God!"

"What?" Breda asked. Was this the break through they had been waiting for?"

"I just heard General Grumman talking dirty to Colonel Mustang's Mom!" Fuery gave another involuntary shiver.

Breda patted the kid's shoulder as he crossed his arms and put his head down. "I'll go get you a drink."

"I'm too young to drink."

"After hearing that, no you most certainly are old enough." Breda shook his head. Had they uncovered anything tonight? Anything that was worth this poor kid losing his innocence like  _that_?


	8. Something Foul in the Air

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I'm a history buff so I do tend to drag a lot of that into my writing. The gold vs silver standard is a late 1800's political debate in US history. The Wizard of Oz is also rumored to be an allegory for the Populist movement of that era.

_Covert Affairs_

Chapter 8

**Something Foul in the Air**

* * *

Ed tried to balance on the old piece of rusted cast iron patio furniture that was impossible to level on the old sunken brick walkway. He thought about using alchemy to fix it but really didn't want to hear Hisalde bitch about something else. More than likely even the bricks were placed exactly where he wanted them and he'd get upset about something in this estate being functional. He looked at the Tiki torches illuminating the patio and some of the garden. He was glad they still had citronella oil in them as the unmowed yard probably was a breeding ground for mosquitoes.

He waited for Zane to come back with the books promised, but for now he was sitting outside by himself overlooking a weedy flower beds, a wasp invested grape arbor and an apple orchard over run with poison ivy. The estate clearly fell into disrepair years ago and he wondered if it corresponded with him hiding inside the house, surrounded by books and chalkboards. The good news thus far was that the Touchy Feely alchemist was indeed just a very lonely man who hugged people to be affectionate and not creepy. The bad news was the guy had really bad cat allergies and apparently Alphonse's stray kittens had nested on his coat at some point. Hisalde was having sneezing fits and finally threw him out of the house to alleviate some of his discomfort. Ed suspected that might have had more to do with him using the decorative towel in the bathroom instead of the paper towels 'clearly' placed for guest use underneath the sink. Ed looked up as Zane emerged from the house carrying some books.

"Really sorry about you having to work out here. I didn't think to tell you about his allergies. I honestly didn't think Hughes had a cat." Zane picked his way through the brick death trap and set the books down on the table.

"He doesn't." Ed sighed. "My brother however must have saved some cats recently and hid them in our room."

"So here are a few books with notes." Zane sat down and brushed some dust off one. "Sensei said that he's been working on reversing the blood seals now. His tests haven't gone too well...he mumbled something about bonding a squirrel to the toaster and setting the kitchen on fire."

"What's up with this guy?" Ed asked. "Did his research cause him to crack or something?"

"Oh no." Zane shook his head. "His wife left him and took their son."

"That sucks."

"Yeah, she wouldn't give up her cats and he was developing a drug tolerance of the allergy medicine." Zane shrugged.

"That's sad." Ed replied. What was with people these days?

"It's why he came to teach me." Zane sat down and looked at the house. It wouldn't be hard to just fix it with alchemy, but Hisalde seemed to just want the place to rot away. "He missed his son."

"Hence the hugging?"

Zane nodded. "It was a blessing, really. Without him I think my sister and I would have turned out to be the obedient little minions my parents wanted. Just like my older brother Sam. Instead Hisalde taught us to show our parents what they wanted to see so we could retain our independence."

"No wonder he doesn't have apprentices anymore." Ed said and picked up one of the notebooks. "i thought you said he wasn't a state alchemist. So why did he write these for the State?"

"He sold the research to them." Zane said. "You don't have access to what we do as an independent alchemist but you can still profit off your research by selling it to the government."

"Ah." Ed opened up the notebook and started to read. Is was something he hadn't considered either, most alchemists would encode their findings and not share it unless required to by their job. Hisalde's notes were clear as day, he didn't hide anything. He didn't want to, he thought the seals would be a way to help people. Just like he did with Al. Ed leaned over the table and started to read.

* * *

Rebecca sat down in General Raven's chair and swiveled back and forth as she checked drawers to find the one that was locked. Once she found the one that was she dropped down and checked the desk for some hidden keyhole or trigger to open it. The locking mechanism was in the base of the drawer, clearly trying to deter individuals with a common lock pick kit. Good thing a bra underwire could be molded to any size so she had no problem with the tight space. The lock clicked and the drawer opened.

She opened the drawer and chuckled when the first thing she saw in the moonlight was a doujinshi. She picked it up to illuminate the entire cover and had to bite her lip to stifle a laugh. Here in Raven's desk was a well used doujinshi called  _Frigid Bitch_ , a Olivier Armstrong/Roy Mustang adult manga. She could spare a minute or two to look at this, from the looks of the cover the Ice Queen was going to be the one taming the Flame.

* * *

When Roy returned he noticed Breda now standing at the door as part of the security detail. He tried to get the man's attention but he was concentrating pretty hard on the dance floor. Roy looked to see on what he couldn't help but suck in a little air and frown. Breda's eyes were transfixed on  _his_  girl out there without him. Haley was just being herself, not false persona was needed here, which made it worse. When you fell in love with someone, you loved their quirks and personality and it would have been easier to see some act than the real her. He knew the man well enough to know it wasn't out of jealousy, he believed she was faithful, he was jealous that he couldn't be out there with her. Roy looked over to Riza and gave her a smile, she returned it with a subtle pucker of her lips and he thanked God he never had to pretend to not be in love with her. However he wondered if it was really that much better to be lying to  _her_  about the work he did instead of lying to the world about the love they shared.

Roy walked over, he always felt guilty when he watched these two. A part of him wished they'd just abandon their goals, throw professionalism out the door and leave it all behind to be happy. It wasn't them though, the defining markers of their being were deeply rooted in their core beliefs, the military and unfortunately  _him_. Had Breda not been a part of his team he would easily be a Captain, if not Major, by now. The man's intelligence and his ability to know when to be approachable and when to be strict were the markers of a true officer of merit. However he was stuck with only one star on his epaulet, a post at the military supply station and this damned 'other' job that was slowly sucking the life out of them all. "Lieutenant."

"Sir." Breda looked over at him and bristled a little, upset at himself for being caught.

"Anything?" Roy just kept it simple. Easier to pretend he didn't see anything that way.

"Lots of escorts this evening." He said not wanting to mention Christmas's name after watching Fuery cringe after hearing...that. No reason to bring that up. Not unless he needed to win a hand at poker did the words "Grumman's having phone sex with your Mom." need to leave his mouth.

Hughes wandered over and pretended he was just there to talk with Roy and show him pictures. In reality, he was just there to show him pictures. "Look! I developed the latest ones from this afternoon!"

"Yay." Roy replied without an ounce of emotion.

"Look, Lieutenant, isn't she adorable!?"

"Yes, Sir." Breda sighed. Perhaps he wasn't too set on not blurting out that thing about the phone sex.

"Do we have anything tonight? Any chatter about the bank?" Roy asked, hoping they could actually get some recon done tonight.

"Just Gribaldi talking about his retirement fund." Hughes shoved a new picture in Roy's face. "Look! She just loves Al! He's such a good kid!"

"Hughes." Roy glared at him. "Do some damned work, please?"

"What's with you? You strolled in here with a glow you could see from space but now you're all moody again. Something to do with your conversation with Grumman?" Maes noted that both men tensed at the mention of the older General.

"You could say that." Roy sipped his wine and thought of something. "Who is in charge of the treasury department? Is that still, General Kohler?"

"The guy Kimblee is currently talking to?" Maes asked as the trio turned to see the Crimson Alchemist engaging the man in conversation. "Yup. That's him."

Roy sighed. "I think it's time to send Kimblee home for the night."

"I think we reached that point three hours ago, sir." Breda shook his head. Who knew the guy was such a social butterfly?

Roy smirked. "Mind going and breaking that up Lieutenant? Tell him someone broke into his car."

"Some crazed fangirl." Hughes said and savored the delicious little spinach quiche. "Since he's Amestris's most wanted bachelor."

"Yes sir." Breda smiled and walked off to deliver the news before racing downstairs to break the man's window so they could sell the lie to anyone at the party who was curious enough to check up on it. Yes, that's the only reason he wanted to damage his car.

Hughes offered his second quiche to Roy and he shook his head vehemently. "What? Doesn't it bring back memories?"

Roy made a sour face. Memories of puking after he heard Grumman making throaty noises as he chatted with his Mom. "You mean memories of basic training when you were a bully and an asshole?"

"Or the beginning of a beautiful friendship?" Hughes said and ate the other quiche. "You should thank me for showing you you had a spine, Roy."

"I'd prefer to thank you for a lead to justify my being here tonight." Roy huffed and stopped himself from running his hand through his hair. It was slicked back and he didn't want to have to fix it.

"Well..." Hughes threw away the napkin and washed down his food with wine. "Frank Archer seems to be pretty excited about an announcement that will come on Monday. Something about another star on his shoulder and a relocation."

"Good for him." Roy couldn't care less about that man. He was like a damned robot and had less personality than a dead tuna.

"To West City." Hughes said and Roy raised an eyebrow. "With an elbow in my rib cage he hinted that it was going to be working with us."

Roy looked to Bradley who was all smiles as he chatted with some of the Top Brass. Suddenly a conversation from the morning popped back into his head and he couldn't help but feel like he was being hobbled. Haley was onto something with her little speech and here was the proof. "Shit."

"Interesting thing is..." Hughes glanced over at Olivier Armstrong as she was trying to pry a wine glass out of her little sister Catherine's hands. "General Raven is going to Briggs to oversee an inspection there. Rumor has it the only reason General Armstrong is here this weekend is because she was pushing to declare war on Drachma."

Roy looked into his wine. "So Archer's looking at a promotion to full Colonel and a move to West City Branch to keep Whitman in line. He'll micromanage her right into a court-martial. Raven will be up North trying to objectify Olivier and defeat her strict and professional persona. She'll kill him after the fifth time he calls her baby, doll or sweetheart. Just like that, the two officers pushing for war are shut down."

"What the hell is going on Roy?" Hughes asked. "How does this benefit Amestris at all?"

"It doesn't." Roy's mind played through a dozen or more scenarios and failed to find one that saw this as a favorable move. "Who's side is Bradley on?"

Hughes leaned against one of the tables and looked his best friend in the eye. "I hate to say this, but the only way you're going to find out anything is by getting closer to the source. Is Grumman serious about pushing for that promotion for you?"

Roy looked over at Riza and sighed. "I haven't talked to him yet. However we need to concentrate on this bank issue right now. We can't be distracted by this turn of events."

"I'll talk to Kohler." Maes stood and stretched. "I think I still remember something about the gold versus silver standard debate thanks to Kimblee babbling about the symbolism in the  _Wizard of Oz_. Unless you want to enlighten me on some better points, Professor Mustang?"

Roy swirled his wine in his glass. "The gold and silver standard debate was initiated by the industrial revolution and Amestris's economy expanding. A government issues paper currency as a I.O.U. with the promise that there is a tangible piece of valuable metal in the reserves to back it. As the economy and industry expanded, along with the population thanks to advances in science, the government needed more money to allow people to spend it. The gold vs. silver debate erupted because gold was scarcer and silver was more plentiful thanks to the mines out East. Gold was a fixed price, silver worth fluctuated because of the supply. Rural communities can use silver as coinage because it is accessible to them, whereas a bank or gold mine may not be. However taking that silver to a bank in the city to turn it in for currency will return them less money than the silver is worth to them at home."

Hughes wondered why a General was in charge of the country's financials. Last he checked, they didn't hand out accounting or economic degrees at the military academy.

Roy sipped his wine and thoughtfully continued. "However the argument is pointless because we still use Cenz as currency, a promissory note issues by our government, stating that the piece of paper is worth what it says it is. Trusting that the gold is safely stored away and that we aren't over extending our supply of money and degrading the value of it. If we all ran to the bank to exchange our notes for actual gold...it would be interesting to see if we came up short."

"You mean the bank that is in danger of being destroyed in an upcoming terrorist attack?" Maes asked.

"Shit." Roy sighed and looked at his hands. "If we can't get ahead of this...we might have to rob the bank."

"I like how that's the two choices you come up with. Your multiple choice tests must be a blast." Maes snorted. "Amestris's gold reserves are being targetted by terrorists. Do you A- Stop the attack or B-Steal the money first."

"Or C...all of the above." Roy tapped his wedding ring on the wine glass. "When Zane drops off Ed, can you tell him I need him to stay in Central a little while? If he can't write it off as research I'll have him guest lecture on alchemy. I might need him."

"For what?" Maes asked. "Confusing your students with his stunning communication skills?"

"We might need to make some gold." Roy said without so much as a second thought. "I also may need someone who owns a railroad to transport it and and a series of warehouses to store it in. Thankfully Zane doesn't blackmail me like his sister and will let me borrow one of his trains and yards for a little while."

"You really just came up with a plan to rob the bank, didn't you?" Maes snorted. "Using one of your fanboys."

"At least how I'm going to save the gold reserves and avoid being executed for it if it comes down to it. The rest I'll work on later when we know more. " He shrugged. "I also don't want him out there if Archer is going to be in charge of West City. If he's moping about having to shock one person, he'll be destroyed when Archer starts issuing orders."

* * *

Rebecca had to keep wiping tears away from her eyes as she looked through Raven's official paperwork. The thought of Roy being dominated by Olivier was amusing, but seeing it in artwork somehow made it damn well priceless. Even now as she walked back to the party, she kept having to cover her mouth and hold back laughter. Sadly she needed to compose herself because Olivier would not be as amused by Raven's porn stash as she was. Who knew that guy was such a perv or  _that_ into the woman General.

It also seemed that General Raven liked to write Ice Queen adult fanfiction and as interesting as that was, she was pretty sure most of it was code. It was simple enough, his original characters had way too detailed histories and war records for smut. She did have to admit that some of the interrogation methods he was using, courtesy of General Armstrong, were very distracting. She almost missed a few locations thanks to her S&M techniques.

The one thing that didn't make sense was another one of Kimblee's fruit cake reports showed up in the pile of papers. Who the hell liked fruit cake? Better question was, why didn't they lock up the guy who suggested they substitute gelatinous explosives in place of fruitcake nuggets? As she walked into the ballroom she almost hit Roy and his friend with the door. He gave her an annoyed glance and she busted out laughing at him. She wasn't expecting _him_  to be the frigid bitch in the doujinshi! Oh damn, some of those artists were clever as hell.

Roy watched her wander over to Havoc and bury her head in his chest as she laughed some more. "Something is wrong with that woman."

* * *

Kimblee smacked his date to wake her up as she dozed off in the passenger seat of his car. He wasn't even sure how she could sleep as the damned broken window in the back made it sound like a freight train as he drove. He flashed her a smile. "We're here!"

"Where is here?" Haley looked out the window at a row of houses in a nice little neighborhood. Only one still had lights on. She rubbed her eyes. "This isn't headquarters."

"Here is here. Get out of the car. I need you to carry stuff." Solf slipped out of the car and stretched, then grabbed his fedora from the dash and placed it on his head.

She raised her eyebrow as he walked around the back of the car and opened the trunk. Why was this her social life? She got out of the car and he immediately placed a 20 lb bag of red and green nuggets in her arms from the trunk. "What the hell is this?"

"Fruitcake bits."

It was 2 am and she was in an evening gown carrying a value sized commercial grade bag of fruitcake bits to a cute little bungalow on Cherry Street. Yeah, it was a date with Kimblee. She raised her eyebrows as the front door opened and a lady in a pink cable knit sweater answered.

"Hi Mom!"

Haley froze. Mom? Kimblee had a Mom!?

"Oh you brought a date!" Mrs. Kimblee smiled and waved her in. "Oh Solf, you look so handsome!"

"Thanks Ma." Solf bent down to kiss her cheek and followed her inside.

Haley cautiously walked into Casa de Kimblee and almost tripped over an obese cat.

"Watch Mr. Mittens." Mrs. Kimblee said with a hostile snap.

She nodded as the lady closed the door behind her. She had been in many horrible places in her life however nothing was quite as terrifying as this room. Shelves, upon shelves of Victorian dolls with creep eyes looking down on her, turning her soul bleach white in fear.

"Haley, come." Kimblee tried to get her attention but she seemed entranced by the doll collection. Didn't surprise him at all she never saw a doll before, damned Whitman kids probably weren't allowed to have toys.

That should have been enough to snap her out of her trauma but instead she stood there and felt Mr. Mittens rub against her leg letting out a low,labored meow before he opted to lay back down. He rolled on his back and showed off his extra toes. Solf came over to her and grabbed the fruit cake bag and huffed impatiently, leaving her to stand there paralyzed by fear as hundreds of dolls stared at her. This had to be hell.

Kimblee cut open the bag aas soon as he set it on the kitchen table. He reached in for the precious cargo. "Here she is!"

"Oh Solf." Mrs. Kimblee clutched her hands and almost started to tear up. He revealed the prize doll, one that used to be in the possession of Janice Beechum. The delicate features of the porcelain face and the hair that was in dire need of teasing and fluffing. Her clothes were all wrinkled and she looked dusty. What a horrible woman Janice was, to not take care of the doll like the little princess she was.

"That bitch really went heavy on the Viagra. The damp basement air tasting like peat and seeing eyeballs in the shadows I can handle. The six hour erection was a little much." Solf smiled as his Mom's eyes twinkled with the glistening of happy tears.

"Oh thank you so much son." She choked back a sob as he set the rare doll in her hands. "You make Momma so proud!"

"The theft, six hour erection or...?"

"This." Mrs. Kimblee said in barely a hushed whisper. "Oh she'll be just as beautiful as I remember her being when I clean her up!"

"I'm working on that other doll collection." He pointed to the fruitcake bits and leaned over to whisper in her ear, "I think someone is buying my 'research' about Fruit Cake being evil. I'm on my way to bankrupting the Foster Fruit Cake Factory and getting you that collection you've always wanted. Financially, they're sinking just like that nasty bread they make."

"Oh my boy!" Mrs. Kimblee placed a kiss on his cheek. "My brilliant, precious son!"

Kimblee smiled and stood up to his full height, then looked over at his date who still didn't move. He sighed, "Best get my girl home before she starts rubbing on my leg like Pussy Galore."

Haley watched them hug and looked over as a fluffy cat ran over and meowed. What the hell was going on?

"No Pussy, I wasn't calling you." Kimblee scratched it's head and then pet the other grumpy looking cat on the recliner. "Hello to you too, Chairman Meow."

Haley finally moved as he pushed passed her and made sure she wasn't doing this to make his Mom uncomfortable. She smiled politely at the older woman and waved a goodbye, then turned to follow him to the door. She caught her breathe as she felt a pinch in her back.

"That's my son, if I find out you've toyed with him you'll suffer a long and horrible death."

Haley turned and looked at the knitting needle in her hand and the three angry cats at her feet...and a wall of satanic dolls starting at her through glass eyes. "It was nice meeting you too, Mrs. Kimblee."

Solf walked out the door to start the car and thought about how sweet vengeance would be when he shut down the Foster family with their own fruitcake. People should be more careful who they outbid on auctions at the last second. His Mom didn't deserve to lose out on the collection of a lifetime because some Fruitcake baker outbid at the last possible second and didn't play fair. Solf yawned and looked at his date as she got in the car. "What?"

"Who named the cats?"

"Mom." He wondered why that was relevant. "My kitty is named Shrodinger."

"Of course it is." Haley looked out the window as Mrs. Kimblee waved at them and then balled her fist and that damned knitting needle stuck up like she was giving her the middle finger.

* * *

Riza waited for Roy to bring the car around and heard a clank and a distinctive, "PST!" from around the corner. She knew the sound of her informant well and glanced around to make sure nobody would see her sneak into the alley. "What did you find?"

"That I wish I had an automail penis because it'd be hard, erect and leaking some oil out the tip right now..." said the voice from the shadows.

Riza cracked her fist into Barry's metal head. "Dammit, focus!"

Barry the Chopper waved his hands up in a mock surrender. "You're so beautiful I can't focus. Wow, that dress is...WOW!"

"Barry, tell me what you found before my husband comes back with the car!"

"Got him whipped do you?" Barry leaned forward and wished he could smell her. "I'd love to have you order me around too...tell me what you'd like me to do to that soft, tender flesh..."

"I do order you around since you work for me." She hissed and thumped him on the head again. Normally Barry being...well Barry was entertaining but she was worried about time. Roy would be coming back any second and she had to know what he found sneaking around Central Command while everyone was at the retirement party. "So what did you find?"

"That I'm madly in love with you Hawkeye." Barry sighed. "Just one little kiss to pay me for my information? Please? Maybe let me touch something..."

Riza pushed him back against the other wall and leaned in close so she could whisper, "How about a date in the foundry so I can have you melted down?"

"My heart is melting right now...you look so sexy in that dress! I want to cut it off you..." He sighed. "So do you want me to get the automail penis with vibrating option, ribbed texture or fire hydrant power ejaculation reservoir?"

"How about we have a little discussion about that burning sensation in your genitals?" Roy growled from the alley entrance as his eyes fixed on the hunk of armor his wife had pinned to the wall. She looked like a deer caught in the headlights and jumped back from the armored bastard, giving him a chance to snap his fingers and set Barry's clothes on fire right between his legs.

Barry screamed and rolled forward to hide behind Riza, narrowly avoiding getting scorched. He patted down his clothes to put out the fire. "Sweety, how many boyfriends do you have!?"

Riza's eyes grew wide. This was Roy in front of her, but it wasn't a Roy she was used to seeing. He stood at the alley entrance, lighted by a lamppost with his hand stretched out and his jaw set...his eyes were focused on Barry and they were so...blank. It was a stupid thing to say, his eyes were dark and it's not like they changed color...it was more that the emotion behind them was dark, cold...ready to kill. So this was Colonel Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist. The man she thought was left behind in Ishval. The man he was ashamed to let her see.

"Step aside Riza, I'll deal with this pervert." Roy took another step and waited for her to move. "I'll boil that fool inside his cosplay outfit like a lobster. "

"No you won't." She finally found her voice and watched his eyebrow twitch before his angry scowl yielded to curiosity. She couldn't let him kill Barry, the guy was her subordinate and a great informant even if he was a murderer and shameless flirt. She suddenly understood how Roy must have felt the other night, confessing to something so heartbreaking just to save a friend. "He's...my..."

"LOVER!" Barry said and looked around her to see the guy still scowling at him.

Riza took a deep breathe. Why couldn't she just have a porn habit instead of a serial killer bound to a suit of armor declaring he was her lover? She could see Roy's eyes refocusing, his confusion evident as he looked at her face then the armored idiot clinging to her waist. She didn't want to hurt him but there was no explaining her way out of this. Anyone else touching her like that would surely allow the cold, emotionless eyes to return as he raised his hand to eradicate the threat.

Roy blinked. "I'm sorry, what?"

Barry jumped up and wrapped his arms around her. "My sweet, beautiful Riza...is my LOVER!"

She elbowed Barry before he could grope her. "Roy, I just..."

"You're having an affair?" Roy let his hand fall to his side. "With...cosplay guy here?"

"Hi! I'm Barry!"

Roy stared at him. The skull, the armor, the caveman garb. "This is some kind of joke right? To get back at me for the porn?"

"You have this and you need porn?" Barry tried to touch her again and she smacked him. "No wonder she needs me."

"No..." Roy growled. "I don't and stay out of this!"

"Aw baby, you should let me upgrade to that automail penis so I can really delight you with more than just my sexy voice and magic fingers."

Roy's temper began to flare up again as he heard the words 'automail penis'. A lifetime without ever hearing that phrase and now it seemed to come up...ugh...wrong choice of words. "Shut your mouth before I liquify your tongue."

Of all the..beings in the universe that she had to pretend to be having an affair with she was going to be stuck with Barry the Chopper. Barry who wasn't going to shut up unless she shot his jaw off. "Not now Barry."

"Yes, order me around. You know how I like it, sweety." Barry purred. "And I know you like it rough …."

"Not now." She growled and he reached around and squeezed her boob.

"I told you I'd make love to your sweet body...I don't mind if your..eh..boyfriend..."

"Husband!" Roy snapped.

"Husband, watches us. I mean if he's into porn than he must like to self service...got performance issues maybe? Wow buddy, you have this is your bed and you're looking at porn!? Was it gay porn?"

Roy's eyes darkened again and he removed his other hand from his pocket ready to go all out on his guy. "Riza, get away from him.  _Now_."

She didn't like the darkness, but she was sure as hell not interested in being ordered around like a dog either. He wasn't upset, he was enraged and trying to protect his property. She wasn't exactly sure she wanted to step away from Barry. "No, it's not his fault I needed him to..."

"Delight her body with my magic fingers!" Barry exclaimed.

"Need him to..."  _God Barry, shut up!_

"Love you in all the right ways?" Barry asked. "Feel my cold armor up against your body and make your nipples hard enough to cut glass?"

"It started at work." Riza said and left it at that.

"Work." Was that why she came home and pinned him down to the laundry room table? Barry? Roy felt the color drain from his face and he let the anger go with it. Here was his gorgeous wife standing in a dark and disgusting alley that smelled of cat piss, vomit, rotten food and gasoline with a guy who dressed up for her in armor and animal parts. Holy shit. Where the hell did he go wrong? Was he really that boring in real life because he was trying to cover up his job? Holy Hell...he really was. That's why the intervention to get him promoted and out of his teaching position. "By the way, the battery in the car is dead so I called us a cab."

"Roy..."

"It will be here in ten minutes. I'll walk home." He said and turned to leave the alley and think things through. Five years of marriage and he managed to do nothing with his wife except convince her he was boring and unmotivated. So boring she was screwing around with cosplay guy at work? Was that what all the extra hours were about? And that busted lip? Or the reason she didn't smell like her own shampoo last week, more like that shampoo they used to use before he made the new stuff. Holy fucking shit! His wife finally got tired of waiting on him to be a real husband and found someone else.

"Roy wait!" She called out as he walked out of the ally, he paused but didn't turn to look at her, then continued on his way. "Barry what the hell have you done?"

"Darling, not sure you should be too upset at me." Barry leaned around her and made sure the hubby was gone. "You saw that look in his eye. He's got the eyes of a killer. You wouldn't have protected me if you didn't think he'd carry through with his threats."

She bit her lip. He was right. She knew one thing very well in her line of work and that was the look on a person's face when they were ready to kill. It wasn't something that had ever scared her before, at least not in many years, but tonight she was genuinely terrified that the man she loved was capable of that. No, more scared that she didn't see he was capable of that. She wasn't so naïve to think he never killed during the war, but this wasn't Ishval. This was a ally in Central with a stranger. Granted it was a stranger who he thought was trying to harm her, but that wasn't the point. The point was that she had no other alternative than to break his heart in order to stop him from murdering Barry. "Let's get you to Christmas's before that cab arrives and sees you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Thanks for reading. Reviews appreciated.


	9. One Long Weekend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Most of the time I'm inspired by screen-shots or the manga to write parts that I do. Other times I really have no one but myself to blame for the lunacy.

_Covert Affairs_

Chapter 9

**One Long Weekend**

* * *

Rebecca was on the ground clutching her stomach, tears rolling down her face. She gasped for air and finally managed to say something through the laughter. "BARRY!?"

Riza looked at all the empty cartons of cigarettes lying around and wished she smoked. She sighed and dryly said, "I'm a super spy and my secret lover is Barry the Chopper."

"This makes Roy's porn addiction..." Rebecca sat up. "It makes that look like scrap-booking!"

"Oh, "Riza added. "The best part is that it wasn't his porn. He doesn't have a porn problem."

"Whose was it?" Rebecca asked.

"Lt. Colonel Whitman's"

"He's screwing Whitman!?" Rebecca screamed and sat up to look at her best friend. "Oh My God! You better have him tested! That woman will hump anything with a pulse! I heard she even did Solf Kimblee and it brought the house down...literally! It's not like the Wizard of OZ is about midget porn, I can't imagine why they had to slip out during intermission..."

"No." Riza already had a headache without her best friend starting a whole new round of rumors. "It was her porn, he was translating it."

"Because people read hentai for the plot and dialogue?" Rebecca countered. "Has Roy ever looked at you and told you he wants to put his throbbing rooster in your kitten?"

Riza watched her chuckle at her own joke. She narrowed her eyes at her. "He is brilliant and fluent in Xingese, he would never be so bad at translating like that idiot Ling Yao that we have working for us."

"I just hope her cat hasn't seen his poultry." Rebecca shook her head. "The 'translating porn' line is weak, just sounds like he's not thinking with the right head. You might want to sleep on that one and think more on it in the morning. Maybe we can hook her up with Barry, they both like to chop people into little tiny bits! Match made in heaven there!"

"He is not cheating on me. I am the one allegedly cheating on him." Riza flopped down on the couch and kicked off her dress shoes. The couch reeked of smoke and she knew it wasn't going to help her headache. It was nice of Havoc to leave for a little while to "go to the store for more cigarettes" so she could have some girl time with her best friend. She just couldn't get her head around what just happened. Her mind refused to make sense of the look on his face when he wanted to barbecue Barry. "Becky, Roy was ready to kill him. I have never seen him like that, I've never seen him...want to destroy someone with his alchemy. I don't know what's worse, having my husband think I'm cheating on him or the fact that I didn't know that man in that alley tonight."

"I think the worst part will be that Barry is going to start his seduction campaign and you're going to be inundated with all kinds of cutesy shit at the office." Rebecca snorted. "Might liven things up a bit."

"At least Roy never comes to see me at work anymore." Riza sighed. Gone were the days when he would stop buy to take her to lunch. Now he just worked through his lunch and sometimes make it home for dinner. No wonder he believed she was seeing someone else. When did they stop trusting each other? No, this was different. This was Roy believing he wasn't good enough for her.

"You two need a vacation." Rebecca sat up and looked at her. "I swear, one more week of this insane shit and you two are going to get divorced. What the hell happened to your boring lives?"

"Did I forget to mention he also told me he wanted to have kids on Friday night?"

"Well maybe Barry did show up at the right time. Kids? Who the hell needs that headache!?" Rebecca frowned. "You should tell him that Barry gave you that bloody lip."

"Not after I saw that look in his eyes." She said softy. She knew that look too well. The look of someone who would kill first and ask questions later.

"Riza, I'm sorry." Rebecca sat down on the coffee table and composed herself. This was her best friend here and she was afraid she just lost the love of her life. "What can I do to help?"

"I'm just going to go home. I need to see him, I need to tell him the truth."

"What truth is that?"

"That I was scared." Riza said quietly. "Scared he was going to kill a man over something so stupid as a misunderstanding."

"I thought you were a great spy, how could you not come up with a better excuse than Barry being your lover?" Rebecca asked.

"Barry came up with that." Riza sat up. "He caught me off guard. I just wasn't prepared to have to be a spy with my husband. I just let Barry keep rambling and Roy's eyes kept getting this far off look...and I just froze. I never thought I'd have to see that from him,  _not him_. In my job, it's what I expect. I don't expect that from my husband."

"Stay here for a while, I'll get us something to drink."

"No, I have to go home." She sighed. "I have to fix this before he drinks himself to death over it."

"I hope Barry found something earth shattering." Rebecca frowned. "Better than the secret fanfiction manuscripts of General Raven."

"He ran off before I could escort him to Christmas's." She shook her head. "He's terrified of her."

"How does a hunk of armor run off?" Rebecca asked.

"He's surprisingly agile and fast." Riza put her shoes back on. "Honestly right now I don't care about him. I can't lose Roy, not over something stupid like this. This damned job can wait until Monday, especially after we've had nothing but setbacks this weekend. What the hell am I doing this for if the person I want to protect most in this word is the one I hurt the most?"

* * *

Havoc blew smoke towards the ceiling as Roy paced back and forth in the warehouse office where they had their command center. This was not how he expected his night to go. "So cosplay, huh?"

"Bad cosplay. I have no idea who the hell that guy is supposed to be!" Roy snapped.

"As long as it wasn't a clown..." Havoc shivered and cleared his throat. "Chief, I'll see what I can get Rebecca to tell me when I get home."

"I wanted to kill him." Roy sat down on a bench against the wall and rubbed his eyes. "I lost it, I was ready to melt the metal and guy inside for just talking to her. I haven't..."

"You need a vacation. We can handle things here for a week." Havoc said.

"No you can't." Roy hissed. "Kimblee will go blow something up 'accidentally'. Whitman will 'accidentally' start a war and Fullmetal already performed human transmutation when he was unsupervised, I'd hate to see what else he comes up with."

"Hughes can handle it." Havoc said quietly. "Just go home and talk to her."

"And say what?" He asked. "I'm sorry I wanted to liquefy your boyfriend?"

"You're about to snap, Chief."

"Snap and kill my wife's lover?" Roy responded.

"Mentally jackass." Havoc growled. ""I'm sorry, but you've been a little overworked recently. "

"We have some serious issues to deal with." Roy rubbed his eyes. Why did this all have to be happening now? "We have so much going on right now, I can't even afford to go home."

"The world isn't ending tonight." Havoc said and picked up the man's tuxedo jacket and threw it at him. "Not unless you don't go talk with your wife. I saw the look on her face when she showed up at Rebecca's door, that wasn't the look of a woman who was caught cheating on her husband. It was the look of a woman who was devastated and scared of losing her husband. I've never seen Riza that transparent before. Go home, take care of your life first and let the world worry about it's own problems for a day."

"I'm really glad you're so good with reading women."

Havoc smiled. That was a nice compliment, especially from Mustang. "Thanks."

"You're heading out to West City to seduce one next weekend."

"What the hell, Roy!? Trying to ruin my relationship so you have a drinking buddy!?"

"It's just a mission." Roy said quietly. "One of the many little problems that we're going to have to push out of the way so we can regroup and refocus on what matters. Just wanted to give you a heads up, so you can start planning."

"Great. Thanks." Havoc grumbled. Times like these he was so glad they were friends.

* * *

Riza walked up the path to their two story home and just knew Roy hadn't made his way back yet. If he was here the light would be on in his study and he'd be drowning his sorrows away. She hung her head and felt around in her purse for her house keys, worried about where he could have gone. Then there was a rustling in the bushes next to the oak tree and she felt for her derringer instead.

"PST!"

"Barry, I want to kill you." Riza spat as she watched the idiot jump out of the bushes and stand in front of her. "What the hell was that? You didn't even have information, did you!?"

"I did! I just couldn't stay focused on reporting when you were standing there looking like that." Barry sighed. "You never show that much skin around me!"

She pushed him back against the tree. "Do you have any idea what you have done? I let my husband think I'm having an affair! My real husband, he's not some cover! This isn't a mission!"

"What kind of a guy would leave you in a dark dank alley with a serial killer?" Barry shrugged.

"The kind who was getting the car after our night out! It's not his fault I have a double life that requires me to meet with my thoughtless informant in a nasty alley next to Central Command!"

"I love when you raise your voice..." He looped his arms around her. "Oh, why won't you just give in and play with me! Would could interrogate people together. Chop them up..."

"NO!" She snapped. "You're not interrogating anyone! You're supposed to be listening and gathering information!"

Neither of them heard the sound of another metal suit of armor walking up to the Mustang home as Riza smacked her fist against his hollow armor and Barry professed his love in iambic pentameter.

"Mrs Mustang, is everything Ok?"

Riza heard the innocent voice of Alphonse Elric and froze.

Barry looked over at the kid and gasped. "You're cheating on me with another man of steel!?"

"What?" Al asked suddenly aware that the situation wasn't what it seemed. He was worried about his brother who hadn't come home yet. Mr. and Mrs. Hughes had returned and still there was no Edward. No phone call either. Considering how much trouble his brother got into, he was considerably worried. Mr. Hughes said that Colonel Mustang had set up the trip so he could call him in the morning and find out where the two alchemists had gone. Al figured he'd just take a walk and see if he could catch them coming home, he wasn't expecting to find this. "Is this guy bothering you?"

Riza's eyes grew wide. How much worse could this day get!?

Barry looped his arms around Riza, covered her mouth with his hand and screamed. "She's mine!"

Al saw the look on her face and knew the woman was in trouble. "I won't let you hurt her!"

Barry wasn't expecting the kid to clap his hands together, create a weapon out of the sidewalk and send a javelin at his head. His head dislodged and fell into the bushes. He let go of Riza and began stumbling around to retrieve it. "AH! I can't see!"

Al watched him bend over and feel around and caught a glimpse of an empty body and a transmutation circle. "A blood seal?"

"Shit." Riza hissed under her breathe and kicked Barry in the ass while he was blinded. What kind of explanation could she come up with for this? The fact of the matter was she was just sick of lying and this poor kid had already been through enough hell. "It's complicated."

"Is he a murderer too?" Barry found his head and set it back on his body. "That seems to be your type sweetheart."

Riza kicked his head off and he squealed again. At this rate they were going to wake up the entire neighborhood. "Alphonse, I can explain. Just not here, Ok?"

"Ok." Al watched her smooth out her dress and come over to take his hand and start leading him down the road.

"So have you read any spy novels?" Riza asked, unsure how to start this conversation with a kid his age. She wasn't even sure what his age was.

"What about horror novels?" Barry caught up with them. "Ever heard of me? Barry the Chopper?"

"No." Al replied.

"Barry, shut up. That's an order." Riza took a deep breathe and wished she had the foresight to go in and change before starting to walk to the corner to call a cab.

"I was babysitting and when the Hughes came home I wanted to give them some time together. So Elicia was sleeping and I asked for your address so I could find out where this Lightning Alchemist took Ed. The Colonel was supposed to know." Al eyed the other armored body and finally wondered why so much armor was available in Amestris. It was the industrial revolution for god's sake, not the middle ages!

"I don't know where your brother is." Riza said and wanted to add,  _I don't know where my husband is either._ "But right now we need to sit down and talk about what you saw tonight. It's government business."

"Oh." Al replied and looked at Barry. "Well I'm no leaving you with him so lead the way."

"Excuse me?" Barry snorted in disbelief. "I can't believe he's saying that about me!? I'm not the one who set my crotch on fire tonight!"

"Shut up Barry." Riza hissed. "Or that head of yours is going into the sewer."

* * *

"Where's Elizabeth?" Madam Christmas leaned over the table and looked at her foster son, already half way inebriated and still wearing his tux from the party tonight. Vanessa said that he and Riza seemed to be having a good time, so why was he sitting here drinking alone?

"Stolen by another man." Roy poured himself another drink and just stared at it in his hand. His wedding ring caught his eye and he put the drink down to focus on the gold band. He didn't want to go home, he knew he was just being a coward but he just didn't want to know if she was leaving him just yet. He wanted to dull the pain a bit, maybe a lot, and then head home. Then he'd ask her.

Chris groaned. So Riza got caught at the party and now Roy was paying for it.? Damn this job. "Are you sure about that Roy Boy?"

"Some cosplay guy." He muttered. "Named Barry."

"Cosplay guy?" She inhaled a little too much smoke as he showed her the drawing he made on the napkin. Oh she was going to scratch out his blood deal with her fingernails when she got a hold of him! "Roy, man up. Talk with her instead of this bottle."

"She deserves better. If that guy makes her happy with his weird hobbies and perverted mind...I want her to be happy." Roy covered his eyes with his hand and sighed. "I can't make her happy, I just keep letting her down."

Chris watched him sink down onto the table and put his head into his arms. Dammit, she was not going through this again with him. Why the hell were Mustang men so high maintenance? He was definitely his father's son alright, so easily rendered useless by the woman he loved. She left him to wallow in his self-pity a little while longer and walked through the bar to check on her girls before heading to the back room.

Jessica sauntered over and put her tray down on the bar. "Madam, is something wrong with Roy?"

"He'll be fine." Chris didn't know what she was happier about. The rumors that would spread Roy was drinking himself into a stupor alone, or the fact that Roy's beloved wife just recruited a damned kid as a spy. These two needed a vacation before she killed them both.

"I just had one of the customer's asking. A Colonel Archer?"

Chris scowled. She knew that man was nothing more than a direct line to the Fuhrer's ear. "Roy's just got age issues. Retirement party and his turning 30 this year. He takes that shit hard."

"Without his wife?" Jessica asked. She wasn't sure how to spin this to make Archer accept it.

"She had to drive a drunk friend home." Chris reached for another cigarette. If it wasn't for that damned retirement party she wouldn't have the bar open so late. However she wasn't going to miss out on the business or the party-goers who were clearly not ready to quit for the night. She just hoped Jessica wasn't going to get too detailed with her diary entry on Archer. It wouldn't surprise her if that man turned out to be a robot.

Jessica picked up the drink he ordered and smiled as she went back to entertain the man. She was curious to find out if he was asking about Roy because he was interested in him for himself or if he was spying on him. So hard to tell.

Chris gave herself a moment to enjoy her cigarette before she went into the backroom and dealt with the current mess back there. She sighed and looked over her shoulder at her son who was still laying on the table and shook her head. When Riza, Barry and Al showed up they had neglected to mention Roy's part in tonights advaneture of theirs. She left the bar, walked down the hall in to the office and opened the closet door. Then with one hand she pushed aside all her coats and ducked under the hanger bar in anticipation of opening the door behind it all. As soon as she walked in the hidden room she immediately looked at the dog in Al's arms. She seriously could not believe Riza just recruited a boy. Alchemist or not, the soul in that tin can was just a damned kid. "What's with the mutt?"

"He was digging in your trash. Poor little guy." Al saw her unwavering expression and determined she was not keen on animals in her establishment. He looked down at the adorable Shiba Inu pup and wondered how someone could not want to take the guy home.

"Fake room or not, this is a high class joint and dogs tend to howl at the noises people make in this building. Get him out of here." Christ couldn't believe  _this_  was now their crack team of spies. No wonder they were losing. She tried to give Riza a disapproving look, but the woman was not looking at her on purpose. She apparently wasn't planning on mentioning that she broke her son's heart tonight. Smart girl. "Al go home. Barry go to hell. Riza get out there and save your husband before he drowns in that whiskey out there."

"Hey what did I do?" Barry asked

"What haven't you done? When I find out what happened tonight you are going back to the lab where we found you!" Chris growled and pointed a finger at him, the bastard actually slid behind Al for cover.

"Roy's here?" Riza stood and suddenly his hurt expression from earlier flashed in her mind.

"Yeah. When he's lost and miserable he comes home to his Mom. So get out there and fix this. Whatever lie you need to tell him, do it. You got caught, this is your mess and he's suffering for it. And get that dog out of here!"

"You're...The Colonel's Mom?" Al asked and the little black and white dog squirmed in his arms as Riza passed. He held him out for her and her face softened as she picked up the puppy. "So the Colonel doesn't know is wife and Mom are secret agents?"

"I know right?" Barry snorted. "So not good enough for her."

Riza sighed as the puppy nuzzled against her neck. Well Roy did love dogs and he  _did_ say he wanted a kid. "Barry, enough is enough. Go home before I put a bullet through that seal of yours."

* * *

Roy winced as a tongue touched his ear. He still has his head on the table and he wasn't ready to feel the punishing effects of all the alcohol he just drank by sitting up. "Damned fangirl git!"

Riza cocked an eyebrow. Exactly where was he encountering these ear licking fangirls?

The licking didn't stop and a whine accompanied it. "Listen I said no." He held up his hand to show his wedding ring without lifting his head.. "Married man...well for the moment."

Riza felt that one stab her right through the heart. Did he really think she'd leave him?

Then his fingers were licked and he picked his head up. A little fluffy face looked at him and then the puppy tried to lick his eye. He looked at the glistening black eyes and then to the woman behind him. "Riza?"

"Can we...talk?"

"I think subjecting a dog to our failing marriage is cruel. " Roy frowned as the pup sat down on the table and wagged his tail.

"There is nothing going on with me and Barry, you just scared me. I...know you are the Flame Alchemist but I never saw you...Roy you had this look like you were going to kill him."

"I'm a murderer. It's what I am." He pet the puppy and frowned. It would have been so nice to have a dog.

"You're a soldier and you served your country. In that alley you were a jealous husband and you were going to be a murderer if I didn't get you away from him. Barry is just a guy from work, he's inappropriate and obnoxious but he doesn't deserve to die. I love you Roy." Riza sat down and watched him sit up straight. His face betraying a glimmer of hope that things weren't as bad as he thought. "There is nothing going on between me and him. Just trying to help a friend like you were."

"So...you're not going to leave me?"

"No. Never."

"What's happening to us Riza?" He pulled the shot glass away as the pup tried to start drinking from it. "Everything has been going wrong recently. I feel like we're drifting apart. That we're living separate lives and we just come together to check in and make sure the other one is still there."

She looked at the table. He was more right about that then he knew. She hated lying to him, especially now that she had to hurt him like she did tonight. "We're working so much Roy. It's hard to leave that at the door sometimes."

"I'll talk to your grandfather about that promotion." He said quietly as the puppy walked over and he picked him up.

"You didn't talk to him tonight?"

"He was busy." Roy said. Ugh. What a night.

She watched him rub his eyes, clearly worn out. "Can we go home?"

"Can he come with us?" Roy looked down at the excited little dog who actually seemed to be smiling.

"Of course he can." She reached over for his hand and he latched onto hers like he was afraid she'd take it away. "Promise me there will be no work or errands tomorrow. Just you and me."

He gave her a grin. "And the puppy."

"Him too."

"Can we take tons of pictures so I can shove them in Maes's face and scream about how adorable he is?" Roy watched her smile. He was glad they they could still find their way back to each other.

"Sure."

He felt her squeeze his hand as he looked down at the half empty bottle of whiskey. He had been here too many times before, leaning on the bottle and pushing everyone who cared for him away. Tonight the woman he loved saw a side of him that scared her and he knew the time had finally come where he had to confide in her. There was no turning back, she saw the monster he was and there was no reason to hide it anymore. "I...think there are some things we should talk about."

Riza stiffened. Was he not accepting her explanation about Barry? He had to, it was the truth. She couldn't come up with any other reason.

"The war." He said softly. "And how I used your father's alchemy and the secrets you entrusted me with...or rather how I abused them."

"Roy..."

"No, you deserve to know. You need to know how I've failed you."

She was speechless. How did he make this his fault? "Let's go home, this isn't something we're going to talk about here."

He nodded and she helped him stand up . Then with a comforting arm wrapped around his waist she guided him to the door. "We didn't call a cab."

"I'm sure your Mom did. She's very good at her job." Riza looked down as the puppy placed his paw on her sleeve and stared at her. What a night. "I think we should name him Black Hayate."

"Oh my God, you are so not naming our kids." He snorted but the pup let out a bark as he accepted his new name.

Al and Barry leaned around the corner as they watched the Mustangs get in the cab. Al sighed. "Oh, I'm so happy that little guy gets a good home."

"Kid, that guy tried to roast my nuts." Barry informed him. "What do you think he's going to do when the puppy eats his slippers?"

"You don't have a body." Al reminded him. "And from what I can tell from knowing you for one hour, you deserved it."

Barry shrugged. "So what do you want to do now? Have you ever killed someone?"

"NO!"

"Want to?"

"NO!" Al stood up. "I'm going home. I was supposed to find my brother but now I'll just have to wait for him to come home."

"Ok, see you on Monday at the bank. Welcome to the team. Blah Blah." Barry sat down in the alley. "See ya later kid."


	10. The Yellow Brick Road

_Covert Affairs_

Chapter 10

**The Yellow Brick Road**

* * *

Central Station was the transportation hub of Amestris. The huge railroad facility in the middle of Central City was built in the 1870's by the government to entice the privately owned Central Rail Road to expand it's operations outside the city and also provide rail lines for the military. Today the massive facility was not only home to Central Rail Road but Amestris Railways which was a blossoming commercial railroad with a few passenger routes. The Whitman family remained the major shareholders of Central Rail, whereas Amestris Railwas privately owned by two young entrepreneurs.

Zane Whitman flipped through some paperwork as he approached his sister sitting on the bench. "Oh good, I was hoping you'd be here early. Did you see this proposal to retire 'The General'?"

Haley looked up and checked the clock on the wall. It was 8 am and her brother was already diving into railroad business like a kid in a candy store. Boys and their trains. 'The General' was an old steam locomotive from the 1860's that still remained in service for a commuter line through Central. Once upon a time it was the pride of Amestris Railway, in the days when it was an actual threat to Central Railroad's business. These days, however, it was a relic even if the smoke stack and classic look still brought tears to the eyes of citizens who remembered the old beast in her glory days. Today though it seemed that the co-owners of Amestris Rail were going to casually discuss turning her into scrap. "I like that old girl too much."

"Haley, it's just a piece of metal. A machine costing us a lot of money to keep running. A more efficient engine will..."

"Let her be." Haley said quietly. "What the hell is the point of owning a damned railroad if we can't have what we want?"

"I thought we wanted to put our parents out of business and Mustang in power?" Zane looked around. "They won't even let us run The General through Central Station anymore because of emissions control within this covered station. We have to use the old Station on East Main Street."

"I seriously doubt one old locomotive is going to get in the way of us competing with Central Railroad ." She leaned her arm on the top of the bench. "Leave her alone and just go buy whatever you're trying to buy."

Zane frowned and put the paperwork away. "I'm going to stay in Central a little while. Help the Elrics with research and Mustang with a few things."

"Good." She nodded and looked at Frank Archer who was now waiting to board his train. He had marched up to her ten minutes earlier and bragged to her of his promotion. "I've just been informed that I've been replaced by Frank Archer. Now he reports directly to the Fuhrer from West City. I'd rather you not be in town and available if he's in charge."

"You're still working for Counter-terrorism?" Zane asked as he looked over at the less than personable man.

"Just under him."

"Don't get yourself fired." Zane frowned.

"I can handle him." She tapped her fingers on the bench. "Make sure you tell Roy that. Last thing he needs is to be worrying about what Archer is doing."

Zane sat down next to his sister, "You look exhausted."

"Kimblee took me to meet his Mom." She explained. "Along with his furry siblings, Mr. Mittens, Chairman Meow and Pussy Galore."

"Were they chimera?"

"Nope, just cats." She sighed and was looking forward to sleeping on the train ride back to West City. It would surely irritate Colonel Archer who was anxiously awaiting the announcement that he could board. "Do you remember the Puppetmaster?"

"The serial killer?" He asked. "Killed people, used a blood seal to bond them to marionettes. Used their hair and clothes to make the dolls more realistic. Never caught but had great reviews in the leisure section for his puppet plays. "

"Kimblee's Mom has a huge doll collection and I swear every single one of them was staring at me."

"If they were souls bonded to dolls, they would move." He wondered what kind of childhood his future nieces and nephews would have if their father was terrified of dogs and their mother feared dolls. "That was also fifteen years ago and the blood seals would have faded by now, I doubt they were looking at you. However maybe putting a soul into a smaller vessel would prolong the life, concentrating the energy and conserving it since it wouldn't take as much power to move a doll as a human body."

"They were all on those plastic doll stands. Little arms, legs, necks locked in place." Haley sighed. "I close my eyes and I see all their little glass eyeballs staring at me and think about how Mrs. Kimblee was a little too aware of how to use a knitting needle to paralyze someone."

"Woman serial killers are very rare. Is she even an alchemist?" Zane replied and then a thought struck him. "Blood seals. Cats."

"Please don't do something weird in the name of alchemy." Haley groaned.

"No...it's just." Zane looked her in the eye. "Was there a Mr. Kimblee?"

"Not that I saw." She shrugged.

"Hisalde's wife left him because of cat allergies. They had a son." Zane said and Haley rolled her eyes.

"That's not going to make Kimblee any less weird." She shook her head. "It's also quite a leap. What I believe you and Roy would call a hunch and look down your noses at me for suggesting."

"No, I can see facial similarity. Alchemy has been proven to be a genetic trait. If you think those dolls can be vessels than Hisalde's blood seal work would have been optimal for attaching souls to them." Zane thought about that as he heard the conductor call out about the Westbound train. "That's creepy as hell. No wonder you couldn't sleep. I'll ask Falman to pull some research on it."

"Well, that's my call to board." Haley stood up and grabbed her bag, then put a light kiss on her brother's forehead. "Stay out of trouble please?"

"You too." Zane stood up and gave her a hug.

Colonel Frank Archer walked over to his new subordinates hugging and looked down his nose at them. "I have the great pleasure of informing you ,Major Whitman , that I will be the new head of the Western Branch of the Counter Terrorism Agency come Monday. Lt. Colonel Whitman  _will_  relinquish command gracefully and inform me of everything I needed to know on the train ride, prior to me taking command officially at 8 am Monday. I expect the same from you. "

"I..." Zane backed up a step. "Didn't think we were supposed to talk about that in public."

Haley cheerily said, "Go fuck yourself Frank. I don't have an obligation to do shit until I receive official notice. Until then we answer to Colonel Mustang and him alone. You should know protocol better than that Archer, shouldn't you?"

Zane watched the man's eyes narrow and he was glad at moments like this his sister had more balls than him.

"You're speaking to a superior officer Whitman."

"You're not my supervisor." She snapped back.

"Yet."

"Exactly. Fuck off."

Archer clenched his fist. "You can expect to be written up for that..."

"Come Monday? You're going to write me up for something that happened before you were my boss? If that's how we're doing things you can expect me to request disciplinary action for that time in Ishval when you didn't salute me." Haley snapped back.

"I know your game Whitman. I will not fall prey to your ability to misinterpret orders and manipulate rules." Archer growled at her. "I'm still a full Colonel."

She smiled as he played the rank card and cooly replied, "Then where is my phone call from my superior officer telling me of this move?"

"Mustang won't be told until Monday." Archer said.

"Then how am I being manipulative? I've read the war manual and military regulations countless times. They were written by my Grandfather, it's practically the bible in our house." She smiled at him. "I also have to wonder if you're celebrating that extra star on your shoulder a little early. If your move won't be announced until Monday, than it leads me to believe that the paperwork will not be processed until Monday either. It's called  _gossip_  Central for a reason. If your promotion and relocation was official last week than I would have heard about it Saturday at the party. Instead you, sir, are the one running around boasting and sharing privileged information before it should be out. As of right now, here in Central Station on this beautiful Sunday morning, I still outrank you on seniority alone. So, Lt. Colonel Archer, do you want to forget about this train ride and go check in with Central Command? Maybe fill out a little paperwork explaining why you're wearing three stars and impersonating a full Colonel?"

Zane tried to hide his smile with his hand.

Archer's face finally had color in it as his blood boiled. A slight tinge of pink found it's way onto his cheek.

"Exactly,  _Lieutenant_  Colonel Archer." Haley gave him a pleasant smile. "So fuck off."

Zane piped up, looking to redirect the conversation before it somehow ended up in a duel. "I'm not going back to West City, I have Alchemy research to do."

"Then we're going to have to see about adding another alchemist to our unit if Mustang is going to horde them all." Archer growled and tried to brush off her statement.

Haley lifted her eyes as she saw the Armstrong family saying goodbye to the beloved Ice Queen as she returned to her domain of frozen hell. "There you go. Alex Armstrong. Go recruit him."

Zane watched Archer cock an eyebrow and think about that. The Lt. Colonel then wandered over to interrupt the conversation the Major was having with his sister. That might have been a good thing, Olivier looked like she was insulting her brother again. "Great way to demonstrate how to not lose your job come Monday, Haley."

"We shall see who strangles who with the bureaucratic red tape he has stuck to his shoe like toilet paper. I don't know if he's been assigned to stop me from striking at Creta or if he's going to try and undermine Mustang from the West. Whatever his purpose, he's going to fail." She said quietly and looked over as General Raven walked up and got a little too touchy with Olivier. "Why don't you have the porter hook up our private train car to the Northbound train for General Armstrong so she doesn't have to share a car with Raven."

"Why is he going to Briggs?" Zane asked. Nobody went to Briggs voluntarily, but Raven looked like he was thrilled to be going.

"Looks like I'm not the only one being put back on my leash." Haley grimaced and wondered what the hell was going on now. Why was their country shrinking back into the shadows and letting their enemies gain a foothold?

* * *

Olivier clenched her fists as Raven brushed close to her and his hand grazed her ass as he went to sit on the bench and wait to board. She saw the look on her brother's face and knew he didn't miss the action either. "What?"

"That's inappropriate." Alex replied knowing it was pointless to reiterate the fact that she already knew. He was no stranger to the problems his sister faced as a female officer, he just wished he wasn't forced to be an idle observer to it and could call the man out on it.

"It's my life." She said and contemplated her next words. There was no avoiding it, she needed her own contact here in Central. "I may have a way for you to make up for your failure in Ishval."

Alex raised his eyebrows. He wasn't surprised by the way she delivered the statement but that she was suggesting that maybe she could begin to forgive him. "Yes Olivier?"

She walked away from the train, moving towards a disgusting trash can that nobody would want to go near. He sister Catherine and her parents had found some old friends to talk with and she was free to talk business for a little while. "I need a man in Central to work for me."

Alex frowned. "As much as I would like to help, I can not violate the trust my superiors have placed in me..."

"Let me finish." She snapped and he bolted upright and nodded. "Raven is being sent to Briggs to keep me in line. I have pushed to escalate things with Drachma and Bradley responded by sending that man to shut me down. Alex, Drachma is trying to undermine this country with espionage and they are more successful than they should be thanks to a leak in Central Command. I need someone to assist me in finding this mole as I am in no position to pursue this on my own. Will you, or will you not, help me save our country from these treasonous cowards in the shadows?"

"Of course Olivier." His chest puffed up, proud to be considered good enough for his sister's team.

"Good. I really don't have anyone else I can ask."

He deflated a bit but was still happy she asked him. "What can I do Olivier?"

"First thing is shut up since that sniveling shit Archer is coming this way." She said and glared at the man.

Archer heard the second call for boarding his train and thought better of asking Armstrong about transferring. He turned away from the icy glare he was getting and threw away a tissue in his pocket, pretending he was just trying to be considerate of the environment and not scared of the woman General. He then noticed that some M. P.s were now circling his luggage near the bench he was occupying earlier. He glanced at Whitman who gave him a mock salute as she talked to the Sargent and pointed at the suitcase, clearly informing him that the suspicious bag was abandoned and they should treat it as dangerous. He ground his teeth. If that little bitch had her boyfriend Kimblee blow up his suitcase claiming it as 'suspected incendiary device' he was going to shoot her himself.

Olivier cocked an eyebrow as the M. P.s confiscated a suitcase and Archer stormed off after them. She looked over as a porter approached. "What is it?"

"Your private car will be ready in ten minutes, General Armstrong." The railroad employee replied.

"I didn't ask for a private car." Olivier cocked a suspicious eyebrow.

"Compliments of the Whitman family." The man gave her a bow.

She looked over as Haley Whitman gave her a smart salute and a nod before boarding her own train. She glanced over at Archer who was now screaming about missing his train and demanding the M. P.s hand over his bag immediately. The train whistle blew on the Westbound and the man got louder. So she wasn't the only one being reined in. "Alex, get on the train. You can get off at the next stop. We have a lot to talk about."

* * *

"So your brother just leaves you sitting in his room like a doorstop while he goes out and lives his life? That shitty." Barry placed the word 'murder' on the Scrabble board and said "Yay! Triple letter score on M."

"It's not like that. Sure he's got a lot of new friends and spends all his time out...but it's because he's trying to get our bodies back! He's doing research!" Al played 'Mom' off the M and jotted down the score. So this was his first day at his new job? Spy work was relatively boring. They were just expected to sit around and wait until someone tasked them to a location to spy on people. In the meantime, they were playing board games in the offices at the bank.

Barry shrugged. "Whatever you say. It sounds like he's moving on and living a life that a normal teenage alchemist prodigy is allowed to have. The famous people, the late nights...sounds like he's just living his life  _without you_." He played 'Damned' and waited.

"He's allowed to have friends." Al dropped an 'r' and played urn and or.

"You babysit and now play Scrabble with me." Barry then added, 'dead'. "Maybe he's just moving on. I mean who could blame him. He has a body and a fancy title..."

"Brother wouldn't do that!" Al protested and hear his voice sound more childlike than it should. He played 'dream' to focus back on the board game they were playing and not the mind games Barry was trying to play.

"Sure. It's not like he's waiting for you to fade away. A soul without a body...if that was allowed then there would be souls everywhere right? Attached to everything, walking around and cheating death. How do you even know that you're real?" Barry played 'hack'.

"What?" Al looked up at him as he sorted his tiles on the holder and hummed a little song.

"I mean if he can attach a soul to a tin can, why not just make up memories? He's the Fullmetal Alchemist, if anyone can do it...he can. It would probably be easier than snatching a soul from the afterlife! Just make a new brother and have a friend on your journey to get back your two human limbs. He's already finding ways to replace you, just like an old toy he's discarding as he grew out of it." Barry moved around his tiles and shook his hand in the process, dropping a few pieces he had up his sleeve. Seeing what he actually wanted to play instead of what he was dealt, he slipped the extra tiles back up into his hollow arm and looked up at the kid. He could tell Al was lost, he was just staring at the board trying to comprehend what was being said without getting upset. He really didn't like the way Riza fawned over the kid and he didn't like to share. Especially share Riza. "Sorry I shouldn't have said anything. I'm a serial killer, I have issues not acting on impulse and filtering my thoughts is a very difficult concept to grasp."

Al looked at the board and played 'dog'

Barry giggled and played 'kill'.

"Are you cheating?"

"Nope. I wouldn't lie either." Barry sat up proudly and was amused that the kid didn't have a comeback. Well that was easier than he thought.

* * *

Roy stood in front of the map of Amestris at the warehouse and looked at his team. He had to call a meeting in order to inform everyone of what was going on. The only team members missing were Solf, Ed and Haley. They were still on a need to know basis, he had to have his core team working on current affairs before deciding what to share with them. "We've had some developments this weekend."

Havoc glanced at the man's ring finger to make sure he was still wearing it. He seemed to be in a good mood this morning. Well rested, not crying in a bottle of bourbon and actually on time to the meeting. Thank God!

Roy leaned against his desk and crossed his arms. "Our number one priority right now is the First Amestris Bank. Intel from the West tells us there are murmurs about an attack, however at this moment we know very little other than the location. The most important thing is to find out when this is going down, the rest we can handle as the situation arises. Everyone is to focus on this, our country's gold reserves are kept in that bank. The financial stability of Amestris is at stake here. If that gold goes missing this country will face economic disaster."

Maes doodled on his notepad. Everyone knew exactly what Roy wasn't saying.  _His_  most precious asset, Mrs. Mustang, was also within those walls and his stability and future was directly tied to her. He glanced at Havoc who was fidgeting and pretending to write down some notes, but he knew he was also thinking about his girlfriend who was now suddenly at risk.

"How do you destroy Gold?" Fuery asked.

Zane scribbled out some equations in his notes. "Nothing naturally can destroy Gold. It's an element. Matter can not be created or destroyed, just changed. Aqua Regia, an acid bath of hydrochloric and nitric acid, it would change it into a solution that most people would not consider taking a second look at. Then it can be precipitated back into gold later. It's more of a refining process. Completely unrealistic for moving gold of any volume."

Roy sighed. He forgot how much fun it was having the other alchemist back in the mix. "The danger would be in the the fear that the Gold was destroyed, causing a run on the banks and panic amongst the populace."

Hughes cleaned his glasses. "Perfect time for someone to step in and restart the Silver Standard debate."

Falman made a 'hmmmm' sound before finally composing his thoughts and sharing them. "There is a man in Reole who is trying to revive the Populist movement and push for the Silver standard. He's managed to raise a small army, a rather gifted orator who claims to have powers of the Sun God bestowed upon him to work miracles. His name is Father Cornello."

Roy grimaced. He was looking to Creta for this, even Bradley...not some crazy religious nut. "Get me a report on him. I'll send someone to check him out."

"I volunteer Kimblee." Zane said. "He likes debating with people and Haley thinks his Mom is a serial killer."

Breda closed his eyes. Oh God, she told him too! One way to make sure Mustang went ballistic was to start some off the books investigation on a cold case while his wife was in danger.

"What?" Roy just waved it off. "Irrelevant. Just research that on your own and let me know if it matters."

"If she is there would be over a hundred souls trapped in Victorian dolls in her living room. " Zane shuffled through his notes. "Also a rather good reason why my old teacher is researching reversing Blood Seals."

"Zane, let's worry about saving the country first. Ok?" Breda grabbed the guys notebook and watched him pout. "This isn't a staff meeting, it's an emergency meeting about the impending terrorist attack on the bank."

Falman stood up. "I do have something else that might matter. I have found mention of a Ulysses who might have been wandering around the West two to three years ago teaching Creta how to fight against us. Someone who understood our military structure, tactics and bomb construction."

"Kimblee?" Fuery asked.

"Can we stop suspecting him of everything?" Hughes sighed and took off his glasses. "I waste so much time chasing theories about what he is or is not doing and come up with nothing. I demand evidence if you are going to try to pin shit like this on him. Please."

Zane leaned forward to mention the serial killer theory again but found himself pushed back in his seat by Breda's hand.

"Ulysses, you mean like the guy from the myths?" Havoc asked.

"I'm sure the original is dead by now. " Falman said flatly.

"Well unless he found a philosopher's stone on his Odyssey." Zane added.

Roy looked down at folder Falman handed him.. He flipped open the folder and noticed the files were sparse. Falman had gone through and highlighted all mentions of the name so it would only take him a few moments to read the information. His dark eyes scanned the words, his brow furrowing in concern as each noted instance of the name cropping up had virtually no connection to the next one. Great. So in addition to everything else he now had some mythical hero wandering around providing instruction to Cretans on explosives and guerrilla tactics. So who the hell was this guy and why was he trying to undermine Amestris? "This is something we can look into later. Clearly if he's been waiting around for centuries he can wait another month."

"So the bank." Breda redirected the conversation. "Do we have a plan?"

Roy threw the folder down on his desk. "I'm going to go there today and do some recon. I need Falman to research the layout of the bank and what runs under it. We've ended up in the sewer system before and it's possible that might be a route they were exploring. Maes, if you can work your channels to see if there is even a hint of this anywhere else...it would be helpful. Breda, I want you to come up with a plan for me on how you would rob the bank. Havoc, don't get too comfortable, you're heading to West City early. See what you can find out out there."

"Sure thing Roy." Maes leaned back in his chair and stretched. "Don't you want Ed to help with this Gold Alchemy thing?"

"No." Roy shook his head. "Let him just be a student until we absolutely need him. I'll fill him in on the basics today to prepare him for what may come, however he just doesn't have the experience necessary to contribute anything productive at the moment."

"What about Frank Archer?" Zane asked and got a scowl in return.

"I have not received official word yet, however this morning I do expect the Fuhrer to inform me that Colonel Archer is now in charge of our West City branch."

Breda's eyes lit up. "Does that mean..."

"It means he got a promotion and is now keeping Lt. Colonel Whitman from countering any attacks in West City." Roy said and watched Breda sink into his seat.  _No, Heymans you don't get your girlfriend back. Sorry buddy._  "So Havoc needs to go do her job for her."

"Did anyone get information at the retirement party?" Hughes asked and watched Fuery knock over his coffee. What was with him?

Breda watched the young kid scramble to clean up the mess and decided to take over the reading of the notes from the weekend. He didn't want to hear the kid's soft sobs as he squeaked out something about the phone sex he listened to. "Kimblee's car got broken into."

Roy stood and stretched as he looked at the clock. It was time to head to the academy for his 10am class. "Anything else?"

"New pictures of Elicia!" Maes stood and his wallet exploded with all the new pictures. "Alphonse is teaching her alchemy!"

Roy looked at the picture and rolled his eyes at the transmutation circle. "He's making her a cookie shaped like a dinosaur."

"You just don't get it Roy." Maes growled. "She helped."

"Yes, there is one more important thing." Roy stood up walked over to the corner and picked up Hayate. "I got a puppy! Isn't he adorable Maes!?"

"It's not the same thing Roy." Hughes glared at him. "I don't care how much you love dogs."

"Yes it is! He's the cutest damned thing on the planet and every day I'm going to call you and tell you that." Roy chirped back with a smile.

"Fine." Hughes snorted. "Every day I'll ask how you take care of your dog when you work nonstop."

"He comes with me to work!" Roy said and shoved Hayate in Maes's face. "See? He's here at work,  _with me_."

"Who is going to walk him?" Maes watched Roy spin and hold his puppy in the air. "Or save him from you before he's diagnosed with Shaken Puppy Syndrome?"

"My fangirls." Roy said and looked over at his staff. He didn't want to know why Breda was trying to crawl under his desk. "And Fuery."

"Don't be late for class." Hughes mumbled and picked up his things.

"Don't stray too far from your phone." Roy said and waved goodbye with Hayate's paw.

"Team Mustang: Saving the world." Havoc blew a smoke ring. "Serious business."

Roy smirked as Hughes left and turned to the rest of them. "Remember, our priority is the bank. We need something to go on. If you come up with anything on Cornello, I'll send Kimblee out there."

"Woohoo!" Havoc hollered.

"Which does NOT mean you will focus on Cornello just to get rid of Kimblee for a week." Roy growled.

"Just think about how peaceful it was when he was in that woman's basement for a week because of his scrap-booking class!" Havoc said.

Breda popped his head over the edge of Roy's desk and made sure the demon dog was still in Roy's arms. "Got some insight on that last night. Haley said he stole some doll from the lady that his Mom wanted."

Zane chewed on his pen. "If the dolls hold the souls of her victims, it could very well be a trophy of her kill. Even if the soul has faded out of the vessel, the container would still hold value as a momento. Like a deer head on the wall...just creepy Victorian dolls instead."

"Falman, you get to research this Ulysses. See what you can dig up." Roy ignored the alchemist as he wandered over to grab his notebook and jot down ideas. He watched Falman scan his notes and knew there was something he had to add to the meeting. "What?"

"There are cadets selling recordings of your lectures. They seem to be rather popular and many young girls are being caught listening to your..." Falman checked his notes. "Sexy, mouth watering, drown a puppy in my panties voice."

"Great." Roy closed his eyes.

"Parents are pissed." Falman said. "But applicants to the academy have increased by 20%."

"Super." Roy scratched Hayate's ears and went to gather his things. "Alright buddy, time to go to work."

* * *

Rebecca slipped into Riza's office quietly and closed the door. It was the first time she could get away this morning as she did her best to give Alphonse Elric a run down of their job. "So, how did everything go Saturday?"

Riza looked up and gave her a smile. "We worked things out."

Rebecca frowned. "That doesn't sound like the response I was looking for. Is everything OK?"

"Yes." Riza kept toying with her pen.

"Al said you two went home together with a puppy." Rebecca prodded. Riza was very quiet, deep in thought and just answering with the simplest responses. That wasn't good.

"Yes, Black Hayate." Riza said with a smile.

"What a dumb name." Rebecca snorted. "Why did you let Roy name the furbaby?"

"I named him."

"What's going on?" Rebecca walked over and looked her in the eye.

"He...spent Sunday lying on my chest telling me about the war." Riza said softly. "I...had no idea that's what he kept inside of him all these years. "

"We've seen and done some terrible things Riza." Rebecca said.

"Not like this. I've never burned someone alive, listened to their screams and smelled their flesh and hair burning. With a gun, it's not that close. There is a disconnect. There is blood, but it's not the same. A gunshot is clean compared to every square inch of flesh being burnt off. Flame Alchemy is  _my_  father's work. All these years I have been so proud of him for everything Roy has accomplished, how he so easily mastered something my father took a lifetime to work out. I never saw it as such a curse."

"Riza, at least he can talk to you now." Rebecca said.

"I want to protect him from all these outside evils and yet it's the internal demons tearing him apart. I'm a horrible wife. How can I say I love him if I gave him this burden to carry and then left him to do it alone?"

"He learned from your father, you didn't make him do that. He joined the army. Riza, he's a grown man, making his own choices and it was also his choice to not tell you any of this."

"I should have pushed harder." Riza closed her eyes. "I've never been so disappointed in myself."

Rebecca frowned. "Riza, this isn't your fault."

Riza stared at the picture on her desk. It was one Hughes took when the best friends came back from Ishval and she and Gracia met the boys at the train station. Roy smelled of smoke then, he was so thin and quiet, but he had brightened up when he finally saw her again. That kiss had made her weak in the knees with it's intensity and the next second he was on his knee asking for her hand in marriage. He didn't have a ring, but offered his dog tags instead. You would have thought an alchemist could make something better, but it was symbolic.  _Would you take my name, would you keep me close to your heart. Without you by my my side, I don't know if I can ever really come home._  It was clearly not something he thought about before he popped the question. It was how he used to talk to her when they were growing up, he spoke his mind, and she had always known she wanted to be here for him. More than just as a face at the train depot, she wanted him to know she was always here for him.

However yesterday she found out that she had let him down. For five years he waited to tell her that he was too scared to confess to her what he did with the secrets her father had etched on her back. That her simple worlds of 'Can I trust you?' echoed in his mind every time he looked at his gloves or her back, that he feared what would happen if he confessed. That he was terrified even now that she couldn't bear to stay with him. His tears had soaked through her shirt as she stroked his hair until he simply could not cry any more. Her own tears streaked down her face, knowing that she was the one who burdened him with this curse. That the death toll was hers to bear as well, because without her help he would have never become the Flame Alchemist. This was entirely her fault.

* * *

Ed walked into Mustang's office and rubbed his eyes. He looked over at the empty coffee pot, still turned on and a slimy coffee residue burning and bubbling in the bottom of the pot. He really needed a cup of coffee. He was hoping he could just take Mustang's but as he leaned over the man's desk he spotted a coffee mug that looked like it should be seized by a bio-hazard team for the weird mold growing in it. "So can I borrow some money?"

Roy sat back in his chair and scoffed. "Are you fucking kidding me? You just got paid!"

"I bought new clothes." Ed showed him his new red coat and smiled.

"You spend your entire paycheck on a Little Red Riding Hood cosplay?" Roy said dryly and sighed.

"You asshole, it's just a red coat and it's custom made!" Ed snapped.

"Here's a hint, Fullmetal, you can make your own clothes with alchemy." Roy narrowed his eyes at him as he heard Hayate start to rustle around in the corner, woken up by Ed's yelling.

"I have the flair and fashion sense but not the embroidery skills." Ed admitted.

"Another fun fact: you can't wear that here because you're a cadet! You have a mandatory uniform you little shit!" Roy stood up and slammed his fists into the desk.

"Well it's for my  _other_ job." Ed stood proud, he liked his red coat quite a bit. It was flashy, comfortable and made him look taller. Or so the seamstress said.

"Where the main requirement is  _secrecy_?" Roy growled back. "Why didn't you just have it made in hi-visibility yellow?"

"Oh."

Roy rubbed his eyes and stood up straight. "So did you spend your entire paycheck on that?"

"It and some medication Al needed for some cats he found." Ed said sheepishly.

Roy grabbed his uniform jacket off the back of his chair and shook his head. "Come on, I'm taking you to the bank so you can open your first checking account and set up automatic deposit."

"Why? So you can make some joke about being 'Short-changed'?" Ed grumbled.

"Because apparently this is my fucking life now! Nurturing you into a self sustaining young adult instead of the irresponsible mooch you are. Do you have your I.d.?" Roy put his uniform jacket on. At least he was going to stop by the bank anyway, he might as well drop Ed into someone's lap and use him as a distraction to take a look around. Or make him take a tour. he could fill in the kid on the Bank problem on the drive over.

"Why would I carry that around with me? I'm a secret agent!" Ed stomped his foot as Mustang banged his head on a bookshelf before taking his black trench coat off the hook.

"I deserve a promotion for dealing with you." He went over and picked up Hayate from the book fortress he made in the corner of his office.

"I didn't know you got a puppy." Ed walked over and pet the pup and then looked at the clever book containment area Mustang had made for the little guy. Then he looked down at the paper that was being used as a pee pad and growled, "Is that  _my_ test you're using as a diaper for your dog?"

"All it's good for is wiping your ass." Roy snorted as he grabbed the leash from a shelf. "You failed."

"How can I fail a test on basic alchemy!?"Ed screamed.

"It was multiple choice, idiot." Roy pet Hayate as he whimpered due to Ed's yelling. "You wrote essays, drew transmutation circles and tried to disprove ancient alchemy theory in the margins."

"So? I went above and beyond."

"No, you were  _short sighted_ and didn't circle a damned letter anywhere on the test. Not one. You even forgot to write your name on it." Roy hooked Hayate's leash on and grinned as the dog licked his chin. "My dog just peed on more correct answers than you managed to do in a hour of test taking. He put his little poop stained paw print on the line labeled 'Name'. Follow instructions Elric, or you're going to be taking the class over."

* * *

"Oh my God!" Ed exclaimed.

"What?" Roy apologetically smiled at the older woman sitting at the desk beside them. The bank was relatively quiet except for a certain blond alchemist in his loud and obnoxious red coat and the mouth that matched it. He wanted to get him started on the paperwork so he could slip away to go look for Riza, "look" and inspect the bank as he made his way to her office. Unfortunately nothing ever went according to plan with this kid. How the hell could Fullmetal find something on simple application form that was offensive? How the hell did he live this long on his own?

"Do you see how much they take from me in taxes!?" Ed's golden eyes refused to move from the deductions category on his paycheck.

"It's a Military State." Roy frowned and pet Hayate who seemed to let loose a heavy puppy sigh as he too was ashamed of Ed's explosive way of discovering the fundamentals of life. "The whole point is that the civilian population funds the military with their tax dollars."

"I'm not a civilian, I'm military!" He waved the pay stub at Mustang. "I don't want to pay you! You suck at your job!"

"You suck at life." Roy pointed at the application and growled. "Try to fill in the blanks."

Ed stared at his pay stub. "I'm basically working just to give back all my money to the government."

"That would be the definition of employment." Roy said dryly. "Where is your other paycheck?"

"What other paycheck?"

"You're a State Alchemist. That is a different branch and you're paid via a separate check. " Roy shook his head. "Never mind, I'll bring you to Central Command again and you can pick it up. More than likely General Grand is waiting on you to show up so he can try and intimidate you. I won't send you into that alone."

"I don't need you to hold my hand." Ed snapped.

"Someone has to or you'll find away to get it ripped off too." Roy grumbled.

"Cheap shot!" Ed snapped.

"You mean a  _low_  blow?" Roy cocked an eyebrow and smirked. "Do you need me to fill that in for you?"

"Fuck off, Mustang." Ed growled and watched a gloved finger point to the bottom of the application. He glanced down to read the fine print that told him that any individual under 18 was required to have a signature of an adult guardian. "DAMMIT!"

Roy heard Hayate whimper as the puppy felt the stares from all the bank customers in the room, yet Ed remain oblivious of the attention he was directing to himself. He rubbed his eyes with a gloved hand and then said, "Come on Ed, grab all your stubs and lets go find my wife so I can have her help you with this. I need to find some coffee and get you away from approaching bank security."

Ed frowned as he looked over his shoulder and noticed everyone was looking at him. He turned back to the counter and picked up his application, pay stub and pen. Then he paused. "What do you mean  _all_  my stubs...I only have this one right now."

Roy started walking away, knowing the impeding explosion would make the glass in the windows shake.

"GOD DAMMIT MUSTANG!" Ed screamed as soon as he realized he was talking about his arm and leg and not a pay stub. "That's NOT funny!"


	11. Crimson and Gold

_Covert Affairs_

Chapter 11

**Crimson and Gold**

* * *

Solf Kimblee enjoyed his job most days. He loved the fact that he could blow people up and convince others that he was doing it for their safety and not just his own personal enjoyment. It amused him to no end that he was now a prize bachelor, celebrated alchemist and a shining example of what the Amestrian military had to offer. Maybe in some different world Roy Mustang would have had the privilege of those titles, but right here and now, it was the Crimson Alchemist who was on the pedestal.

He always thought he'd struggle with post Ishval employment, the mundane day to day operations of the world were just a nightmare of boredom in comparison to the exhilarating days and nights of battle. Instead, he was pleasantly surprised with how much damned fun he was having here in Central. It was more of a challenge to explode the human and not trigger the bomb they were wearing or carrying. The beauty was in the challenge as well as the sound and feel of the explosion. It was like being the conductor in an orchestra, only the best instruction would yield a most tantalizing sound and experience. A wrong move ended in an improper detonation and a most miserable sound of failure. It was actually honing his skills, an added bonus to the steady flow of terrorists who seemed to be filtering into Central these days.

Solf swiveled around on his lab stool and checked to see what the other techs were doing. Work, apparently. His colleagues in this lab were as interesting as pocket lint, but his anti-terrorism teammates next door could always be counted on for some source of amusement. Lt. Breda was smart, something he hid behind the sloppy and portly exterior, and Mustang handed him an absolute gem by ordering him to publicly 'date' Whitman. He could see Breda struggle with it, it was a crack he could pour some salt into whenever he needed to lower his defenses. He was the most fun to toy with because he was the biggest challenge when Mustang wasn't around. Havoc, the country bumpkin, bored him and Falman was like conversing with a technical manual. Fuery tried to crawl under a desk if he even looked at him. So unless he wanted to fight, snore or clean up piss those three were never worth engaging. They remained pawns and he would toy with them to draw Breda into the game. A nice mix of pleasure, entertainment and curiosity kept him grounded and being close to Mom again was by far the best part.

He finally got up from his desk and walked over to his workstation, deciding to get to work instead of daydream. Yes he liked his job, but inspecting luggage was another story. There was nothing he could do with this garbage except repackage someone's belongings and ship it back to them. He looked at the plaid baggage and cocked an eyebrow as he read the tag on it detailing how it had been confiscated. Frank Archer's suitcase was probably more boring than the man himself, if that was even possible. It looked like he stole it out of the History Museum, this style of baggage was tacky and probably prehistoric. He unzipped the thing and flopped it open on the table. Everything was neatly folded, in plastic baggies and labeled. There was a book on tactics, war commentary of a long dead General and a copy of that stupid bondage fanfic turned national bestseller, 50 Shades of Grey. More like 50 Shades of Grey Matter as a part of your brain dies with every word you read. Frank Archer seemed like he was as much fun as an animated corpse.

He looked around the lab to see if there was anything he could put in the suitcase to make it less mediocre. One of the lab techs was reading some Issac Asimov so he went over and stole the book to swap it out with the horrible romance book that had become popular. He hoped the written porno would convince Mr. Farley to finally quit his job as Solf was getting sick of his instant cappuccino powder he stocked the kitchen with. Then there was Mr. Harper's desk calendar that had inspiration quotes typed over photos of cats doing yoga, yes that was a winner too. Solf tossed the calendar in the suitcase and looked around for something else that he could add. He smiled as he saw a jar of pickles sitting over in the breakroom. He went over, slipped one nasty floppy cucumber into a plastic baggie and walked back to his desk. He opened a drawer and pulled out a pamphlet he picked up at the museum about Rasputin's penis and taped it to the baggie. He was saving that for a day when he could drop it in Breda's lunch bag, but Archer might appreciate the gesture more. Task complete, he zipped the case back up and threw it back on the cart for returns.

Annoyed that he had to take time out of his day with this nuisance he walked out of the lab and into the offices they considered their Anti-Terrorism Headquarters. He was bored anyhow, so he might as well go over to see what trouble he could stir up. He opened the door and heard someone groan in annoyance as they saw him. Damned Havoc. He slammed the door. "So why am I rifling through Colonel Archer's underwear?"

Havoc snorted and continued to work. "It's really not even a challenge to mock you for that."

"Hide your jealousy Havoc." Kimblee grumbled and noted that Breda was not even listening. He was focused on a sandwich on his desk. Go figure. "Why is your girlfriend pissing off Archer? Is she after his job?"

Breda shook his head and sat down at his desk. "You missed the meeting, Archer's taken over West City branch."

"What meeting?" Solf put his hands in his pockets and looked around at them all. Zane was doodling equations on the chalkboard and in his own little world. "Major Whitman, what meeting?"

"Huh?" Zane looked up and stared at Kimblee. Breda and Havoc seemed to be ignoring him, as always. He knew he was only addressing him by rank so he felt obligated to treat him as a superior and answer. "What meeting?"

Solf heard Havoc giggle. "Never mind."

"We already had the meeting." Zane shrugged it off. "Ask Mustang if you need to know what your task is."

Breda smiled and tore into the sandwich sitting on the desk waiting for him. There was love for you, a woman who would phone order a sub and have it delivered from your favorite deli. He sat down and unwrapped the sandwich and was excited to see it was a rueben. He grinned and noticed something written on the wax paper the sandwich was wrapped in. He frowned and read it aloud, "Wicked Witch of the West has been ensnared."

Kimblee lit up. "I told you all that that wasn't just a kid's book!"

"Then what is it, Lt. Colonel? What exactly is your favorite play if not a story about a girl lost in a magical world looking to get back home?" Breda grumbled. He knew Haley was just using Kimblee as a resource, but it annoyed the hell out of him that they now had some secret code thanks to their fake dates. All alchemists had some kind of way of encrypting their work, he just wished Kimblee's wasn't based on his fake relationship with his own girlfriend. The bastard even had a little back book he kept of their escapades, exaggerated and fake as hell, but the rest of the world thought it was true. Especially when he left it on his desk in the lab every time he came over here. Kimblee Kama Sutra was about as exciting as anything ever got in the lab and the techs were probably gossiping about it as they spoke. Bitter he smirked and added, "Strike a nerve does it? Maybe because there are girls' souls locked into porcelain dolls in your Mom's living room all wishing they could go home?"

"It's an allegory for the political movements of the turn of the century. Poor getting poorer, rich getting richer. People desperate for relief from a depression." Solf sat down on the corner of his desk and took the wax paper to see the words for himself. He ignored Breda's remarks, not wanting to blow the guy up for talking about his Mom. The smell of corned beef and Breda seemed like a way to ruin lunch. "Doesn't strike close to home for you, Breda, you never missed a meal in your life."

Havoc sat back in his chair. "No, if it's an allegory for the Populist movement than it does strike close to home for  _me_."

"Just get that,  _scarecrow_?" Kimblee stood up and threw the wax paper in Breda's face. He went over to the chalkboard and paused as he realized that Zane was still scribbling out equations oblivious to the debate he was trying to start. One glance at the board made him wonder what the hell Mustang had them working on. "Well leave it to the rich kid to think about destroying gold in his spare time."

Zane looked up from his book as he watched Kimblee erase his work. "Solf!"

Falman sat up straight and thought about Kimblee's rants. They could have something to do with Cornello, since he was the currently trying to revive the dead Populist movement. Perhaps by discussing this play he was obsessed with than they could determine what exactly they were looking for out East. It also could be the best way to get Kimblee interested in a trip to Reole to uncover information instead of plastering internal organs all over the buildings. "Colonel Kimblee, please tell us again what you have found in the Wizard of Oz."

Havoc looked over at the man. "Are you kidding?"

"No." Falman said. "I read that book to my kids at night. I want to know if there is some hidden agenda."

"Let's all remember who the farm boy is before you all start attacking a movement my parents were a part of." Havoc said and put out his cigarette, " You have no idea what my family had to go through when crops failed and they were already so far in debt to the railroad and banks for having to transport the crops to market. Even in good years they barely made a profit with the ridiculously high rates they had to pay to have the railroad take the grain to market."

Zane looked up. He felt everyone look to him. "I know that my family's control over the railroad contributed to the depression that swept across the farms of this country, that's one of the reasons my sister and I bought Amestris Rail. We are trying to break apart the trusts that dominate the industry and provide a more reasonable way to move crops..."

"Too late." Havoc snorted. "We already lost the farm. That's why my parents operate a General Store now."

"I'm sorry." Zane said. He hated that this was one of his families legacies. "We're trying to change things. We're trying to break Central Rail's unchallenged hold on this country's transportation system. We're not competitive enough yet, it may be years before we can finally destroy the monopoly that they have on the railroad."

Breda could see Kimblee's satisfied smirk and could see where this was going. "I don't see why this is relevant."

"It's relevant." Falman assured him. "If Cornello is indeed trying to rally the people of the East for a political movement or a march on Central than I think this might be pertinent."

"Relevant to something that happened last century?" Havoc asked. "A political movement that died a decade ago?"

Fuery stopped what he was doing and watched the other men in the room. Breda's eyes shifted between Kimblee, who was smiling like he got away with something, and Havoc who was growing more agitated as time went on and smoking faster. Zane looked just defeated even though none of this was his doing. He was interested, he really didn't remember much about the time period as it was more of a current event in school than history.

Breda sighed and put his sandwich down. There was no avoiding this now. Kimblee had stirred up a hornets nest. "We need to put the past behind us and focus on what is relevant now. When we are not preparing for an imminent terrorist attack, you can revive this debate and have at each other. However, right here and now, our question is about who would want to put the gold reserves of Amestris in jeopardy. Cornello is trying to revive the old 'Free Silver' cause and rally his followers around it so he would have the most to gain."

"What is the 'Free Silver' movement?" Fuery asked meekly.

"The rallying cry is that if we use silver as currency we remove the power the wealthy have because of gold." Breda replied. "More silver means that more people will have it, not just those who have horded a limited resource."

Havoc finally calmed down as he crushed his cigarette and lit a new one. If he was smoking them in succession it meant he was getting worked up. He knew better than to let Kimblee have that kind of power in the room. "It was important because there was an imbalance in everything. High costs, low pay. More people than there used to be, less money to go around. More jobs because of the industrial revolution, but you worked long hours and had more expenses in a city. There was no winning because all the profits went to the rich. So it sounded like a good deal to change things. You couldn't be rich if what you held as wealth was no longer valuable as currency."

"It doesn't work." Zane said quietly. "It's a theory that just doesn't work out the way you're being told it will. Silver won't be handed out, you still have to earn it and it is worth less than gold. 16 ounces to one ounce of gold. Someone is always hording something and it's usually the person pushing to make the change. You still need to get your crops to market, so when you come to pay with silver...they'll ask for more of it. Then the rich have your silver and their gold. It's not a fix for the economy."

Kimblee grinned as they finally made their way around to what he was hoping they would. "But you can thank his parents and the other Amestrian elite for starting the Ishval War and re-stimulating the economy. Right Zane? Best way to end an economic depression is to go to war! Sudden surge in military jobs, industry to produce weapons and the army buys tons of supplies to function. War is a wonderful little solution to a ton of problems."

Breda contemplated shooting him. He hated that man. He was clearly bored if he was over here and one of his past times was pointing out everyone's differences. Social standings, backgrounds.. whatever he could use to drive a wedge into and use to instigate something. Now apparently he was going to pit the farmer boy against the rich kid which was going to put him, Mr. Middle class and the one person who linked the two of them, in the middle. Kimblee was such a bastard. "Kimblee..."

"But back to the book of the month." Kimblee erased the board and scribbled out a tornado. "Here is the tornado, the populist cyclone that swept across the country and dropped little picture perfect Dorothy into the magical land of politics, technicolor ponies and midgets. Now, the yellow brick road is gold, her slippers in the book were silver...the Emerald City is clearly Central with our lovely greenbacks being Cenz. Gold, Silver, green. Money Money money."

"What about the characters?" Falman asked as everyone pretended to not be as interested as they really were in his lecture. With Kimblee you just had to make sure that his statements made you think about what  _you_  wanted to instead of down the path he was tricking you into.

"It's just a childrens book!" Breda snapped in an attempt to remind them all that this was not a history lesson or political debate. It was Kimblee dropping a conversational bomb to see what everyone did when hit by shrapnel. "We should ship you to Creta as a inspiration speaker. They'd destroy themselves."

"You're just jealous that your girlfriend and I have a secret code now." Kimblee smirked. "Our protagonist Dorothy's house gets dropped on the Wicked witch of the East. That's East City who has control over the farms of the East and the Ishvalians. The house, being the Ishval War. The trigger needed to start a whole adventure and rile up the nation. East City, where all the railroads rolled through, carrying crops. Where the banks held gold and refused to exchange for silver. East City, one evil bitch trying to keep everyone down! Enslaving the little people...munchkins...like that Elric kid. Unregulated Capitalism destroying lives, leaving the rural people behind as Amestris pushed forth into an industrial era!"

Fuery's eyeballs grew wide as Kimblee's rant made him wonder if the play was even half as good. He was pretty dramatic when he wanted to be and as much as he didn't want to be entranced by it, he couldn't help himself.

"I hope Ed kicks your ass for that." Breda snorted. "Who here wants to place bets on a Crimson vs. Fullmetal fight?"

"He blows people up." Fuery said with a look of horror. "He doesn't like losing and Ed's only a kid."

"Shut up Breda. Stop trying to derail my lecture." Kimblee threw the chalk at him and watched it land in his coffee, splashing brown beverage all over his blueprints and maps. "Next we have the Good witch of the North..."

"Olivier Armstrong." Zane said quietly. Recalling seeing her the previous morning. "Or Briggs."

"And our new character, Archer is the Wicked Witch of the West. There's a good witch of the South but not sure who that is now. Mustang's probably Dorothy with his miniskirt, silly dog and dumb ideals." Kimblee nodded. "Yes, that works."

"Isn't Catherine Armstrong playing Dorothy?" Fuery asked. He had a crush on the talented beauty.

Kimblee narrowed his eyes at the goofy kid and watched him hunker down behind his radio. "No. It's funnier my way."

"What the hell are we talking about?" Havoc mumbled. "I have to leave for West City tomorrow. How the hell is this stupid fairy tale going to help me?"

"Because  _someone_  wrote it. It's a riddle...it's an encrypted message." Kimblee said and continued to jot down names on the board. "It's a way to try to educate the masses by distributing a political piece in the form of a simple childrens book and a play adaption that everyone is going to see. It's a way to make people think. All these damned sheepeople need to  _start thinking_."

Zane tapped his pen on the notepad. "So we have countries out to destroy us and some mythical hero instructing them how to do it, in addition to some writer trying to use popular fiction as a way to convey a truth about today's society?"

"Shhhh!" Kimblee continued to write. He had his audience captivated so now it was time to sell it. "The Scarecrow is the farmers, Tinman the industry and the cowardly lion..."

"Cornello." Falman said in an attempt to bait Kimblee into an interest in the mission to Reole. "A great roar...someone who uses his voice to intimidate. Hiding behind religion to manipulate the masses to mobilize for his cause."

"Who the hell is this Cornello?" Kimblee threw down the chalk. "Why the hell don't I get to come to meetings?"

"Everyone hates you." Havoc said simply.

"So?" Solf put his hands in his pant pockets. "Someone has to be here to disrupt your hero worship of Mustang."

"Father Cornello is reviving the populist movement amongst his followers. They worship the Sun God Leto and Cornello performs miracles and preaches to his followers daily." Falman rattled off the information and watched Kimblee digest it.

"Then who is the wizard of OZ?" Zane asked as he looked at the names on the board. He was really going to have to go see this play.

""You mean the deceptive bastard who is a manipulative politician? The man who is all hot air and give you nothing unless you do something for him? A man who hides behind smoke and mirrors and acts all powerful but changes his face for each person he meets?" Kimblee asked.

"Bradley." Breda said.

Kimblee looked over at Falman who was the only one not scowling at him. "So, who is the Cornello and is anyone going to miss him if I turn him inside out? I hate people who use religion as a way to spread their own personal propaganda."

"So what's next month's book of the month?" Breda leaned back in his chair and watched Kimblee steal Zane's notebook. He was never going to be able to figure out Kimblee. He seemed to randomly adopt morals and clearly wasn't a sociopath like they thought. Haley was rather adamant about how much the man clearly adored his mother and it was obvious his temper flared when he mentioned those dolls. Right now, however, he wanted him to leave so he could try to put out the fires he started.

" _Animal Farm_...maybe  _The Inferno_. Seven deadly sins, that one sounds like a winner. I could play with that for a long time." Kimblee's eyes searched the sketches and equations on the other alchemists tablet as Zane tried to grab it back. "Can we talk about why you're planning to play chemist with a gold brick?"

"It's research!" Zane snapped and finally gave up trying. He let the bracelet with his array fall down to his palm on his left hand and slid the chain over his hand to fix it in place.

"Why?" Kimblee notice he was toying with his bracelets and threw the notebook in the guy's face.

"Gold is a great conductor of electricity." Zane held up his bracelet and tried to sound convincing. "It's part of my re-certification research."

"Refining it? Destroying it?" Kimblee asked. " What the hell are you working on? Why don't I get to come to the meetings? "

"You only care about your own amusement!" Zane hated the tension the other alchemist was planning to leave in the room, it was counter-productive and Solf knew exactly what he was doing. "Some of us actually give a damn about this team, our commander and our country. You're not helping anyone with your little philosophical chats. Nobody. Yes, life is unfair. Yes, class and sex and race are factors when they shouldn't be, however you're not changing anything. You're just aggravating already existing wounds and taking up our time!"

"I don't care about your cause. Sorry" Kimblee shrugged. "Maybe if I was invited to meetings I might let the Magnificent Mustang try his hand at convincing me to support his, or your, goals."

"Progress can not be made if you dwell in the past. You want people to think then you should be prepared with solutions instead of accusations." Zane spat.

Kimblee cocked an eyebrow and held up his hands. "Ok, I'll go to see this Cornello guy and provide him with a solution to  _his_  problem of lying to his followers. Clearly if he's using God as a reason why this country should use Silver instead of Gold than he's got his own hidden agendas. "

"By blowing him up?" Zane huffed. "Where does that leave his followers?"

"Without a false prophet."

"It leaves them lost." Zane narrowed his eyes at him. The same place this country will be without the gold reserves in the bank. Probably the best place for Kimblee was away from Central since all he was was a distraction.

"Sheepeople without a shepard might actually start to think about something for themselves." Kimblee smirked. "Or just flock to a new cause so they don't have to think."

"Aggravating asshole." Breda snorted. "Why don't you get back to work checking luggage, fan mail and the Central Times Bestseller list? We all have a lot of work to do."

"Don't shoot the messenger." Kimblee snorted. "Or order around your superior, Lt. Breda. But by all means, go find the person who wrote this book and ask him what he knows. Someone out there is sending a message and is waiting for someone to pay attention. If anyone gets their noses out of that 50 Shades of Vomit book long enough to realize this isn't just a fairy tale he's telling."

Havoc lit another cigarette as Kimblee sauntered back out to his lab. "Never a dull moment with him around is there?"

Breda looked at his sandwich then sighed. Dammit. "Alright Falman, who is this Cornello guy and should we be considering him as a threat?"

Falman finished writing his notes down for Mustang. "I think we have reason to worry about him. Worth investigating. Not my call."

Breda wrapped up his sandwich. "Havoc, let's go check out these maps firsthand so I can have a working theory on how to rob the bank by the end of the day. I am concerned that the sewer system might be an access point, especially with bodies turning up recently down there. There is a sewer tunnel that runs under the bank and I want to know how compromised that building is because of it."

"You're going to the bank?" Zane asked. "Can I come?"

"Why?" Havoc asked.

"I need a gold brick. For an experiment." Zane replied cautiously.

"You know what my people consider gold?" Havoc asked. "Corn, soy...wheat."

Breda rubbed his eyes. "Enough you two. Don't let Kimblee stir up shit between you two, understand? You're both better than this. Don't fall prey to one of his damned games."

Fuery was glad he remained invisible most of the time. "What's Colonel Kimblee trying to do?"

Breda sat back and wished he could enjoy his sandwich but now his stomach was telling him to forgo lunch. "He delights in pointing out social differences that are sore spots for a lot of people. He's baiting you both and you should be ashamed of yourself for letting him have that much amusement at your expense."

Havoc took a drag on his cigarette. "The guy doesn't fabricate anything though, he just instigates. So there probably is something to his Wizard of Oz fascination. Maybe we should go see a play for a class trip."

"I'll get us tickets." Zane said quietly and looked at his notes. "We should look at every lead we have."

"Right now, we're going to the bank." Breda wrapped up his sandwich and hoped he could eat it in the car. It was going to be a damned long day.

"By the way, nice way to just casually drop the fact that we suspect his Mom is a serial killer." Zane mumbled.

Breda glared at him. "By the way, nice job of broadcasting your gold research by scribbling it all over the damned chalkboard."

"I think better when I can use chalk and..." Zane sighed. "Sorry. I'm worried that if they attackers are going to try and destroy or change the gold in order to move it, they will use Aqua Regia. It's not that the gold will be destroyed, because we can reconstitute it, it's that the chemicals needed will be very toxic. It's the perfect way to get away with the theft, the nitro-hydrochloric acid is very corrosive and toxic. It reacts violently with a high number of elements, metals...objects. If they were to release this in that bank, the damage to people and property would be a distraction and also cover up their tracks."

"Damage like?" Breda asked, trying to lead him into the answer they were waiting on.

"Death." Zane said simply. "Burns. Fumes will be the worst, but the reaction to water will generate heat and more fumes. If it gets into the sewer system, the water and chemicals there will be...a problem."

"This day keeps getting better and better." Havoc reached for his unopened pack of cigarettes. He figured he was going to need it.

"Like Mustang said earlier, it could be just the threat of the gold being destroyed that causes the chaos they want." Breda said and tried to keep them from concentrating on one sole method. "We don't know anything about this attack. We don't know who is going to initiate it, or when. This guessing is doing nothing. Right now reconnaissance is the key. We must know our field of battle and hope more answers present themselves."

"Fair enough." Havoc stood and watched Zane pack up his notes to take with him. "Gold, if you can't destroy it then you shouldn't be able to create it...right? If that's the case, why the hell is one of the laws of alchemy that you can't create Gold?"

"Making gold from lead has been a quest for alchemist for ages. Losing three protons is all it takes to turn one element into another. It's theory, but the amount of energy required to complete the transmutation would require something that amplified your alchemic ability. Hence the search for the philosopher's stone." Zane replied and cocked his head. "Why?"

Havoc tapped his cigarette box on his hand. "So can you make silver?"

Zane blinked. "Giolio Commanche can. He's the Silver Alchemist. He can draw the elements out of the ground to make weapons with."

"So Dorothy's Silver slippers are really that old peg legged bigot? Well that's creepy to think of him able to look up her dress." Breda shook his head. "I'd be more inclined to believe the ruby slippers in the play are the philosopher's stone."

Havoc groaned. "We need to stop doing this. What if this is just Kimblee having a laugh at our expense, trying to get us behind his damned conspiracy theories?"

"More leads than we currently have." Falman reminded him. "I will see if I can look into Commanche and find out if he has any monetary motive for this or not."

* * *

Riza was surprised when a knock interrupted her thoughts as Roy appeared at her office door. She had been lost in thought all morning and her first coffee cup was cold and untouched along with all the work she had stacked on her desk. She smiled at him as he held up Hayate and the pup put his little paws on the glass. Hayate's little nose pressed against the glass and soon his tongue was on it. She waved them in, knowing Roy was moments away from doing the same thing. He was in such a better mood this morning, and she wondered if it was from sharing his burden or because he finally got a puppy.

Roy entered and closed the door, then set Hayate down and reached for the blinds on the door and window. He had just dropped off Fullmetal at Rebecca's office, asking her to help the kid with his lack of ability to follow instructions. She wasn't very happy about it, but he left before she could say no. Now he was alone with Riza, Hayate and a...Hello Kitty stuffed animal on her desk. "Who is that from?"

Riza looked at the stupid stuffed toy Barry had bought for her. If she hadn't been staring at her desk blotter all morning thinking about what Roy had told her yesterday perhaps she would have had time to throw it out or give it to someone. She wasn't going to lie to him. "Barry gave it to me as an apology."

Roy stepped up to her desk and opened the card the little cat was holding. "This pussy is probably not as warm and exciting as yours. Always thinking of you, Barry."

Riza groaned. She didn't even look at that. "I think I might just kill him myself."

Roy considered pulling his gloves out and setting the note on fire but figured it would ruin the moment. Instead he dropped the stuffed animal to give Hayate something to chew on. He sat on the edge of her desk and gave her a smirk. "So clearly sexual harassment policies are a little lenient around here."

She stood and placed a kiss on his lips. "We're not having sex in my office."

"But I want to make a deposit." he said with a pout.

She laughed. She couldn't help it. "That's just wrong."

"You laughed." He pulled her back over into his arms and kissed her again. "Can I take you to lunch?"

She wanted to say she was really behind on her work, but she couldn't refuse him. She was so glad he was talking and sharing secrets with her again, she just wanted to go back to bed and hold him again and tell him it wasn't his fault. Having lunch with him sounded like a great way to make sure things didn't slide back into the horrible place they were at last week. "I'm not leaving Hayate in the car while we eat."

"I was thinking of getting something from the food truck and eating in the park." He grinned.

She should have known better than to doubt him. He always thought out his plans. "Sounds great."

Roy leaned forward to kiss her again but paused as he heard a gunshot from the bank lobby. He instinctively grabbed her and pulled her down behind her desk, a habit he apparently still retained from Ishval. Riza already had her hand under her desk and a gun drawn before he could realize she was armed. They both looked at each other as they lay on the ground and a shot from a shotgun hit her office window and shattered it. Hayate came scrambling around to their side of the desk as a voice carried throughout the building.

"This is a hold up! Nobody do anything stupid!"

Roy tugged on his gloves as Riza crouched behind her desk to see if she could see anything in the lobby. Her gun was drawn, safety already clicked off and the eyes of a Hawk focused on the threat. He sat up beside her, his own fingers poised to fire at a moments notice as well.  _So much for a well executed defense against the bank robbery._ Then he heard it, that voice from outside the office. That  _somebody_ who was going to do something stupid.

"Stupid? You're the ones who picked a fight with the Fullmetal Alchemist!"

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Sorry for the long wait on an update. This chapter was being difficult. Sorry if it was a little dry, more action in the next chapter.


	12. The Bank Job

_Covert Affairs_

Chapter 12

**The Bank Job**

* * *

"Fullmetal Alchemist?" Scoffed the leader of the bank robbers. He casually ran his hand through his spiky hair and then took off his sunglasses to make sure they weren't playing tricks on him. Sure enough, there was some kid standing in the middle of the bank with his superhero cloak on ready to pick a fight. You couldn't make this kind of stuff up!

" _Fullmetal alchemist_." Ed repeated, trying to deepen his voice enough to sound more mature than he looked. Ok, so there were five of them. He could handle this.

"Full of Shit Alchemist is more like it." The bank robber laughed and folded up his glasses to avoid having them scratched. "My name's Greed, nice to meet ya!"

"Hey kid, go back to the daycare while the adults talk about this bank robbery." A huge man with broad shoulders carrying a sledge hammer walked up beside his boss and looked down at the blond boy.

"Or worse, the big bad wolf comes out and has to send you crying all the way back to grandma's house,  _little_  red riding hood." Chuckled the shorter one with the katana.

"Who did you just call little!?" Ed screamed at the top of his lungs and watched the dude with the katana flinch.

"Shit! That kid's got a screech like a dog whistle!" Katana wielder grumbled.

Roy let loose a throaty growl of frustration in Riza's office as he heard the bank robbers mock Ed. In his mind he could see the kid's face contorting in rage and knew he only had a few brief seconds before Ed destroyed the bank himself. He had plenty of reports of Edward's pre-academy alchemist for hire jobs and the kid did more damage 'helping' than a canon crew could do with howitzer at close range. "Riza, I have to act now."

"I have your back." She looked to him and saw him curse silently as he stood up and walked towards the door. She was right beside him, gun poised and ready to fire as soon as someone even flickered an eye in his direction. So this was her husband the soldier; a man who exuded confidence as he walked into a potential firefight with only his gloves and loquacious tongue.  _Crazy idiot! Now I have more reasons to worry about you!_ "Hayate stay."

"I'll show you how full of shit I am..." Ed growled and made a move to clap his hands together, but suddenly the bank lit up with a streak of fire that wound it's way around the tops of the drapes like a dragon. People screamed, the robbers were distracted and the arrogant ass opened his mouth.

"Need a hand Fullmetal?" Roy asked casually, hoping to draw Ed's anger to him instead of the people in the lobby. Ed was impetuous and he wasn't going to take any chances that the kid would act first and apologize later for destroying the bank. He also didn't need the kid as the focus for...five armed bank robbers. Awesome. "Can't leave you alone for a second without you calling attention to yourself."

Ed's hands were still stretched out ready to clap as he saw the small woman robber raise her gun towards Mustang. Before he could move his hands an inch, a shot rang out. He looked over in astonishment as Mrs. Mustang stood where the brass casing clinked against the marble floor. The Colonel was standing there with his hand raised, eyes searching the lobby for the next move to be made and his wife was equally focused. Then he smelled something, something that smelled like upholstery burning. "Holy Shit! You set the bank on fire!"

"Observant isn't he?" Roy muttered and watched the robbers begin to tighten their formation. These weren't just average criminals and thieves, these people were a well honed tactical team. Customers screamed and used the opportunity to flee the building as the robbers were no longer interested in hostages.

"So are our robbers." Riza said under her breath. The way these people acted, it was like they were trained military. Were they terrorists? The leader stood in the center, amused, while his masked accomplices closed up their ranks.

"Mustang, what the hell!" Ed stammered. "Are you trying to get us all killed?"

"Dramatic, isn't he?" Roy mumbled as the sprinklers kicked on. He kept his eyes trained on the leader, the man who so brazenly attacked the country's largest bank without a mask. Greed. He had never heard of a criminal of that name before and these were pros, so where the hell had he come from? Neither side took action as he noticed Rebecca inching closer to Ed in his peripherals, her sidearm also raised. Well four against five was pretty good odds.

Riza kept her eye on the robbers who covering each other's backs as they awaited orders. They were definitely military. She recognized special ops moves from when she was in sniper training in the academy. To understand how to cover soldiers like this, you had to understand how their unit operated and how it moved. Who the hell were these people? Then she realized her husband was starting to walk towards the robbers... _as the water from the sprinklers rained down on them all_.

* * *

"Colonel Mustang in the kitchen with a cleaver." Barry held his cards and waited for Alphonse to reply.

"Barry, do you even know how to play this game?" Al asked. After several relatively creepy games of Scrabble and a heated game of Uno, he had suggested they play Clue and Barry was overjoyed. However Al suspected the other metal being in the room thought this was a game about plotting murder and not solving one.

"Yes." Barry leaned over the table and looked at the kid. "I killed twenty three people before they caught me, I'm damned good at this game."

"Well it's Colonel 'Mustard'" Al showed him the card and held it up to his face. " _Mustard_ , not Mustang."

"All the same. Saying his name leaves a bad taste in my mouth." Barry muttered.

"And there is no cleaver." Al said and waved at the little pewter trinkets that represented the murder weapons. "It's not one of the options."

"That's why these people get caught." Barry sat back and crossed his arms.

"You got caught too."

"After twenty three murders!" Barry said proudly. "These amateurs kill one person, leave a body laying around and discard the murder weapon in another room ? Even worse they stick around for the after party. They suck."

There was a drip from the air vent above their heads and it landed in the middle of the conservatory on the game board. Al glanced up and watched another water drop fall. "Maybe we should go upstairs and check on where that water is coming from."

"I'm a butcher not a plumber." Barry replied.

"You're a murderer." Al said and put his cards down as he stood up. "Who is fantasizing about killing Mrs. Mustang's husband!"

"You would too if you saw how possessive he got in that alley." Barry said and thought of Riza in that dress again. "She deserves better."

"You're impossible." Al replied and walked off to go see what was happening on the main floor of the bank as the Clue mansion acquired a new pool thanks to the leak from the air vent. "Just set up Monopoly, I don't think you can corrupt that."

"Because it's already corrupted with greed?" Barry snorted and patted the water off the board. "Drive your friends into bankruptcy by glorifying private monopolies on real estate. If this doesn't want to make you murder people I don't know what does."

"Just pick something else." Al grumbled. Perhaps sitting alone in a room by himself wasn't the worst option the world. So far, his first day at work sucked.

* * *

Riza was out of options. So as Roy took another step towards the man who called himself Greed, she tripped him. As he flopped to the floor with the least amount of grace she had ever seen, Greed raced toward her. She fired and to her amazement the man raised his arm up and deflected the shots. His arm that had been bare a moment before were suddenly coated in a black scale of some kind. These were not your ordinary thieves. They weren't even ordinary military!

Roy looked up as shots were fired over his head. "Riza what the hell!?"

Had Ed not just been tackled by the amazingly nimble short bank robber, he would have laughed at Mustang face planting into the marble floor as his wife tripped him. However he was currently trying to wrestle his hands free from the guy called Dorcello in order to perform a little alchemy of his own. Greed was either careless or didn't care because he was now barking instructions to his crew and using their names. Dorcello, who was currently fighting him and growling in his face. Bido, the slinky dude, already scampered out the door. Roa was the huge guy with the sledge and Martel the girl who had yet to speak. The details weren't going to do him much good if he couldn't get his hands free from the guy who pinned him to the ground like a guard dog.

"You're useless when wet!" Riza snapped at him, not wanting to scream to everyone in the building that her husband was no longer capable of making sparks thanks to his idea to trigger the sprinklers. It was a brilliant idea, they were in no position to hit the robbery alarm and call the police but tripping the fire alarm was just as good. Unfortunately doing so rendered him useless in this fight as an alchemist.

Roy pulled his gun, mentally chiding himself for that lapse in judgment. Then he got to his knees and leveled the gun at Greed who winked at him.

"Gotta go kids!" Greed backed towards the entrance. "Fall back."

Ed finally got his hands free as Dorcello bounced away from him. Then he slammed his hands onto the floor and grinned, ignoring the screams of "Ed, No!" and "Brother, No!" from opposite sides of the room. The marble tiles formed spikes aimed at the thieves and he had every intention of trapping the criminals in a jail of marble...but they all were gone in a flash. Instead, the marble spikes crashed against each other and his alchemy made jail remained empty. Several bank customers hiding behind the nearby desks screamed and ran for the door.

"Brother!" Al screamed and ran over to Ed. Half the bank lobby was now just exposed concrete and Ed's marble jail looked like part of a skeleton. His brother and his gothic tastes, not to mention his destructive and overzealous use of alchemy, always complicated everything.

"Al!?" Ed looked up at him. "What are you doing here!?"

"He works here." Riza said and quickly fabricated a lie. "Security. Gives him something to do at night when he can't sleep."

Roy jumped up and ordered, "After them!"

"We'll take the men heading east." Riza replied and nodded to Rebecca who had her shotgun ready.

"We'll get Greed." Roy said and dashed out of the bank after the fugitive.

"Haven't you set enough buildings on fire!" Ed screamed and ran after him.

"I'll stay and guard the bank." Barry said leisurely as he appeared in the staircase to the basement. He shrugged as his team looked at him. "What? I have a work ethic."

"Let's go," Riza ordered and heard a bark from beside her. Black Hayate, was reporting for duty. "Alright, pup, try to keep up."

"I need to stay with my brother!" Al said and saw Mrs. Mustang nod in understanding, then he dashed out of the building in pursuit of the two other alchemists.

Rebecca ran after her best friend as she bolted out the main entrance of the bank and wondered what the hell they were chasing after. She also wondered if Roy was going to be unemployed this afternoon because this was a hell of a lot of damage for a guy who was supposed to be one of the good guys.

* * *

Breda was glad they were making good time on the way to the bank despite it being almost lunch time. There was no bickering about social standing, Kimblee's new obsession with Wizard of Oz or any talk at all. It was nice. Until they had to stop at a traffic light and Havoc reached for a cigarette.

"So," Havoc said as he flicked open his lighter, "Perhaps you'd explain to me how using your vast wealth to buy up more of Amestris is helping to change things, Major Whitman."

Zane looked up from his notebook and saw the Lieutenant's bright blue eyes staring back at him. "What would you have me do, Lieutenant Havoc? Give every cent I own away to make a few people's lives better or use it to try and change the rotted foundation this country is founded on?"

"Explain to me, what the hell you two Whitmans want with Mustang." Havoc blew smoke into the back seat. "I really don't trust your motives any more than I trust Kimblee. I do support Mustang, but I'm curious to hear if you're really on his team or your own."

Zane cocked an eyebrow. "I see the Colonel as a man who still has principles even if his idealism was destroyed in Ishval. I see...exactly the person I want leading our country. Someone who isn't anything like me; A bi-racial alchemist who doesn't have wealthy aristocratic parents nor the privileges I did. A man who was raised by society's pariahs, Madam Christmas's establishment will never been see as a noble profession. He is as close to being everything that I am not and that is who should be in command of our country. Not someone from high society who doesn't understand the struggle of the ordinary man, not someone who has been given every available opportunity to succeed like I have. No, the right person for the job is Roy Mustang. He just can't do it alone because this world is against anyone who doesn't have some support. This country is against change, because there are too many people comfortable sitting at the top."

"Then why is your sister blackmailing him?" Havoc asked. He got the details about his little trip out West and was none too happy he was doing it for some weird bullet mold.

"Is this about that old gun?" Zane snorted. "She likes to remind him that he's not going to be handed everything even if he has her support. You have to understand we have both been subjected to a vast quantity of spoiled rich kids who don't value anything. Sometimes, taking things for granted allows you to weaken yourself. She also enjoys being in control, so I suspect she's just having some fun at his expense too."

Breda interrupted, "So, what do you make of Kimblee's lecture?"

"I think he's sending us on a wild goose chase so we don't look into his personal life." Zane shrugged. "However we'll go see the play together anyway. I already called the Armstrong's and got us a box reserved. Should be an interesting evening."

Havoc didn't notice the light had turned and they were already moving again. He sat facing forward in his seat and looked out the window. "So what are we looking for today? Are we planning a bank robbery, boiling the gold in the vault...what the hell did I bring my tactical gear for?"

Breda stopped the car and stared at the bank. Smoke was billowing out of a cracked window and there were masked individuals flying out the main doors and running down the sidewalk. All of them seemed to possess some supernatural speed. "Shit! Someone already robbed the bank."

As they jumped out of the car and drew their guns, more figures emerged from the bank. Mustang then Ed and then his huge armored brother Al. All three were chasing after some laughing man who was wearing sunglasses and a cheesy grin. Moments later Riza, Rebecca and a puppy ran the other way, chasing after the masked individuals with guns drawn. Breda quickly barked orders, "Whitman, guard the bank in case this is a diversion! Havoc, go lend some firepower to Riza and Rebecca. I'll help the Colonel."

* * *

Zane walked into the bank and frowned as he realized that Breda probably thought the "Lightning Alchemist" meant he could conjure up a thunderstorm. He looked up at the smoking drapes as the sprinkler system sprayed water everywhere. Then he glanced at the original oil paintings on the wall that were now on soaked canvas and completely ruined. There was a weird marble sculpture in the middle of the room and puddles beginning to form in the areas the marble had been pulled from. He wondered if he should just leave now. Mustang was going to get his ass handed to him for destroying so much even if it was in the process of preventing a major bank robbery.

"That marble thing, kind of looks like a rib cage." Barry said and walked up to the guy in uniform. He took his job seriously, Riza loved a man who worked hard and he wasn't going to let this opportunity to impress her slip by. Especially after her idiot husband just torched the bank, then flooded it. He wasn't even sure what the kid was doing by transmuting the floor into skeletal art however there was beauty in bones and it was kinda cool. This guy, however, was picking a weird time to come and gawk at the artwork.

Zane smelled something wretched, like wet sheep that had been sprayed with roadkill. He turned and jumped as he looked at a someone from his past. "Holy Shit!"

"YOU!" Barry pointed an accusatory finger at the skinny guy. "I recognize you! You're the one who killed me!"

Zane blinked as the guy waved a huge cleaver in his direction and he barely backed out of the way in time. Oh hell, standing in a lake of water was the absolute worst place for an alchemist specializing in electricity to be! Especially when he was confronted with a man he executed in a military lab! So he opted to use his stellar conversation skills to save him instead instead. "I did?"

"You don't remember me!?" He gasped. "Barry? Barry the Chopper!"

"Well you  _do_  look less creepy now." Zane took another step back, he was searching for somewhere that wasn't a pool of water or a soaked desk. He needed something that wouldn't shock him along with Barry. He spotted a tipped over ceramic pot near the wall, one that used to hold one of those fake trees commercial businesses seemed to love to decorate their lobbies with. Ceramic was a great insulator.

"You killed me!" Barry screamed. "You son of a bitch!"

"I carried out your execution orders and..." Zane finally narrowed his eyes at the guy and shuffled toward the downed faux tree. "You killed like twenty people! I'm not apologizing for that!"

"Twenty three!" Barry screamed.

"Which is why I didn't really feel too bad about electrocuting you." Zane admitted. He remembered the creepy pasty butcher who taunted him as struggled with his orders.

"It fucking hurt!"

"I'm sure that was what all those people you killed thought too." Zane slowly pulled his bracelets down around his hands from his wrists. He could be absent mined, so relying on gloves like some alchemists never worked for him. He finally came up with the solution to always wear his array in the form of a medical bracelet and he was very thankful about that now, since it allowed the act to go unnoticed by the raving murderer.

"Well now it's your turn!" Barry screamed. "I'm going to chop you into tiny little bits!"

"You might be metal now, but your blood seal is still organic material." Zane kicked the pot over, jumped onto the bottom then slammed his hands down and felt the pull of energy as he drew from every outlet in the building, including the backup generator. "So I can burn it off with electricity."

"I hate alchemists!" Barry screamed and jumped through the window as the lights flickered and blinding flash of light hit the spot he was standing. As he hit the sidewalk he looked up and saw someone jump off the building across the street right before the entire financial district lost power. "Bastards never play fair!"

* * *

Ed was so focused on Greed that he didn't realize he had an entourage following him onto the roof of the building across the street from the bank. The guy had given them the run around; first down the main road, then across the street and finally back tracked towards the bank. Now they were racing up a fire escape on the side of a building directly across from where they started. Greed apparently didn't want to leave the scene of the crime just yet. As he finally reached the top of the stairs and Ed pulled himself over the ledge of the wall and onto the roof, he finally got a good look at the leader of the bank heist crew. He grinned. It had been a while since he had a good fight and brought down a bad guy. "So Greed, huh?"

"In the flesh." Greed flashed a smile and jumped up on the ledge facing the street. "So whatcha going to do about it? I got a little time on my hands before my crew gets back here."

Ed changed his automail arm into a sword and advanced just as Alphonse pulled himself up onto the roof. Al stood there and watched the man suddenly coat his arm with something black as Ed struck out at him. What the hell was that? Alchemy? How could he make something from nothing though? It was almost like a layer of metal skin.

Roy could only hear Breda storming up the fire escape with as much finesse as a buffalo so he couldn't hear what was going on on the roof. He probably should have left someone back at the bank, just in case the robbers came back now that they had cleared the place out and set it on fire for them. "Breda, I'll take care of this. Guard that bank!"

"I sent Whitman." Breda shouted up.

Roy realized he could be happy with that. Zane probably had enough common sense to not destroy the building like he and Ed just did. He pulled himself onto the roof and looked at the battle in progress. The man who called himself Greed was fending off Ed's attacks...with his arm? As soon as he stood up he pulled out his gun and locked on to the robber, having no other options now that his gloves were soaked. "Greed, we have you surrounded."

"Do you now?" Greed grinned and bounced away from the kid. The Fullmetal teenager had skills and he was actually enjoying passing his time like this. So he bounced back, luring him to the edge and then winked. "I guess I should be going then!"

Al gasped as Greed jumped up onto the ledge and then leapt off, waving at them with a mocking smile. Then he screamed as he saw his brother leap off after him to try and grab the criminal. "Brother, no!"

Roy was already running to the edge to close the gap between him and the bank robber. He knew he was slower than Ed and would have to be ready to fire as soon as an opportunity presented itself. He was prepared to shoot as Greed stepped up on the ledge, but then Ed's cape was already in view and flying off the roof after him. He dropped his gun and didn't think as he tried to grab Ed before he plummeted to his death. He miscalculated and was already in midair as he wrapped his arms around Ed's legs to try and get a hold of the kid and they both successfully managed to throw themselves off the roof.

Al's huge stride was the only thing that saved the two most celebrated Alchemists in the country from staining the sidewalk below with their genius brains. He grabbed Mustang's left leg right at the ankle as the flutter of blue uniform followed the cape of red right off the building. He held on, despite the force of the two bodies dragging him to the edge. The other soldier that was with Mustang grabbed onto his own leg to help stabilize him.

Ed kept his eyes on Greed for a split second before he realized he was falling to his possible death. Then he felt someone latch onto his entire lower body as he watched Greed get snagged by some guy who climbed the damned building like a lizard! Ed's golden eyes remained open in shock as he smashed into the white painted brick facade of the building he just jumped off of. Then his red cape flopped over his head and prevented him from seeing the lizard guy, Greed or the massive light show suddenly illuminating the inside of the bank.

Roy saw someone all too familiar fly out the bank window onto the sidewalk as the bank lit up like a flash bomb. Barry, the pervert bank associate, was still in his cosplay garb and scrambling to stand as the bank lobby suffered through yet  _another_  alchemic attack. The pointless flaps of his uniform pants fell down over his head and didn't allow him to see street lights explode and the entire street lose power as Zane shut down the financial district by overloading the power grid.

Al however saw all of it. Barry running for his life as the the bank lit up like a supernova. Some guy suctioning himself to the wall of the building in order to save the bank robber. Two alchemists dangling off the roof like a red and blue stream hung out for a parade. There was another explosion in the distance as a transistor blew, depriving another section of downtown Central of electricity. Then there was a glow of energy from below as Ed placed his hands against the wall of the building and created a balcony for him and Mustang to land on. So Al released his hold on the Colonel, as the man was unable to see he had a safe ledge to fall onto. He watched them crumble into a pile on the ledge and and looked around to see if he could spot the criminals again. All he saw was chaos as traffic came to a halt because of inoperable traffic lights, fire trucks trying to drive into a wall of traffic and the spectators below watching the spectacle on the roof.

Breda was really glad at this moment that he was only a mere Lieutenant as he didn't envy Mustang trying to explain all this destruction to his superior, the Fuhrer himself. He looked down onto the newly made balcony as the alchemists untangled themselves from their own clothing and stood up to survey the scene for themselves. Then he watched the guys they were chasing get in the car he had arrived in and remembered he forgot to take the keys out of the ignition.

* * *

AN: The jumping off the building scene is a screencap from the Wii game Daughter of Dusk. Sorry if the actions scenes overlapped a little, it's so hard to write these things without a hitch like that.


	13. I Love it When A Plan Comes Together

 

 

_Covert Affairs_

Chapter 13

**I Love It When A Plan Comes Together**

* * *

"So Colonel," Fuhrer King Bradley paused and surveyed the damage as water dripped from the fallen plaster ceiling. He inspected the marble creation in the middle of the floor while standing on a dark patch where an electrocution almost happened. He wished these alchemists were as enthusiastic about killing people as they were in saving them, the bank looked like it had survived a war and he had to admit he was impressed with the damage. He turned to Mustang who was standing at attention waiting for him to continue. "Let me see if I get this right. You set fire to the drapes in order to trigger the fire alarm. Then Major Elric created this...skeletal sculpture to try and trap the criminals. Then you and your staff chased the leader across the street, where you proceeded to jump off the roof while Major Whitman destroyed power to the entire neighborhood by trying to electrocute someone. Did I get everything?"

"The fugitives also..stole a military vehicle." Roy replied and waited for the Fuhrer to continue. "Sir."

"The bank robbers however, did no damage what-so-ever." Bradley put his smile back on as he watched the Colonel's face features twitch just a little. They had already walked the entire building together, checking for damage on the lower levels where the gold was kept, but he hadn't said a word. He just made sure Mustang was tailing him, making sure he push the Colonel to the very edge before he brought him up here to lecture him. He wanted to see if he'd crack and thus far Mustang remained unshaken.

"Yes, sir." If it was anyone else, Roy would have cockily said that he was successful in thwarting the robbery but knew he was already precariously perched on a high wire above court-martial and dishonorable discharge.

Bradley looked around. "And you let the criminals get away."

"Yes, sir."

"In a car assigned to your team." Bradley added and almost wanted to laugh. He couldn't wait to read the reports on this.

"Yes, sir." Roy replied. He wasn't going to add that Zane's notes were sitting in the back seat with instructions on how to destroy gold with chemistry. Oh, and all those incriminating maps Breda brought with him in order to plan his own bank robbery. No, those he'd just savor himself and deal with it when the car turned up.

"Your team cost me a lot of money in just fifteen minutes." Bradley sighed. He wondered what put him here at the bank to begin with, but asking certainly wouldn't give him the honest answer. Still, it might be interesting to see what he came up with. "Exactly what were you all doing here? Did you have a tip that this was going to happen?"

Roy watched that one eye focus intently on him, scrutinizing his reaction. "No sir, I was helping Elric open a bank account and apparently the rest of my team was going for lunch when Whitman decided he needed to do some banking while in town."

They both knew he was lying but Mustang's face didn't give anything away. Bradley simply turned and looked at the ruined oil paintings that had been graciously donated by the Armstrong family. Then he glanced across the street at the Armstrong Insurance Agency where a new balcony had been installed on the fourth floor by two suicidal alchemists. Phillip would be thrilled that the ugly paintings were destroyed, as he insured them with a rival company and the payout would probably be a crippling blow to the competitor. He didn't think the man was behind it, he just didn't want to hear the old windbag go on and on about the loss for the rest of his life. He was enjoying leaving Mustang hanging, but he had better things to do so he wrapped this up. He could always toy with the man again when he filed his report. "The gold reserves are still safe thanks to you so in comparison to a financial collapse and great depression, I suppose I should be thankful it wasn't worse."

Roy held his breath, it sounded like Bradley was getting ready to announce his decision.

"Well I expect a full report on my desk tomorrow." Bradley walked over and looked down at Mustang who managed to always be in the wrong place at the right time. "I also expect you to start cleaning up this mess immediately."

Roy swallowed hard. "Yes, sir."

"Repair the structure, make sure this bank is ready to do business again in the morning. Even if it takes you all night." Bradley started to leave then turned to Mustang to see if he could catch a glimpse of the man's reactions on his face or not. No such luck. "By the way, I was going to stop by the Academy today to give a speech to the cadets and talk to you about the West City branch. I promoted Frank Archer, he's now in charge since Lt. Colonel Whitman is more interested in starting a war than preventing one. Apparently a good decision on my part since you seem to have problems controlling the people directly under your command as it is. This destruction, Colonel, will go on your permanent record."

"I understand,sir."

"So perhaps you can get your grandfather-in-law to drop his personal campaign to get you promoted." Bradley paused and scrutinized Mustang again. Still nothing. "I can assure you, until I see you exhibiting better control of your  _small_  team of subordinates a promotion is not going to be in your future any time soon. General Grand will be expecting a report on the damage immediately, so you should put your team to work while you report to him."

"Understood, sir." Roy saluted and watched the Fuhrer leave, stepping over some pile of half-burned drapes on his way out. He let long breath escape, not realizing he had been holding it for so long. Of course Bradley was going to be the easy one to deal with, next he'd have to hear Grand berate him as he answered for the alchemic destruction. He looked around and momentarily debated on his next step, then looked to the doorway as Breda and Havoc came in to see if they still had him as a boss. He walked over to them and kept his voice low, "Get everyone in here now, we're robbing this bank tonight."

Breda blinked and Havoc let his cigarette fall from his lips. They both looked at each other as Mustang walked out of the building. They watched him through the now uncovered windows as he went outside with a smile on for his wife, kissed her and picked up his puppy to fawn over the dog again. Havoc shook his head. "Did he plan this..."

"He couldn't have." Breda shook his head as he watched Mustang spin around with his dog raised above his head, that look of childish glee on his face as Riza smiled at him like she was proud of the guy who just destroyed her workplace. "He didn't have the foresight to not jump off the roof across the street, how the hell could he...mastermind a bank robbery as another one was in progress?"

"He's either lucky or brilliant, I'm just glad we're on his side."

* * *

Roy gave his wife another relieved smile. "So, it looks like I still have a job. Renovation duty, but for now I'm still employed. Destroyed my chances at a promotion though and I will have to stay all night and clean it up."

Riza watched the Fuhrer return to his car and get in. She honestly couldn't believe Roy emerged unscathed from this disaster. Alchemists really were given as many free passes as possible. She returned her eyes to Roy who was lifting Hayate up above his head and telling him what a brave puppy he had been today. After everything Roy had told her this weekend, she shouldn't have been surprised. He was, after all, Amestris's greatest weapon and Bradley wasn't going to let him go. Roy could have destroyed the gold reserves in the basement and still would have still walked out with his job. "Well, we need to talk about why you jumped off a roof later."

"To save Ed." Roy replied and lowered Hayate so he could hold his puppy against his chest. The dog started to chew on the ornamental gold braid on his shoulder as he pet him.

Riza put her thumb in the pup's mouth to warn him that that was not a chew toy. Roy was a horrible dog trainer. "Ed says that you broke his arm when you fell on him."

Roy looked around Riza and saw the kid trying to fuss with his arm while talking to his brother. He didn't have time for that nonsense. "I wish I broke it sooner so I wouldn't have to spend all night removing the Modern Art from the bank lobby."

"I'm glad you're safe." She said and wondered what the hell they all got in the way of today. As she chased the robbers through the streets with Rebecca and Jean, she knew there was another contingent of villains that they hadn't considered. Riza had never seen anything like it in her entire life. The criminals that Greed had identified as Martel, Dorcello and Roa were part special forces and part animal. There was no other explanation for it. They split up and somehow managed to disappear in the alleyways and parking lots of the financial district. These people weren't enemy spies, they were something else entirely. Good thing Roy was working all night, she and her partner had work to do.

"Colonel?" Havoc said and cleared his throat. "Looks like I've been assigned to help with your renovations tonight. Maybe you can give Lieutenant Breda and I a rundown of what you need so we can start getting supplies and trucks you need?"

Riza gave Jean a smile as her husband handed her the puppy back. "Jean, were you here to take Rebecca to lunch?"

Havoc grinned. "Yeah, Breda and I were going to some great sandwich place he was going on and on about. Thought she'd like to come with us."

Roy was glad he came up with that lie before everyone started asking questions. It was bad enough he and Ed were there, but explaining the others was going to be difficult. So they went with 'coincidence' and left it with that. Why else would he have a team of people who happened to be in the same place as him when a bank robbery was taking place? Professor Mustang was barely important enough to get a reserved parking space. "OK, well let's get you guys started."

Havoc walked back to the bank with him and grunted. "I hate lying to Becky."

Roy didn't say anything as he walked into the bank and Breda stood there with Zane as the other alchemist tried to explain who he was trying to electrocute. Roy just started talking, he didn't have time for pleasantries. "We're robbing this bank tonight Zane, I need a train to get this gold out of the city. Do you have one you can get to the Main Street Depot on short notice?"

Zane cocked an eyebrow. Well wasn't it convenient he happened to have  _The General_  sitting around not doing anything. However the old engine had limited coverage as it still ran on a smaller scale track than the modern trains. "Do you know where we are going with it?"

Roy hated to admit he didn't have a damned clue. It went against every fiber of his being as an officer to show he wasn't omnipotent. "To be determined."

"So you don't know?" Zane asked skeptically.

"I have no idea how to get the gold out of the bank  _to_  the train." Roy finally just gave in and shrugged. "It can go circle around Amestris all day long for all I care at this point, it just needs to get the hell out of here for now."

"OK. I'll have her ready." He nodded. "But Colonel..."

"Not now Zane. Just go get the train." Roy said quietly. "Whatever else it is can wait."

"Ok, but that guy Barry..."

"Trust me, I know." Roy waved dismissively. "You don't need to explain to me why you tried to kill him. I tried to kill him Saturday night."

"Really?" Zane said. He knew about Barry!?

"We don't have time to talk about it." Roy sighed. "I have to go listen to Grand scream at me for a little while, then I'll be back. You need to get me a train and enough cars to transport the entire gold reserves of this country out of those vaults below the bank. Can you do that?"

"Yes." Zane said and looked at the spot where he had tried to kill Barry for the second time. How did Roy know about him? Why wasn't he more concerned?

"Hey Roy!" Maes waved as he walked in and saw his best friend standing in the mess in the bank lobby. "Damn. Glad I missed this catastrophe. How the hell do you still have a job?"

"Well, might not have to worry about that for too much longer." Roy sighed and ran his hand through his hair as Zane walked out of the bank deep in thought. "We're robbing the bank tonight."

Maes chuckled and then the laugh faded when he saw Roy was serious. "Shit."

"On top of the obvious threat." Roy looked out the window at the sidewalk where the Elrics were. "The bank robbers stole our car."

"I think on the scale of things, that's not exactly our biggest problem." Maes stepped back as some plaster fell and almost hit him.

"The car with Zane's notes and the maps of the and sewer system in the back seat." Breda added and hung his head. "Blueprints too."

"Ah." Maes said and couldn't really say much more. "This is a bona fide disaster."

"Well even with the setbacks, we still have a huge opportunity here." Roy replied.

"For what?" Maes scoffed. "Our execution?"

"The Fuhrer ordered me to repair the bank, work all night if we have to, so we have every excuse to be here and have trucks moving in and out. Whitman also shut down the this section of the city trying to kill Barry and I almost want to kiss him for it." Roy explained.

"Well, don't be surprised when he kisses you back." Hughes snorted. "Who is Barry?"

"Weird guy who is infatuated with my wife. I had a rough weekend." Roy replied.

"When do you have the time for all this?" Maes looked at the weird marble rib cage and cocked his head. What in the hell was that for?

"Anyhow, thanks to Zane all the businesses around here are closed due to the power outage. Right now I have him working on getting me a train so we can get the gold out of Central. I don't want Ed involved in this but I need the kid. The hardest part is going to be figuring out how to make the gold mobile. We have literal  _tons_  of it down in those vaults and no idea how to get it to the train station. " Roy admitted and knew he should should a lot more confident when asking his men to commit treason, but he needed their input.

"What about getting into the vault? I'd hope our country wouldn't be so foolish to make it accessible via alchemy." Havoc asked.

"You'd be wrong." Roy snorted. "I went to 'inspect the damage' with the Fuhrer and it's main line of security is gates , armed guards and electrical security systems. Security now off line thanks to Zane destroying the backup generator."

"My God, is there anything you guys didn't ruin?" Maes asked.

"Maes, I need you here to take charge. Help keep the people distracted so our team can work." Roy instructed.

"Distracted?"

"Show them every damned picture you have." Roy couldn't believe this was an actual tactic he was employing, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

"OK, I am liking this plan. Go On." Maes felt in his pocket for his pictures and smiled.

"I need to go to HQ to report to Grand." Roy groaned.

"Ouch."

"Yeah. At least I can zone out as he screams and insults me and come up with a tangible plan." Roy looked out at the Elrics as Ed leaned against his car. Clearly the kid thought he was done for the day. "I'm taking Ed, that way I can hash out our gold transport issue with him."

"Sure, why not get the fourteen year old involved in treason and disobeying one of only three laws alchemists must live by in this country?" Maes shrugged and watched Breda and Havoc nod in agreement.

"He performed human transmutation, toying with the molecular structure of gold is hardly worth batting an eye over. Besides if he clears this off his list he's pretty much hit a trifecta since he has yet to obey a damned order I have given him." Roy put his hands in his pockets as Hughes turned to look out the window with him.

"What's Al doing here?" Maes asked.

"Oh, yeah. You're getting stripped of your parent of the year award. Did you know Al was working at the bank? Riza hired him to work security at night." Roy queried.

"What? When?"

"What's Armstrong doing here?" Breda asked as he saw the Strong Arm Alchemist show up outside the window and spook the Elrics.

"Taking off his shit to make the amputee and armor bound soul feel better about themselves by flaunting his body at them." Maes chuckled. "It's like a circus around here. I have no idea how this country stays out of bankruptcy or manages to be intimidating when you alchemists do this stuff when you're together.  _Alchemists_ , god. A damned freak show when you guys are running around."

"On that note, I better get out of here. We only have until 9am tomorrow to get this bank 'fixed'." Roy sighed. Damn it was going to be a long week.

"Well Alex can stick around and provide a distraction as he beautifies the building for you guys." Hughes slapped Roy on the shoulder. "Good luck with Grand."

Roy looked over to Breda who was trying to come up with a list of everything that needed to be done to repair the building. "Lieutenant, how much do you remember from those plans?"

Breda still didn't want to look his boss in the eye. He couldn't believe he handed the information to the criminals along with the keys to the car."I've been studying them all morning. Falman will have probably memorized them, so we can have copies again as soon as he gets here."

"Good." Roy watched Alex flex and sparkle outside and thought about what he had available to work with here. "What kind of supply lines am I dealing with down there? There was a 12" diameter pipe and one that was 4" last time I was in the sewers. Do you know what they're for?"

"One should be steam pipes and the other sewage." Breda replied. Central boasted a unique steam system that delivered power, heating and cooling to residents from production plants on the outskirts of town. Apparently Mustang was planning to utilize another feature of having miles of steam pipe underneath the city.

"That's what I thought." Roy mumbled and counted how many city blocks he was going to have to travel to get to the station. Thankfully the depot was near the center of Old Town and the financial district was close to the center of what used to be the heart of Central. "The main lines must be some sort of steel alloy, I can't imagine they could maintain the steam through out such a large portion of the city without it being high temperature and high pressure. Find out what the composition of the pipes is."

Breda jotted that down on a separate piece of paper. Falman would enjoy this task.

"I also need you to locate the gas lines and find out what type of gas they're using. There should still be homes in this part of the city using gas lighting even if they've been converted to electric." Roy looked over his shoulder at them. "Hughes take command and start organizing the repairs. Breda, get down in the sewers and see if there is a direct route from this location to the Main Street depot and log any obstructions. Havoc, go flirt with your girlfriend and sell her on the lie that you were here to buy her a sandwich. I need to go get yelled at."

* * *

"You broke your arm." Al said sadly. "Again."

"Why didn't you tell me you were working at the bank?" Ed asked and his brother shrugged. He watched the half-naked Major Armstrong go over to hassle Zane about something. Apparently they knew each other pretty well because they were both ridiculously rich. He wasn't in the mood to ask what that guy's alchemy was, he was going to have hard enough time erasing the image of him ripping his shirt off from his mind.

"When? You didn't come home until Sunday." Al said quietly. "You're always out with your new alchemist friends."

"They're helping me with research. So we can get our bodies back." Ed heard that sad ping to Al's voice and knew his brother's feelings were hurt. "Look, that guy over there is the Lightning Alchemist and he took me to meet his teacher. The guy's weird, but did a ton of research on blood seals."

"Really?" Al asked. "Did he have automail too?"

"No." Ed cocked an eyebrow. "Why would you ask that?"

"Then what did he lose?" Al said simply. "If he's an authority on blood seals, wouldn't he have actually had to bond something to an object. You weren't able to do that without losing a limb."

Ed's mouth hung open and stared at his brother. "No...they bound the soul before it left this world. So, they wouldn't have to pay a toll like I did. The soul didn't pass through the gate."

"Oh." Al nodded. "Like Barry."

"Who is Barry?" Ed asked.

"I made a friend too." Al said softly. He wasn't sure what to make of this information. The guy who shut down the whole neighborhood with his alchemy also tried to electrocute Barry. Barry his new friend, if you could call him that, and Ed's new friend apparently didn't get along that well. "OK, I guess we can talk on this later."

"Uh, well. I sort of have to help clean up the mess. " Ed gave him an apologetic smile. "Stay all night and help."

"What's wrong with your arm?" Roy asked as he walked to his car and watched Ed try and reattach a panel of his automail.

"I broke it when you fell on me." Ed grumbled.

"Sorry, brother." Al replied as he knew it was his doing. He let go of the Colonel to avoid having a screaming match between the two alchemists when Ed demanded to be let go. He wasn't sure the robbers weren't coming back and he didn't want Ed broadcasting their location so they could start shooting at them. Now, of course, Ed would tell Winry it was not his fault that he broke his automail again. Chicken.

" _I_ broke your arm?" Roy asked. He didn't seem to be in any pain and Ed was notoriously dramatic.

"My automail." Ed grumbled and pushed his sleeve up to show him. He was tired of repeating himself. "Look, I'll just call my mechanic later. I can still use it, just probably not to fight with."

Roy watched Ed fuss with it and then opened the car, rifled through the glove box and pulled out some duct tape. He went over to the boy, wrapped a piece around the flopping part of his automail and tore the tape. "Good as new."

Ed started at the gooey tape taint Winry's automail and said nothing.

"What?" Roy asked as he tossed the tape back in the car.

"You do understand that doesn't fix anything." Ed gasped. "And my mechanic is going to  _kill me_  for getting glue on her damned custom piece!"

"Well it stops it from rattling." Roy pulled out his keys. "Lets go to Central Command. I need to report to Basque Grand and you need your paycheck. Then we have to come back here and repair the bank."

"Can you use help?" Al asked. "I can help too!"

"That would be great Al." Roy said with a smile and Ed stood there not moving.

"My paycheck?" Ed looked at the bank and then back at Mustang. "Bank's closed. You broke it too."

"Just get in the damned car." Roy said and rolled his eyes. "I'm too busy to keep driving you all over the place and I have to go there anyhow."

Ed glared at him. After years of taking care of themselves, he and Al were suddenly being smothered by the paternal care of both Hughes and Mustang. He had to admit it was nice to have their help, and it's not like Mustang was coddling him, but it didn't mean he appreciated being ordered around. Hell it was Mustang's fault he was even here in the first place! His little brother was supposed to be safe at home instead of at some bank working, instead he had a damned job and was in danger of being in a robbed bank! "Listen Mustang..."

"Car. Now." Roy snapped. "Major Elric."

Ed clenched his fists. That son of a bitch was going to get an earful right after his arrogant ass hit the seat of the car! So he got in and waited until Mustang closed his door and started the car. "Listen asshole..."

"Ed!" Roy didn't have time for this. "Later. We're robbing the bank tonight and I need to figure out how."

"What!?"

"Do you remember your first assignment? In the sewers?" Roy asked.

"Like it was last week."

"It  _was_  last week." Roy groaned. "Do you remember the layout of the sewers. The pipes and composition? All the gas, steam and water lines?"

"Uh..." Ed clenched his eyes shut as Mustang drove on the sidewalk to get around stopped traffic.

"Yes or no?" Roy said and looked over at the kid. "You're a earth and metal alchemist, you should have noticed the pipes to catalog what materials you had at your disposal."

"Well I was busy trying to not get shot while criticizing my recent life altering choices." Ed growled. "Watch where you're going!"

Roy jerked the wheel to go around a hydrant and then tapped his fingers on it. "Seriously kid, I see why you have a hard time answering simple questions on my tests."

"YES!" Ed screamed. "Of course I did!"

"Next question. Can you combine those pipes so that there is a inner line inside of the big steam pipe?"

"Of course." Ed snorted. "Can you keep your eyes on the road before we die?"

"I need to melt the gold in the treasury and keep it liquid state so we can send it to the East Main Train station where our transport is. If we can use the gases in the steam pipe, I can keep a fire stoked through the entire line to keep the gold flowing. Does that sound like a plausible plan?"

"I guess if they're steam pipes than they'd be able to hold that kind of pressure." Ed thought about it. "But gold has a high melting point, you'd probably burn up everything around those pipes before it got to it's destination.

"We're running the pipes down the sewer, in the sewer water to keep it cooler."

"You're either brilliant or an evil genius." Ed said after considering it.

"How do you know I'm not really robbing the country with your help?" Roy couldn't help but ask why a brilliant kid wouldn't question his motives.

"Because your training program allowed me to talk with the people who support you and I might be fooled by one person, but not this many." Ed said softly. "If you can figure out how to rob a bank in less than an hour, I suppose you wouldn't have such a hard time fixing the country."

"What exactly has my team been telling you?" Roy asked and swerved to avoid running over a mailbox.

* * *

Ed scrutinized the sign outside the door of the building. They were at Central Command to visit the Alchemy Corp offices and meet the head of the division, General Basque Grand. Considering everything Mustang had to get done before 9 am tomorrow, he asked why the hell this was so important. Ed found out another little bonus to being a State Alchemist was damage reports. Apparently every time something was damaged or destroyed by alchemy a report had to be filed and reviewed by the head of the division. Then the offender would be interviewed. It was a process put into effect to ensure that State Alchemists were considering the 'ramifications of their alchemy' and not just 'destroying shit for the hell of it'. He was sort of glad he had Mustang to summarize the bureaucratic mess for him as he really didn't want to read the official manual since he didn't even have enough time for schoolwork anymore. So he stared at the sign and when Mustang put his hand on the door beside him he read it aloud to get clarification. "No alchemy in the building."

Roy grunted a trasnlation. "Alchemists are all assholes."

"You're going to play that off as part of the job description?" Ed growled as he followed his supervisor into the building and they walked down the hall. He noticed some officers blush and giggle as Mustang passed, apparently fangirls came in all varieties in the military.

"Just don't do anything." Roy said. "No matter who insults you, just ignore them. If you lose your temper and destroy Grand's office he's going to drum you out of the service without so much as a second thought."

"Why do you think that I'm going to destroy shit?" Ed snorted as he walked faster to catch up with Mustang's long stride. "I'm not the one who practically leveled the bank."

Roy glanced at the kid's now broken and duct taped arm resting in his pocket. He wasn't going to get the kid riled up before they walked into the office. "Alchemists are all assholes."

Ed frowned as they stopped in front of an office with a small plaque denoting it as the Alchemy Division. He expected something grander, something that didn't just blend in with the rest of the offices in the hall. He followed Mustang and almost immediately eyes were upon them.

Roy glared at the miserable old alchemist who was leaning on the secretary's desk. Giolio Commanche was one of his least favorite people. He saw the old man immediately light up as Ed stepped into the room and he ignored him. He directed his attention to the secretary. "This is Fullmetal. He needs his paycheck and an automatic deposit form. I need to speak with General Grand about a mishap this morning."

"I'm sorry Colonel Mustang, the General is out for the rest of the afternoon doing a re-certification assessment." The secretary looked at the Flame Alchemist and sighed. What a sin he was married.

"Oh look." Commanche grinned as he looked them both over. "Half-breed and Half-pint make a whole alchemist. About time you showed up with your sidekick, Mustang!"

"Who are you calling short!?" Ed felt Mustang's hand on his shoulder. A squeeze told him to not take the bait.

"I forgot, you like your blonds outspoken and feisty." Commanche grinned.

"Who is the Monopoly guy?" Ed asked.

"Major Giolio Commanche, the Silver Alchemist!" The short peg-legged man came over and smiled. "So you're Flame's little uke."

Ed had no idea what that meant but Mustang shoved him over to the secretaries desk and stepped over to look down at Commanche. What the hell was a uke?

"Do you keep him around so you have a back up for when you're useless in the rain, Flame?" Commanche chuckled.

Roy hated the little old man. He remembered how happy he was to be heading off to war back in Ishval. "Jealous that he's taller than you and is  _Full_ Metal not just  _Silver_ Metal alchemist? Or maybe that you're still the same rank despite you being three years older than God?"

Ed smiled as the secretary handed him his paycheck and then he almost missed it as Mustang spun around and went to the door.

"I'll be back in the morning to file my report with the General. Thank you." Roy pushed the door open and left, Ed darted out the door after him.

"So, assholes huh?" Ed said and turned around as he heard a weird echo in the hall. The peg-legged old dude was following them.

Commanche followed Mustang and his little dog down the hall. "What's this I hear about you trying to kiss ass and use your grandfather-in-law's influence to get a promotion?"

"I'm trying to kiss ass and use my in-law's influence to get a promotion." Roy said smoothly without slowing. He opened the exit door and held it for Ed, then let it slam shut before Commanche could get there.

Commanche cackled as he opened the door and stood on the steps. "They'll never let some mixed breed mutt like yourself make General!"

"Who the hell is this guy?" Ed asked.

Roy finally stopped, felt in his pocket for his glove and then casually asked,"Is that leg of yours still wood?"

"I'm old fashioned." Commanche said and knocked his fist against the peg leg.

"You're just  _old_." Roy said and snapped, the other alchemist's leg burst into flames as the wood was consumed by the fire and the old man flopped over onto the ground.

Ed walked over. "I thought you said no alchemy..."

"No I said all alchemists were assholes and no alchemy  _in the building_. " Roy turned and walked away.

Ed ran after him as Commanche tried to put the fire consuming his pant leg out. "What the hell was that about?"

"What part?"

"Why does he keep calling you mutt and half breed?"

Roy turned and looked at him. "You never noticed I have Xingese features?"

"I don't stare at you in class and study your features like the rest of your students." Ed said dryly. "I stare at you with bitterness and frustration wishing you'd finally give me something worth studying."

Roy shrugged. "Some of the older people as well as the higher class people tend to look down on me because I am not what they consider true Amestrian stock.

"Oh." Ed didn't realize that Mustang had to deal with racism. "I didn't know."

"There are a lot of things that we wish would go away but unfortunately you just can't change a mindset that was taught. That old buzzard is part of the generation who wanted to wipe the Ishvalians off the face of the earth because they were different. They looked different, they worshiped different and they lived differently. The same people who think I'm not a real Amestrian because my mother was Xingese and that women officers are not as capable as men are. It's a mindset that can only be erased by death, because it is what they believe to be true. They live in the past and not the future. Ed, he's the past, you're the future."

"So what's a uke?"

Roy snorted. "Let's just say in his day, all the other Romans found delight in the companionship of boys as well."

Ed watched him take another step towards the car before realizing what he meant. "Oh My God! That disgusting old man!"

"He's trying to make you look bad in front of General Grand. " Roy explained. "He thinks you're too young, hates that you're young actually. He's probably already told the General that 'Young people don't have the maturity to accept the responsibility for their power and will abuse it.' He will try to get you to destroy the offices or endanger someone. "

Ed didn't really want to mention that Mustang did just destroy the bank with his team. "Sounds like something you've heard before."

"Before you came along, I was the youngest state alchemist to be certified." Roy opened his car door. "He loathed me then and tried to prove I wasn't capable of handling my job. Now that I brought you into the Corps, he's even more pissed about it. Just be careful, looks are deceiving."

Ed stood there for a moment as Mustang started the car. Yeah, maybe he could see him in charge of the country. He couldn't believe he was helping his lazy ass professor commit treason. He couldn't believe Mustang could really come up with some plan like this at the spur of the moment, talk about deceiving. So he got in the car and closed the door. "Let's go rob a bank."

* * *

 _AN:_ The steam system is modeled on NYC's version.  _The General_ is a Civil War era locomotive, the subject of the Great Locomotive Chase.

Weekly updates were apparently a little ambitious, probably the best I can manage is once a month. I appreciate you patience with updates as this is a bit of a plot monster that has to be reined in. I definitely appreciate the feedback, reviews, favs and follows. Thank you for reading!


	14. There is Always Room For Dessert

_Covert Affairs_

Chapter 14

**There is Always Room for Dessert**

* * *

Frank Archer had just finished reorganizing his new desk when the phone rang. He wasn't sure if he should make Whitman answer it for him or savor the sound of saying his new title out loud. He chose the later. "Colonel Frank Archer speaking."

" _Hmmm...well I guess I called the wrong extension. Can you patch me through to Colonel Whitman?"_

Archer brustled with indignation as Whitman smirked over at her desk. The office was silent as could be as she was being as professional as possible today. Only the sound of her pen scratching filling out forms could be heard and the voice over the phone carried loud enough for her to hear. " _Lieutenant_  Colonel Whitman no longer is in charge of this office. Identify yourself."

" _Solf J. Kimblee. I'm calling for my lunchtime phone sex."_

Haley wanted to laugh and she hated that she found Kimblee so amusing. Phone sex was apparently becoming an epidemic in the military according to several communications from HR. Memos had been sent out explaining the issue and explained why it was the reason phones were tapped. Nobody bought that line and some people enjoyed bringing it up in conversation just to see if someone  _was_  listening. It was nice to know that communication channels were still open to Central, though she didn't know if she'd be able to talk dirty to Roy or Maes without laughing. She lifted her eyes and looked at Archer who seemed to be frozen in his seat, unsure how to process that information. "Sir, I'll take the call in the other office if you would just transfer to extension 442."

Archer had no idea how to transfer the call but he wasn't going to admit that. West City's phone system was different than Central's. "No. You put a stop to this violation of military time and utilities now. I will not have this filth traced to  _my_ desk."

He thrust the phone out for her and they both heard Kimblee cackle. " _You think that's the only filthy thing that's happened on that desk?"_

She stood and took the phone, standing at attention and trying to not grin. "Sorry, stud. Looks like our ritual will have to come to an end."

" _Awww. Well at least stay on the phone and talk so I have something to jack off to? Can you tell me what you're wearing?"_

"End the call now." Archer snapped.

" _Tell me what he's wearing."_

"A look that says 'I'm going to die young from too much stress in my life.'" She grinned at the Colonel who was turning red and cleared her throat. "Don't think he's your type Solf."

" _How about...you think about my hands on your boobs and a little explode-y in your pants?"_

"How about you think about my my finger...on the trigger and explode-y your brains on the wall?" Haley replied and heard a heavy sigh.

" _Eh, no fun. So, let's talk about current events instead!"_

"Maybe you're calling the wrong Whitman. My brother Sam is the political one. I'm sure with his broken arm he's going to need to do it in person though. Doubt he wants that secretary of his holding the phone for him when all he talks about is eating people." Haley shook her head. That secretary answered every question with 'Can I eat it?' and 'Ooohhh, I bet he's yummy', and actually made her feel sorry for her older brother.

" _Oh like Lieutenant Breda?_ " Kimblee snorted and heard her silence.  _"To be honest, I want to talk about your brother. The other one though. He tried to electrocute someone today and shut down half the city instead. Ha! Basque Grand is going to make him cry when he goes in to answer for it!"_

"He did what?" Haley's mood changed and she hung on his next words.

" _Oh, something happened down at the bank that involved Mustang setting it on fire, Elric doing arts and crafts and Zane overloading the power grid while trying to electrocute a cosplayer. I believe the official word is that they stopped a bank robbery. I'm about to go down there and check it out. Somehow Mustang still has a job, but I want to see this before they fix it. I'll take pictures."_

She stared across the room and focused on the filing cabinet while digesting Kimblee's words. Someone tried to attack her baby brother, someone that upset him enough to make him want to use his alchemy attack in defense. "Who attacked him?"

" _Don't know. All I heard was the general damage control statement of how our heroes saved the bank while destroying it and half the town. Want me to relay anything to him when I go down there? No kisses, I don't need him latching on to me instead of Mustang."_

"I'll be there tonight." Haley said firmly and head Archer's snort of defiance.

" _Ok, see you soon baby!"_

She slammed the phone down and Archer opened his mouth to tell her she would do nothing of the sort. "Colonel, I'm requesting some personal days to go to Central and check on my brother."

"Denied." Archer said with a satisfied smile.

"You may want to reconsider."

"Or what?" Archer asked and pulled over a fresh sheet of paper so he could write down the threat verbatim.

"Or you're going to be answering to the Fuhrer personally about why the Lightning Alchemist is in Central when he's under  _your_  command now. He's been attacked and we both know how precious our alchemists are and how we must protect them at all costs."

Archer held his pen over the paper and ground his teeth. By God, the bitch was going to do it to him again.

"In addition, since you haven't had the joy of taking care of a State Alchemist before, let me tell you what you have to look forward to. They're mentally fragile, they're all psychologically balanced on a the edge of semi-functional and insanity. It's an occupational hazard if you will, it's how their brains work. They're able to control elements and energy at the cost of fracturing their minds. They're delicate, destructive and detrimental to your career if you let one fall apart under your watch."

"They're weapons."

"They're _human_ weapons. The weapon use makes the human part unstable. They need petting, coddling and attention. You remember how many broke under pressure in Ishval? It was worse than any shell shocked soldier wasn't it? Well one of those precious weapons is my baby brother and he's already had one breakdown and another will destroy him. So if you don't sign off on my damned request, you might as well just clean out your new desk and start preparing to explain why your weapon is in a different town and crying in the corner."

Unfortunately she was right. The alchemists were a great resource to have at your disposal, but so high maintenance. He looked up at her and cleared his throat. "You will go to Central and you bring the Major back safely."

"Yes, Colonel."

Archer swallowed hard as she went to the filing cabinet to pull out the necessary paperwork. So far his first day sucked. He didn't have a clue how to get her under his thumb without having her squirm out and sting him in the process. Mustang still pulled the strings in this office, even if it was through a subordinate. He was going to have to figure out a way to snip those strings and take control. Luckily it seemed like Zane Whitman was the his sister's Achilles heel and she was going to personally deliver him into his lap. Then he was going to start changing things around here and focus on impressing the Fuhrer. Especially if what he just overheard was true. Did Mustang really just help destroy the bank?

* * *

Rebecca was still struggling to get her mind around this day. In the history of the First Amestris Bank, there were only about five instances of attempted bank robbery. Most were back in the days of dirt roads through town and robbers with single action revolvers. Today's attempt rattled her, and not because they were present during armed robbery. That was the least of her concerns as it seemed like her life revolved around espionage and murder all too often these days.

What bothered her was they they had  _no_  intel regarding the attempted robbery. Nothing. They were working for Amestris's Intelligence Agency and were completely blindsided by this. No rumors. No intelligence whatsoever on a guy named Greed and his crew of skilled ex-military people who were operating in this city. Riza didn't have to voice all her concerns earlier, she had seen the unbelievable abilities of those people with her own eyes. So if the country's top spies had no idea this was even plausible, then where they hell did they really stand?

Now the second problem she had was with a little thing called coincidence. She really didn't believe in it at all. So when Riza's husband showed up she almost wrote it off as just Roy's bad luck. The guy was having one hell of a bad week and she wasn't surprised he'd go and walk in on a bank robbery. She was a little surprised at how quickly he walked into the middle of it, but he was a war hero and it was nice to find out that Roy was the genuine article. She trusted her best friend and knew Riza wouldn't marry some fraud, but it was another thing to see the guy in action. Granted he ruined it by soaking himself and rendering his alchemy useless, but it ended well.

What irked her was that her own boyfriend showed up just at the same time the bank was being robbed. Jean was allegedly there to take her to lunch which was really sweet since their time together had been

lacking as of late. Breda's presence corroborated his story since he was always in the mood for a sandwich. It was just weird that he would show up at  _that_  specific time to go out for lunch. It just was too much coincidence in one sitting to swallow.

Something else just didn't sit right with her. Currently the bank was crawling with military personnel under the command of an academy professor as they repaired the damage. Yes, Roy was a Colonel and also the main reason the building was in ruins, but you'd think he'd be rusty on commanding a team like this. He and Jean were friends, but it was a long way from being a well honed team. What was happening in that bank was far from being awkward and making due with resources. Perhaps it was that he did his job so well, that people instantly allowed him to take command and he did so very effectively. So the question was, what the hell was a guy like him doing being a shitty teacher at the academy? Riza had said he had issues from Ishval, which was true of so many that had come home from that war. However, the military was not  _that_  nice and wouldn't allow an officer like him to simply coast through the rest of his career on a swivel chair at the military academy.

Rebecca shook it off. It was all something they could talk about later. Right now the most pressing issue was the note in her hand from General Armstrong. Apparently Olivier did some recruiting of her own this weekend and brought in her brother to their rapidly expanding team. Motives there were clear as day, but she wasn't going to complain about having an alchemist on the team. Al was great, but she didn't feel as good about sending a kid into battle as say...Roy Mustang did.

So she went into the Xingese restaurant and waited in line. Their notes were sent back in forth in Xingese and they had a translator they employed for this purpose. She needed to verify Olivier recruited her brother and then return back to headquarters to brief the new guy on everything and brainstorm. She stepped up to the counter and filled out an order form, slipping the note into it. Then as it was her turn she pushed the form to the young girl at the register. "Is the Emperor's special on the menu today?"

Lan Fan nodded and took the menu. It had been a while since they received information and she was glad to see a development. "Yes, ma'am. It will be a few minutes. Please wait and I will have the order out soon."

Well that was good, Ling Yao was here and she could get this decoded quickly. Rebecca wondered if Ling Yao was ever  _not here_. He was employed at the restaurant but she couldn't figure out what he did. As far as she could determine he was the garbage disposal. Every time she saw him he was shoveling food in his mouth and purposely screwing up orders so he could have the food to eat. If there was ever a time she stopped in here and didn't hear him say "Oh, sorry, no speaky your language." to some irate customer she would be shocked. Why people ordered from this restaurant was beyond her.

Lan Fan ducked behind the curtain to the kitchen and clipped the menu on the order board, then proceeded to go to the back room where Ling Yao was enjoying some food he ordered wrong. "Young lord, a message."

Ling grinned. Finally a message from Fu! The Amestrians were hard pressed to come up with a code to pass simple notes back and forth, so they recruited the local Xingese to do it for them. He used an old dialect, one that even individuals fluent in Xingese would find difficult to translate. In a language where symbols had so many different meanings, the regional dialects often sabotaged efforts to make sense of them. So he picked a dialect he knew well because of his bodyguard and her grandfather Fu. The small village they were from utilized an ancient vernacular and it was perfect for his cause. "What kind of food did they order?"

"Young lord." Lan Fan scolded and he looked up at her hopefully.

"I don't do this for free!"

"You have time, Chef is six orders deep." Lan Fan's shoulders slumped hoping he'd learn his priorities someday.

Ling looked at the note. The first part was the real message from Ice Queen to Hawkeye. Their spy team was getting her little brother as a new recruit! That was cool. One more person to order food for! The next part was the message from Fu about everything going on up North. He missed the old guy but right now there seemed to be some serious shit going down in Amestris that he needed to keep track of. He was getting close to these rumors of a philosopher's stone and he thought that's what Drachma was really after. "So the information we've been intercepting between Amestris and Drachma, is not all about fruitcake and fanfiction porn. Fu says the problems up North are getting worse."

Lan Fan wished he would do more than read that fanfiction and eat mis-ordered take-out. Their nightly recon missions were yielding very little results and the young lord was on a schedule. His father wasn't going to be dying forever, eventually he'd just be dead. They had been following some criminal name Greed who had a bizarre energy about him and knew this mornings bank robbery was going to happen. They hoped the robbery would fail so they could visit him in jail, but not enough to compromise their cover. Unfortunately, the Amestrians let him escape. Ling seemed to want to let things play out, he was getting wrapped up in the odd espionage games that were going on and losing focus on the big picture. "Young lord, perhaps we should initiate contact with Greed."

"Nah." He muttered. "I wanted to see what he was capable of before we did that. We were right, his people aren't human and he's not one either. He's kept himself a secret for this long, I don't want him to disappear now. When we find out what he is, we'll act fast. For now, we'll wait and let our allies determine what exactly he is. He's in the spotlight now, they'll start digging into their own government's projects to figure out exactly what they just tangled with. Let them. They're the best spies in the country, they'll find out a lot more than we will."

"Yes sir." She bowed and wondered if he really considered his employer an 'ally'. She didn't want to get involved in the problems of Xing's aggressive neighbor to the West, but Ling seemed to eat it up like those radio soap operas he listened to.

"Lan Fan?

"Young lord?

"That menu please." He grinned.

* * *

The car ride back to the bank was quiet and Ed finally had a chance to digest everything that had happened in the last week. He could tell Mustang was busy thinking, the man had been overly nice to him and he suspected that the reason he made him tag along was so he'd have a distraction if he needed it. Telling him to behave and then walking in to that room with that miserable old bastard...well it felt like a set up. Surely if that Commanche guy said something racist while Mustang was getting yelled at, there would have been no other option than beating his ass. It went back to what everyone was trying to make him see, that Mustang had an ability to multi-task and plan out everything so far ahead. Probably why they all had so much confidence in this plan to rob the bank. He couldn't believe they were actually going to rob the damned bank or that so many people had no problem helping him do it.

Roy parked the car and jumped out, mind focused on delegating and getting things rolling as quickly as possible. He wasted so much time reporting to a damned General who wasn't even in his office! He could count on Hughes to get things started and organize the people at their disposal. The trick was going to be in running two separate teams; one that consisted of people repairing the bank and another of those robbing it. He walked into the lobby and saw Alex Armstrong holding up fabric samples against the wall and sparkling while he did it. Then his eyes focused on the slender individual in white sitting on the teller's desk. "What are you doing here?"

"There is a 'me' in team, Mustang." Kimblee smiled and chuckled as he looked around. "I had to see for myself what you crazy kids did on lunch break. How exactly do you still have a job?"

"Go back to work." Roy snapped. He didn't need him here, Kimblee with his mischievous shit stirring would ruin everything! Hell his  _being here_  was a red flag! How was he going to explain to Alex why this asshole was here? Why would some bomb tech alchemist be interacting with a academy professor? Why didn't this man have to be such a instigator!?

"Are you sure you don't need me to finish demolishing the place for you?" Solf asked.

"No." Roy growled.

Alex turned and walked over to the Colonel. He needed to get to the meeting with Mrs. Mustang and Miss Catalina, he was sure they would have had that note from Olivier translated by now. He so desperately wanted to help, especially now that he saw first hand what they were up against! "I have picked out the most aesthetically pleasing colors for the remodel. If you don't mind, I'll need to go buy the fabric and get some more paintings from my parent's attic to replace the ones that were ruined.."

"Excellent." Maes slapped him on the back as he emerged from the offices. " That would be a blessing Major! I don't know what we would do without you!"

Ed walked in and cringed when he saw the alchemist from earlier, still shirtless. "Maybe you can get a replacement jacket."

"Yes!" Alex boomed. "And snacks!"

"Perfect." Hughes grinned. "See you in a few hours?"

"So Breda..." Kimblee said and tapped his fingers on the desk after Armstrong left and Team Mustang all came out of the woodwork. They had been hiding in the office plotting and scheming while others milled about the bank. He grinned at the Lieutenant as he put a map on the counter. "Did it ever occur to you that you're the one the Whitmans are grooming to be the next champion of their cause? That you're the back up plan if Mustang should say... fuck up his career by destroying the country's gold reserves? Top of your class...probably about the only reason I can rationalize Haley getting on top of you."

Breda stared at him. "Hey Zane, why don't you show us that little electrocution technique of yours."

"We are not grooming him for anything!" Zane said and looked around to make sure nobody else was in the bank. Why did he always have to push everyone's buttons!

"Not even your sister's groom right? Cause that would be counter productive to your goals. Getting her disowned for marrying below her." Kimblee swung his legs leisurely, as if they weren't all trying to get on with whatever they were planning. Damn he was curious and with tensions high he was sure he could get someone to slip up right now. He really wanted to know what the hell was going on.

"Solf, I already set this bank on fire. I have no problem doing it again and melting your corpse into the floor." Roy said icily.

"Tch." Kimblee jumped off the counter. "I was just offering to help. By the way, I called my girlfriend for some phone sex this afternoon and told her about this little fiasco."

"Why the hell would you do that?" Breda asked.

"Why not?" Solf said. "Wait. Were you asking about the phone sex or telling her about you idiots destroying the bank?"

"You're dismissed Kimblee." Roy said sharply. "Why don't you give the Fuhrer's office a call. I hear his new secretary Miss Douglas is kinky enough to break a man's hand while engaging in office sex. I bet the phone conversations would be wild."

"This is why I don't like you." Solf snorted and glared at Mustang.

"This is why everyone hates you." Breda mumbled as Kimblee sauntered out of the bank whistling 'Somewhere over the Rainbow'.

Hughes rubbed his neck. "Don't let him back in here."

"Agreed." Roy looked at his best friend and waited for his report.

"Bank employees went home for the day. We have my people, Ross and Brosh, stationed as manned security in the vault. Fuery has been working on placing bugs up here so we can monitor all progress on the renovation from down below. I'll head up the renovation team, which will be Alex and Al and whoever you can free up from your team. I already informed them we're concerned with structural damage from the water down below and are going to ensure that it doesn't compromise the building or the safe deposit boxes. Falman is in your wife's office with the new maps of the utilities and I just called to have the steam lines turned off because of an emergency break. Breda has the route mapped out for your journey to the train depot."

"I have the train ready." Zane said with a smile. "However it is my sister's precious vintage historical train and if she's on her way..."

"I'll handle her." Roy said confidently.

"See...I did some calculations and if the country's entire wealth is in that vault than it's going to be way too much weight for that train to pull or at least move from a stand still." Zane said softly. "This is why it's semi-retired and pulling people around town and not comparable with the diesel electric trains I am replacing it with. But you can't have one of those because I have to share the lines with Central Rail. I can't just take a joy ride without a trip being scheduled to avoid a wreck. Your going to have to use  _The General_."

Roy hated working with Zane because he liked to report everything and not just do it. He closed his eyes and felt a headache coming on, he didn't have time to learn about locomotives. "So what are you telling me Zane."

"I said _if_  the country's entire worth was in those vaults." Zane said and shook his head. "It's not. I quickly inventoried the vault, calculated the tonnage and compared it to what out last net worth was reported as. It doesn't add up. There is some serious overspending going on, enough that a run on the bank tomorrow would do more damage than those robbers taking the money."

Roy cursed in Xingese and slammed his fist down on the counter. There was something else he had to deal with, quelling fears over the attack on the bank with the public. Later. Right now he had to focus on what the logistics officer was telling him. "What about the train, Zane? Can it pull what we have out of the depot and somewhere safe?"

"We might need to give her a push and...also might have some issues stopping her. Yes, I think it will work. The General runs on a smaller scale track than anything else, so the lines are exclusive to her. The only thing is, that I can not run her out of town before 6am. Noise ordinance, tons of fines, lots of seriously pissed people that a steam engine is rolling through downtown prior to that hour. It would send up red flags if I did that."

"OK, we'll need all night anyhow."

"Let's get behind locked doors and I'll explain what we're doing." Roy went into his wife's office and went to her desk. He smiled as he saw the picture of them and then focused on the map Falman was sketching. He quickly read everything that his team had put together for him, from the types of gas to the composition of the pipes and the route they would need to take to get to the Depot. He grinned. They were actually going to pull this off.

* * *

May Chang went to turn on the steam and the pipes just hissed and creaked in reply. She frowned and went to the front of the shop to report that the tool she needed to do her job was not functioning. She sighed and shook her head, what a life for a princess! Some stereotypical Xingese job in Central City was exactly what she needed to be able to search for what she needed undetected, but it still sucked.

"Oh May, the utilities people called. They said the steam was being shut off because of some main line break down near old town. It had to do with the problem at the bank today." Miss Kale informed her.

"Problem at the bank?" May queried.

"You didn't hear? The bank was almost robbed! I bet it has something to do with all those terrorists!"

May nodded and went back to the cleaning room at the Grand Hotel. She went to the back and let Shao Mei out of the closet and sat down. Right now she needed to determine exactly what her next course of action was going to be.

When she arrived in Central, it became apparent that she wasn't going to be able to go undetected very long. She was Xingese, dressed in customary clothes and had a 'cute cat' on her shoulder. They noticed her and that wasn't going to do. So she took a job at the Grand Hotel in order to blend in and the people of the city accepted that she was one of the immigrants. Then they stopped noticing her, when she was doing some low paying job they expected her to.

Initially she was furious, but then she realized what a good position she was in. The Grand Hotel was situated in the heart of Central City in the part they called 'Old Town'. It was just that, an old 'grand hotel' that was prestigious and gorgeous. All visiting dignitaries and important people stayed here and it was a great place to go unnoticed. Military officials stayed here and were visited by 'escorts' and spilled all kinds of information. The halls of Central Command kept secrets shut away and scared people into silence, the beds of the Grand Hotel let those secrets spill out once the doors were shut.

So it was a good place to be, even if it was less than ideal. She looked over at the steam pipes that ran through the hotel and considered the interesting system that ran under Central City supplying it with steam. Here they used steam to heat and cool the hotel, provide power and also clean the dishes and steam the laundry. So with the steam shut down to this massive building, it was costing the hotel a lot of money to use the city's electric to power and heat everything.

If she knew anything about privileged people, they didn't like to have things inconvenienced them. So if someone shut down the steam system for repairs, phone lines to Central had to be practically on fire with all the complaints. What exactly happened at the bank today to cause so many problems? "Want to go for a walk Shao Mei?"

* * *

Roy's team was hard at work with their delegated tasks and he was given a few minutes to bring his newest addition up to speed on the days events. "Archer is going to fire you. What were you thinking? I already got a lecture from Bradley on how I can't control my team."

"Eh, I'm Archer's problem now." Haley shrugged. "Besides, if you think I can't bullshit my way out of this,  _you sir_  have forgotten how good I am at my job. I'll just gave him the lecture about how fragile minded alchemists are and how precious assets need to be petted and stroked to stop from cracking. It's all good."

"Super." Roy leaned against the wall. He wished it was a lie, but she knew first hand how much they abused their brains to get the job done. Accomplishing the unthinkable came in many varieties; some with the power of alchemy and others with the lack of humanity. Either way, it took it's toll. "So, what do you think?"

"About your plans?" She shrugged. "Brilliant, but don't let that go to your head. I still am waiting to hear what you replace the gold with so nobody knows you stole it."

Roy finally laughed. "I don't have a clue. I'm making this up as I go."

Haley put her hands in her pockets and thought about it. It didn't bother her in the least he was going on a half-cocked plan to rob the country, she knew battle plans never made it far. If people really understood how much luck and improvisation made up military strategy, they'd never look at generals the same way again. Instinct got you farther than anything; it kept you alive and won you victories. So when he told her about this impromptu bank robbery she didn't bat an eye; an opportunity presented itself and he would be a fool to not take it. He was doing an excellent job orchestrating this with everyone on hand, but it would all fall apart if they couldn't figure out how to tie it together with a huge gold bow. She she quickly formulated her own plan and nodded. "I'll take care of it."

"Seriously?"

"I'm going to need to bring Kimblee in on this though." She said and gave a laugh of disbelief at her own insane idea. "You know that weird obsession he has with fruit cake?"

"Yeah." Roy waited, not wanting to assume she was going to suggest that they replace all the gold with fruit cake.

"I actually read his research papers." She chuckled again. " I think the density would be the same as gold and you can just find a way to coat it to make it look the same. While you're robbing the bank, we'll go rob the fruitcake factory."

roy thought about it. He could find no fault in that logic and eventually just shook his head and said."I can't believe people trust us with their lives."

"I know, right?" She chuckled.

"Then I'll leave it to you. I don't know how you're going to convince him to help..."

"I'll buy the factory tomorrow." She said. "Use the missing product to blackmail them into including some stupid doll collection in the deal. Mrs. Kimblee wants those dolls bad enough that Solf is doing all this fruitcake research nonsense to bankrupt the company for her. "

Roy glanced over at the gold. "How are you going to buy the company tomorrow when there is no gold in the bank for you to use to buy it?"

"Roy, if this is where you think  _all_  the money is, you must believe in hot super spies too." She snorted.

"Haley." Roy bit his lip. "Explain please."

"Rich people don't put their money in the bank for the government to use." She gave him a smile. "We buy banks and stock it with our money and make more money with it. It's like those posters you see advertising why you should spay/neuter your cats. How two cats having kittens over the span of their lives will create so many cats the earth will tilt off it's axis and we'll be suffocated and defeated by the evil feline overlords."

"So you own a bank?"

"Amestris Savings and Loan." She said. "It's what Zane and I keep out money in and run our railroad business with."

"I wish I knew that before I decided to rob the bank with my life savings in it."

"You really need to start learning about how this country works if you're going to run it someday." She grinned.

"We'll save that discussion for when we're both blindfolded and in front of a firing squad." Roy snorted.

"We're robbing the country using an antique locomotive and a warehouse of fruitcake." She shook her head. "I'll still be laughing at our execution."

* * *

"Alex and Al are maintaining the security position within the bank as part of the repair team." Riza had the sketch of the bank on the chalkboard and looked back at her audience. "So we are going to ensure that the tunnels underneath the vault are secure."

Rebecca tapped her finger on the desk and looked over at Barry who was pretending to pay attention. "Protect the bank Barry, not hunt down your executioner."

Barry huffed. "I was not thinking about him."

"You were making chopping motions with your hand and you just doodled a decapitated man on your notebook!" Rebecca grabbed his pencil from him. "Dammit, pay attention! All the gold in Amestris is stored in that bank and if it disappears..so does this country."

"Ok, I'm listening." Barry focused on Riza. "My beautiful supervisor, what do you want me to do?"

"You need to be a sentry at this point, here." Riza marked an 'X' on the street map on the table. "You don't need to be in those sewers fighting anyone, it's too narrow and your blood seal too fragile near water. So you need to just sit and listen, then report to Alex if something is amiss. Can you do that?"

"Sure."

"Rebecca and I are going to patrol the area around the bank, here and here. " She ran her finger around the area and wished she could send the boys down there. The smell was just horrible and without a sense of smell it would have been an ideal task for them. "Our task is to maintain the security of the bank no matter what. Once operations return to normal we can track down Greed and any information about his crew. However our primary objective right now is providing security while renovations are underway."

"Got it." Rebecca said.

Riza stood up and nodded. This was a solid plan, having support above them would come in handy if they needed to raise alarm to a danger in the sewers. "We don't know who was behind today's attack, but the fact remains that we know this is an entry point for spies and criminals already. We can't leave ourselves vulnerable."

"Yeah, well nobody is going to go in the bank when someone can set their crotch on fire or shock them to death." Barry grumbled. "Maybe we should be advertising that as a banking feature instead of the low interest rates, free checking and lollipops for children."

"Or we can stop the great depression from happening." Rebecca said.

"I'm worried about Al's brother. He's hanging out with a murderer." Barry said and looked at Riza.

"Al's hanging out with a murderer." Riza said and shook her head. "Can you please go to the location on the map and follow orders?"

"I was hoping you ladies would change into your ninja gear and put those strap on..." He watched their eyes light up with anger. "Holsters on."

"It's broad daylight. We're going in civilian clothes so we don't stand out." Rebecca said. "Except for the pulling up a manhole cover and jumping into the sewers part."

"Ok." Barry stood up with a sigh. "I'll go."

* * *

Roy clicked open his pocket watch for the fifth time that hour. Things were progressing smoothly and Edward had transmuted the entire sewage line inside the steam line, while adding a gas line in order to give him the fuel for his inferno. The sewage was being redirected to another line the next street over. Then he added a few feet and lowered the entire length of the pipe into the river of waste below.

Next the kid attached the drain pipes from the floor drains in the vaults. The original architects accounted for a need to rid the room of water in case robbers tried to flood it. The weight of water and gold would have caused the floor to give out and the gold to crash into the tunnels beneath the bank. So, instead of losing the gold to a sinkhole and flooding, the drains were going to be how he funneled the melted gold into the re-purposed sewage lines.

Then Ed sealed up the vault so the fires could get hot enough to melt the precious metal bricks. Roy had an access point in the sewers, where the gas line tied in via a shut off value and he could ignite the flame to push it into the room above. Breda, Havoc and Falman had mapped out the perfect set up to turn the vault into an oven. Ed, did everything according to the plans, so now the only failings would be in the engineering or the materials.

Ed was completely worn out from the task and collapsed on the floor of the safety deposit room as soon as he reported in. Hughes took over his care from there and brought him juice boxes he kept in the car for Elicia as well as fruit snacks. Roy was glad someone else was here because he knew he'd be in need of some attention after he was done with his part. It was going to take everything he had to keep up the flames for the duration needed to melt and transport the gold.

He closed his eyes and focused on his mental checklist. Zane had the train ready, Haley and Solf were raiding the fruitcake factory, Breda and Havoc were keeping the remodel crew from straying off task. The only thing left was to go and melt some gold. "I'm going to start the foundry."

"Are you sure you don't..." Maes began be was cut off.

"I don't want anyone else down there with me." Roy said. "If anything goes wrong it's going to be catastrophic failure and I don't want to endanger anyone else. One misplaced spark, a pipe coming loose...too many variables and only one end if something goes awry. I feel confident the tunnel will act as a conduit if something explodes, it will travel the lines to the end and not explode upwards. Too much to feed the fire if it continues down the sewer, so it will follow that line. No, I do this part alone."

Ed sipped on his juice box and Hughes showed him some pictures of Elicia after Mustang left. He glanced up at Hughes and said, "That's worst case scenario right? The plan, he was so confident it would work."

"He protects his people." Hughes said and looked down at Elicia's picture. "It's why we follow him."

Roy let a smirk touch his lips as he heard that. Everyone had such confidence in him, in his ability to lead and his ability to make the impossible happen. Somehow his team managed to help him plan and orchestrate the most ludicrous heist this country would hopefully never know about. He was proud of them but also worried he would let them all down.

He made his way to the trap door Ed had created in the floor and opened it up. Then he climbed down the metal rungs of stairs made out of re-bar the kid pulled from somewhere else. He closed the trap door and took careful steps to avoid slipping and ending up drowning in liquid shit before his genius plan could come to fruition.

Safe on the ground, he walked over to the drain that had the gas line attached to it. He carefully pulled his gloves out of his pockets and closed his eyes to focus. He cleared his mind of all the worries, choosing to temporary release the burden of command and place his trust in the officers he delegated to. He tugged his gloves on and steadied his breathing, it was now or never.

Then his eyes slammed open as he heard a splash from something being kicked into the water. The tunnels echoed the sounds all too easily, but he could tell it was close. His heart rate picked up and he held his breath. Someone was down here with him.

His team knew not to defy this order. If they came down here and distracted him it could be the reason this all failed and crashed down around their heads. They all knew better. So the question was, who else could be down here with him? Were the bank robbers back? He spun and listened for an indicator of where the sound originated from. It was impossible to stay quiet on the walkways, debris was scattered everywhere from when the water levels rose. So he just needed to wait for another sound.

It didn't take more than a few seconds as another crunch echoes from the nearest intersection. He walked slowly, making sure to tip toe around anything he could see while still watching ahead of him. He wasn't that lucky and his boot crushed a rat skull as he tried to step around a beer bottle. The intruder was close and he had his fingers ready to snap when whipped around the corner. He wasn't expecting to be looking down the barrel of a gun, nor past it into the eyes of his wife. "Riza?"

"Roy?" Riza looked up at her husband, the last person in this world she expected to find down in the sewer system.

* * *

 **Author Note** : So I do have a idea of where this story is going in my head, but the majority of it is made up as I go. I really didn't plan to use fruit cake in my grand bank robbery, but it just worked out so well. (And I'm still kinda laughing about it.) Sure, shame on me for not having an outline or a planned focus on this story, but I need to have fun with it or I won't want to write it. It's jerky at times, the flow of a serial story tends to be harder to control than one with everything written out ahead of time, so thanks for sticking with it.

Roy and Riza finally see each other in their 'other jobs'! Inspired by the manga panel where Envy is impersonating Roy and turns the corner with his fingers poised to snap in Riza's face while she points a gun at him. That was  _one_ of those things I planned out ahead of time and the screencap that started this idea to begin with. Only took 80,000 words to get to it. Holy shitsnacks is this going to end up being longer than I intended.


	15. Truth

AN: Sorry for the wait on this chapter. I wasn't in the mood to write and when I was, I just wasn't satisfied with this chapter. Trashed several versions. Enjoy!

* * *

_Covert Affairs_

Chapter 15

**Truth**

* * *

May Chang couldn't say she wasn't used to being ignored, she was one of so many children back home, but here people just refused to see her. It wasn't like this is the towns in eastern Amestris where she had crossed the border. They were nice people, they didn't treat her any different than they would any other visitor. They thought Shao Mei was a cat and she was too young to be traveling by herself, but it was still said out of concern. The people of Central were different; they were sheltered from the outside world and it showed. Amestris tried very hard to keep the people in it's capital happy and also ignorant, something she gathered from interacting with people at the hotel.

It worked in her favor. As long as she stayed clothed in Amestrian fashion she was practically invisible. It wasn't that people didn't acknowledge her, they just didn't  _want_ to because they didn't know how to deal with something from outside their known world. May was thankful for that now as she was on her way to the scene of the bank heist. She just wanted to take a look in case there was a full military response. She hoped there would be, that would mean snooping around Central Command would be easier if tehy were distracted.

As she walked down the alley she kicked a can and thought about her own life as a princess; how she had never really paid attention to the servants in the palace or all the commoners who worked around her without her noticing. This journey was supposed to be solely about finding the answer to immortality and returning home with it so she could help secure her clan's dominance in the royal house and avoid their elimination. However, this adventure was turning out to be an eye opening experience for her, she was no longer that sheltered princess who didn't see the world for what it was. It also made her homesick in a different way because she wanted to go see everything she missed out on so far in her life.

She noticed a man on a stoop ahead and eyed him. Central was also home to a high number of murderers and crime, something she had encountered with her own eyes on many of her investigative trips. Another striking difference from her life in the royal palace. She passed the man and looked at his face, hidden under the shadow of the hood of his jacket. He wore glasses and was clearly trying to remain unnoticed. Something about him intrigued her, but also raised the hairs on her neck. So she turned the corner and walked a little faster.

May felt him though, that man from the alley following her. Shao Mei perched upon her shoulder and tugged her braids telling her she was being followed. Her faithful friend always had her back. If this man thought he was going to have it easy picking on a little girl, he was going to be in for a nasty surprise.

* * *

Riza lowered her weapon and Roy dropped his hand to his side as they stared at each other. She had no idea why the universe seemed to be against them recently as this was way too many consecutive instances of her being shocked by her husband's behavior. Yet it didn't change anything, Roy was still standing in front of her and she wasn't even sure she wanted to ask why he was down here. The tunnel behind him was well lit, probably by lanterns or flashlights since any flame would be insanely dangerous with all the sewer gases and oil coating the sludge. A full array of expressions crossed his face and she knew her own hadn't changed from the shock of turning the corner and seeing him.

Roy felt like he was the unluckiest man in the world. What  _wasn't_  his wife going to catch him in the middle of this week? He was in the process of an impromptu robbery of Amestris and he was going to stand here and draw a blank on what to say to his wife when caught in the act. Then she stood and looked around the corner at the mess of pipes they had created in order to orchestrate this heist. He knew there was no more lying, Riza wasn't going to believe anything but the truth. Even the truth was a little unbelievable. He knew he was on a tight schedule, he really couldn't put off melting the gold much longer. So he went for the truth for a change. "I'm robbing the bank."

Riza just stared at the system of pipes now leading up to the vault and also down into the sewer water. Roy's voice and words registered with her, but her mind struggled to comprehend what he said. Her husband was robbing the bank she was supposed to be protecting, he was stealing from the country's gold reserves. "Why?"

"To keep the gold safe." He said simply and she looked at him. Her sharp brown eyes searched his face to see if he was serious.

"Don't you think that's a little extreme?" She asked. She was trying to buy her brain time to digest what he was telling her. Roy was  _robbing_ the bank, the same bank he saved this afternoon.

"I don't know who we can trust anymore."

"There's a lot of that going around." She said.

"Riza..." He swallowed hard and made another life altering decision in the blink of an eye. "I don't just work at the academy. I'm the head of the counter-terrorism agency and the professor job is just a cover for my actual one. I was in the bank today because we got a tip that it was the target of an attack, I didn't expect it to be that soon. I can't really get into the specifics but right now my priority is making sure the money in the vault stays in Amestris and remains the financial foundation of our country. My team and I have to get this gold out before this bank opens tomorrow. The last thing I wanted to do was lie to you, but when it comes to protecting you and this country I had to make the difficult choice to keep this from you."

She stared at him. "Then why have I never heard of this division?"

"It's a covert department directly under the Fuhrer." Roy said as if that should have been self-explanatory.

"Roy," She paused and looked into his eyes. "No, I mean I would have heard of it because  _I_ work covert ops under the Espionage division."

"Come again?" Roy focused on her now, the gears in his head turning as something from the back of his mind surfaced. His team, especially Kimblee, had been trying to figure out for years who was running the espionage division. They had turned up bodies of Drachma spies, like the one he and Hughes found in the sewers, and they knew  _someone_ was stopping them.

"I'm a spy, Roy." She saw his confusion and understood the feeling. "I've been intercepting spies from Drachma since I left the academy."

He blinked. "My team and I are focused solely on Creta. I was handed the new department after Ishval. Those late nights, I've been decoding intel from West City."

They stood there in silence for a few moments until Riza finally said, "This is why you have been teaching at the academy? This is why you didn't want a promotion?"

"This is why you've been gone weekends doing 'bank transfers'?" Roy countered. "That shampoo, the one that is odor eliminating and military issue...you used it because you've been in places like this and not trying to cover up being with Barry?"

"I told you Barry works with me." She said and paused, she should have know Barry would remain an issue with him. Roy could be stupidly jealous. "He does."

"You're a spy?" He cocked his head and looked at her. Those were real? Hot woman spies were real? Holy shit! "You wouldn't know anything about a murder that happened down in these sewers, would you? Perhaps why a Drachma agent was sniffing around a crime scene?"

Riza swallowed hard.  _He_  had seen that? She thought that saying she was a spy would allow him to conjure up mental images of tight fitting clothes and sexy lingerie, like those damned books she caught him with. However admitting that she was the one to kill that woman was another thing entirely. She saw from his face he already had the answer from her hesitation but she gave him the explanation he was looking for anyway. "Yes. Intel was leaked, I intercepted one of their agents in the sewer system and we fought. Hence that cut lip you noticed. I walked away and she didn't."

"That had to be a hell of a shot. Head shot in these dark sewers while being attacked, that's impressive. Not that I didn't think you could do it...I just thought your shooting skills were recreational and security requirement." Roy recalled the body in the tunnel the day he recruited Ed. He said it as a thoughtful compliment and saw her eyes light up because of it. She too was in a thankless job. "Do you head the division?"

She couldn't believe that they were casually having this discussion now. She knew him, she knew he wasn't lying and was needing more information from her to piece together everything that didn't make sense in their lives. He was brilliant and somewhere in that head of his he hid away all the instances when things just didn't add up. Questions he couldn't ask because it would seem like he didn't trust her. In the end though, they had been lying for years for what? This moment? This moment when they ran into each other trying to save the country, just on different teams? No wonder he was worn out and not pursuing a promotion, he was in charge of saving the city from terrorists from the west. "Grandfather heads it up. I run my team. Rebecca, Barry...we protect Amestris from Drachma."

He noticed a pause as she said Barry's name. There were more people that she wasn't ready to mention. He didn't blame her, he had yet to tell her who was on his team. This felt surreal, confessing it all to her now. As his heart still pounded from the encounter minutes earlier and the nagging knowledge that he was going to have to bring this to a close to complete his task.

Riza could see him thinking it through. She almost said that his Mother was also part of this but he had been shocked enough for one day. None of this solved their current situation: He was here to rob the bank and her job was to protect it. Instead of making a decision she said, "Protecting this gold is one of my major responsibilities. The job at the bank...it's not just a cover job, it has it's purpose as well."

Roy glanced over to the pipes and swallowed hard. The clock was ticking and the last thing he needed was to have a pivotal moment in his life crop up. He knew she was trying to bring him back to the real issue, the one where they were on opposite sides of this situation. "This gold isn't safe here. "

"Apparently not." She wanted to take a deep breath and calm her heart-rate down, but they were in a sewer. A deep breath would make her gag and she had to use all of her senses to read Roy. He was convinced this was the right thing to do and all he had to do was manipulate the oxygen concentration to cause her to pass out in order to continue with what he was doing. His gloves were already on and it wouldn't take much for him to increase the Oxygen concentration in her vicinity to end this conversation. She hated that she had to think that way of the man that she loved, but she knew his arsenal of moves and his way of thinking. He would do it to spare her making a decision to stop him, because he felt that this was the way to protect her and the country. She had to watch his face for his concentration, if he was manipulating molecules he would have to focus on it. Why was God pitting them against each other!? Would she really attack him if he made the first move?

Roy heard her worry in her voice. She was a trained soldier, no a trained spy. His wife knew him better than he knew himself, she already guessed his next move before he realized he might need to make it. He wasn't going to fool himself into thinking that she was just going to ignore her job because he said so. He was going to have to convince her that he knew what he was doing and if anyone could see through him it was her.  _Shit_. "This is the only way to ensure this money is safe. From Greed and also from whomever is leaking information from within Central Command,"

"So Greed is from Creta?"

"I have no idea." He admitted and then walked over to the pipes to explain what was going to happen. What  _needed_ to happen  _soon._  "However I'm on a tight schedule and I'll figure it out when we know our gold is safe. Well, what gold is remaining since we believe the vault is short a sum of it. There isn't enough here to back all the Cenz in circulation. Until we get to the bottom of this, we need to protect what we know is here."

"Gold is missing?" She asked and watched him nod. Gold was already missing?

"If it gets out that there is not enough money here to support our paper money, it will do just as much damage as a robbery or someone destroying the building. Riza, someone has targeted the very foundation of Amestris and is poised to deal a crippling blow. If you're not going to help me than you need to shoot me. I can not stand idly by and allow enemies of our country to destroy us. At least if you shoot me you can bring attention down on this bank and make sure so many eyes are on it nobody will try anything."

She stared at him wide-eyed. "Roy..."

"I need you to believe in me Riza. This is the last thing I want to be doing, but I have to. I'm not asking you to help, I won't make you an accomplice. However I really need to start the process  _now,_ otherwise we're going to run out of time. Just turn and walk away, please. If I'm wrong, I'll let you take me in and confess everything. I'm running out of time."

"Tell me what you're going to do with it." She said quickly, the needy look in his eyes coupled with the urgency of his voice was enough to make her waver on her convictions. He believed in this enough to risk everything, she had to give him the chance to make her believe it too.

"I'm going to melt it, send it down the pile to the Main Street Depot and get it out of town."

"To where?"

Roy bit his lip. Shit. He didn't exactly clarify that with Zane. "Somewhere safe."

"The bank manager checks the vault every morning. He'll discover the gold is missing and it's not going to take a genius to figure out who had access." She wasn't going to throw in her lot with him until she heard a sold plan. Perhaps she could talk him out of this. They could heighten security at the bank, but from what she was seeing in front of her...it wasn't good enough. He was right, the gold wasn't safe because Roy was robbing the bank with some half-cocked plan and would succeed if she didn't step in his way. Dammit! There was no right answer here!

"We have a plan." Roy said.

She looked at him and he deliberately didn't look at her. "Roy, you're not doing a great job of convincing me you're not the enemy."

"Fruitcake." Roy spat out. "We're replacing it with fruitcake and coating that with some gold bricks we stored in the safety deposit vault to avoid having them melted."

Riza felt sick and it wasn't just the stench. Roy must have lost his mind.

"Riza, I'm running out of time. Please, you have to trust me. I know it sounds insane, but I  _am_  robbing the bank. I'm using the steam, sewage and gas lines to heat and transport the gold. I'm going to melt it, keep the furnace in the pipes going to keep it liquid with Flame alchemy. It's going to travel down the line to the antique train that may or may not move once it's loaded. Then Fullmetal will come down, repair the lines and Kimblee will show up and make gold bricks with fruitcake. I'll coat it all with gold and we'll go to the station and find out where the train is going with it."

"Kimblee...and fruitcake." Riza recalled the research she had read and looked at him. Something that sent up a red flag in her mind. She remembered that research, she had read it throughly trying to find the reason behind it. Still, something was off if Roy was counting on the Crimson Alchemist to pull through for him. "You trust Kimblee?"

"Nobody trusts him." Roy said. "But I trust Haley Whitman and she's taken on this part of the heist and decided to use him. I didn't have many options."

"So his research is real?" Riza asked, "And her porn is..."

"Yes. He's been trying to bankrupt the Fruitcake business so he could get his Mom some dolls. The porn is how we send intel from West City to Central. It's still not my porn."

"So the train is Whitman's." Riza said as pieces began to fall into place. This was by far the most insane plan she had ever heard, but he was going to make it work. If she wasn't teetering on the edge of a decision that would turn her into a criminal or make her turn him in for his criminal activities, she'd be proud of him. "I don't understand Kimblee though. Why would you have him on your team?"

"Kimblee wasn't my choice, but we're managing him. I have a great team. If we've kept him from going ballistic then it's a testament to the great people I have working for me." Roy waited and resisted the urge to check his pocket watch. "Riza, I know I'm asking a lot but will you trust me? Can you let me save our country? I promise when this is all over and if I survive the hell Grand is going to unleash on me tomorrow...I'll tell you everything. Everything. Then we can work together to try and figure out who the hell is doing this and why it was so important to keep us in the dark about each other. Something is horribly wrong in our government and it has nothing to do with what our enemies are doing in the shadows. We've been working against each other, Bradley knows that. He's trying to keep our hands tied while still asking us to perform our jobs. It's counter productive which means there is a higher purpose. Will you join us?"

"Yes." She said and watched him relax. She didn't need tothink anymore, she just had to act on her gut instinct. Her gut told her Roy knew what he was doing and everything he said reinforced what she already believed: Bradley was up to something. She believed him, she believed in him. He'd never endanger the people he cared for and he'd never ask her to do something like this unless it was the only way. Everything he said made sense, every connection he made helped her make sense of information that just didn't sit right with her. "However we need to merge teams, now."

"We don't have time for a meeting." Roy pulled out his watch and closed his eyes. Shit. They barely had time for a bank robbery.

"Roy, my team is upstairs. We're working against each other  _right now_." Riza said and put her gun away.

"Honey, right now I need you to get out of this tunnel. If something goes wrong, it's going to go  _horribly_  wrong. There is a hatch there, it goes up to the bank basement and it will keep you safe." Roy walked over to the pipes and pointed to the hatch. "Bring them in on it, Maes is up there and I trust him to speak for me as leader of this team. I just have to start this now and you can't be here."

"I'm not leaving you." Riza said simply and watched his face show his frustration and anxiety.

"Riza." he said softly and put his hand on her shoulder. "No...I won't risk your life..."

"I risk my life all the time and you never knew about it. I'm staying. You're going to be exhausted after you finish this and someone is going to have to make sure you get up that ladder safe and don't fall into the sewer water and drown. I'm staying." She ran her hand through his hair and down his cheek. "I need to watch your back too. I won't be able to get word to Rebecca and you can't afford another conversation like this. WE don't know if Greed will be back either. Go ahead, start your robbery."

* * *

"Dammit Mustang." Basque Grand was fuming as he looked at the notepaper in his hand. He sat in the back seat of the car as his driver sped along to the scene of the bank robbery. He couldn't fucking believe that that bastard set the bank on fire or that he took the new Fullmetal kid with him! " _Dammit_  Mustang!"

Grand kicked the back of the seat in front of him and looked out the window. He had been in Tucker's lab this afternoon demanding to see progress on his Chimera project. So far Tucker was just making worthless shit, things the military had no use for. He needed creatures that could be used as weapons, not just guard animals and oddities to fill the cages in circus freak shows. He wasn't paying him so he could play with government resources like that. He wanted results and apparently it was going to take threats and Tucker's tears to get things done.

Meanwhile his prize war machine was out destroying government property and putting the financial stability of the country at risk. Job well done Mustang! People were fearful enough of alchemy, why not destroy their life savings in the middle of the capital to make them  _really_  worry? He had Kimblee to thank for that little bit of information as he was the only soldier who had the balls to interrupt his Tucker tirade. Nobody else thought it important to disrupt the meeting. Solf damned Kimblee was having to tell him that three of his people had torn the First Bank of Amestris to shreds. Kimblee who was busy laughing about it and was just weird as Tucker's little pets. So he left Tucker crying in his lab and called his office.

He was pleasantly surprised that Mustang had been a good little soldier and came to report his destruction. His secretary chattered on about how he was such a great man to look up to because he protected Fullmetal from the scathing remarks of miserable old bigot Commanche. Grand grunted. Commanche hung out at the office most days in order to harass other alchemists and try to get them fired. He wasn't surprised there was an exchange of words, Commanche was the biggest opponent of young people having such power and privilege. His secretary then informed him that there was  _anothe_ r alchemy related event right outside the building, as Mustang set Commanche's wooden leg on fire.

This job didn't pay enough; holding alchemists accountable for their actions and research was like trying to fish with your hands. They were all such smart bastards. They were already mentally capable of finding loopholes in the laws of the universe so running circles around the military rules and regulations was child's play. They were the treasured State Alchemists and damned near every one of them took advantage of that status. Half the time they weren't where they were supposed to be and the other half they were doing something appalling that guaranteed his phone was always ringing.

So he crumpled the note in his hand that he had written down all the information on; his long list of things he had to yell at Mustang for. He knew Fuhrer Bradley wouldn't press the issue, but Grand wanted to do more than bury Flame in punitive paperwork. He wanted the man knocked down in rank, he wanted every bit of damage done by everyone in that bank lumped onto that smarmy shit. Mustang was the commander there and that was how the military worked! However he had yet to talk with Bradley on the matter and wouldn't do so until he had the reports in his hands. He was sick of this shit. He expected it from the research alchemists who hid in their labs but any of his men in uniform were held to a higher standard. A full Colonel should know better. Even worse Grumman was trying to push to make that boy a General. HA! Not in his lifetime.

By the time they reached the location of the bank he was livid. The road was blocked off by barricades and trucks were in front of the bank to clear out the debris, so his driver stopped on the corner. Grand got out and the driver pulled ahead to get out of traffic and park on a side road. It was good, that way he could collect his thoughts before marching in and demanding answers. He could clear his head by surveying the damage to the Armstrong Insurance building and make a decision on his approach to the situation. Did he want to humiliate Mustang in front of these men? It would be unprofessional, but there was that annoying little title of 'Hero of Ishval' that grated on his nerves. It's not like any of these men worked for him, he was nothing but a stupid teacher. A full Colonel before he turned 30? He didn't know the reason Mustang was the first to achieve that, but he knew he would be the last.

Grand walked down the empty street and looked up at the Armstrong Insurance building. He shielded his eyes from the setting sun and looked up at the new balcony on the fourth floor. It was adorned with gargoyles. The Fullmetal Alchemist was a talented kid, there was no questioning that. The balcony was a work of art and the boy did it with no transmutation circles while hanging upside down from a four story building. Another thing he could hang over Mustang's head was the endangerment of an asset like Fullmetal, what they hell was the kid doing jumping off a roof? Special indeed. Grand shook his head.

"Basque Grand."

Grand turned and looked at a man who was standing on the sidewalk behind him. A tall civilian in a tan jacket wearing sunglasses. "We've closed off the road to all but military personnel. You'll have to go around."

May Chang watched from around the corner as the man she saw in the alley pushed his hood off. She had crossed the street to get away from him, but then realized he was walking somewhere with a purpose. Curiosity made her follow him. She raised her eyebrows as he walked up to the big military man with the mustache and outstretched his arm. Then it happened, an explosion. Something with so much dispersed energy that made her shudder. The military man was no more than a body with a head popped like a engorged tick as his blue figure slumped to the ground. She stared wide-eyed at the scene as the man turned to come back to the street. Tan skin, white hair and red eyes, with an X shaped scar on his face. The man was an Ishvalian!

* * *

Barry couldn't believe what he was seeing. Holy shit! Some guy just blew up a dude's head in broad daylight!

It made something flutter in his soul. Those memories from days gone by when he could grab a woman and put her in his truck and carve her up...but even  _he_  had to hide in his truck to get away with it. Even if he did it on a busy street, even if that joy of knowing that people were just walking by his vehicle while a murder was happening...he still was hiding behind the aluminum shell of a truck.

He was so flustered by seeing the blood splatter again that he almost couldn't think. He calmed himself.  _Barry, you have a woman to impress and right now her husband is really on the verge of getting into a shit ton of trouble for destroying the bank. Use this to score points. Riza means more than savoring past kills. Riza will be so happy with the information._

So he walked to the end of the alley next to the insurance agency and peaked out around the corner. He grabbed the military guy's foot and pulled him down the alley into the dark so nobody would see him dead on the sidewalk. Hopefully they didn't notice the blood splatter on the side of the building, but it was a disaster area after all. Who would really notice some little thing like brain matter on the windows?

Next, he was going to have to figure out a way to make contact with the team. Riza and Rebecca were in the tunnels so no way to contact them. Al and Alex were in the bank, so he  _could_  call them. They had phone service right? That was something that crazy ass alchemist didn't strike with his lightning. So he kicked in the side door to the insurance agency and sat down at the desk. Then he dialed the bank, happy that he memorized Riza's office phone number. He just had to pretend to be someone looking for Al, right? Except they knew who he was because Whitman was in there so he needed an alias. He could be a girlfriend! Al's girlfriend!

" _Hello!"_  Barry said in his best girly voice.  _"I'm calling for Alphonse!"_

Maes Hughes cocked an eyebrow. Someone was calling for Al? Someone that sounded like they were in a submarine mimicking an old lady? He leaned against the desk and allowed his fatherly instincts to kick in. "I'm sorry, who is this?"

" _Uh,"_  Barry looked around the office and saw a calendar. Rabbits...dressed up in costumes doing Shakespeare? Whatever. He needed a name and fast.  _"Bunny. I'm Al's girlfriend."_

"He doesn't have a girlfriend." Maes said and wondered why the lady sounded so strange. Maybe a bad connection?

" _We just met! Today! We were playing Scrabble together and Clue! I heard the bank got robbed and I need to talk to my sweet, adorable Al right now!"_ Barry chirped. Dammit, he said Bunny when he meant to say Juliet! Fuck. This was why he never got to do real field work.

"Lady, how old are you?" Hughes could detect a deepness to the person's voice that shouldn't be present in a young girl Al's age. It was the worst attempt at a girl's voice that he had heard which was saying A LOT considering Roy Mustang loved to goof off on the radio and the karaoke bar.

" _Lady!"_  Barry gasped. Ok maybe imitating his late wife was a bad choice. He needed to sound like a 13 year old girl.  _"Look mister! How dare you make fun of my voice! I'm a little girl and my Al sees me for the wonderful girl I am. Witty, charming and great in the kitchen. I want to talk to him now!"_

Maes grunted. Well he'd just have to hang around at the door to the office and listen in. Why would Al have a girl call him at Riza's extension? What was he doing here late at night while working security? He had the job a day or two at most! God! He only got this kid last week and he was already ruined and wild. "Hang on."

" _YAY! My Alphonse!"_ Barry squealed.

Maes frowned. Everything on his parental control panel was blinking a warning alarm and he was hesitant to let Al get on the phone. However he knew that he couldn't sit down with Al and discuss something that  _might_  be happening, he had to witness something in order to express his concern. So he'd let Al and  _Bunny_  talk. "Hey Al, a phone call for you."

Al saw some of the curious glances and just decided to ignore them. "Uh, Ok."

"Bunny."

Al was glad he didn't have facial expressions because he would have given Hughes the most bizarre look. Instead he just stood there and waited to see if the man would explain that or just keep staring at him. He had that scrutinizing gaze as if Al's next words would condemn or vindicate him. So he just replied, "OK."

Maes turned and walked back to the office. That didn't get him a reaction, but Al was a suit of armor so that wasn't surprising. He pointed to the phone and smiled, Al scooted past him and he watched Al's back as he picked up the phone. too bad Ed was downstairs taking a nap, he would have been able to get answers from his little brother.

"Uh, hello?"

" _Al, it's Barry. But call me Bunny because that guy needs to think I'm your girlfriend._ "

"Ok, Hi." Al said and then added, "Bunny."

" _Look, I need to get a message to Riza but I can't get into the sewers without being seen._ "

"I thought you were already..." Al paused and could feel Mr. Hughes's eyes on him. OK, he had to use code. He was a secret agent now, he had to maintain that. "In the  _basement_. Wasn't that were you were told to go?"

" _Oh, you're smart kid. Yeah, those were my orders but you know how hard it is to be in this body and not be seen, right? I was trying to get to the manhole over here because I can't cross the street but then some guy comes up to a soldier and calls him, Basque Grand. The soldier guy was was looking at the building over here. Then this guy, some dude with a scar on his face, just blows up the soldier's head! It was awesome!"_

"What?" Al tried to mask his horror as he knew Hughes would ask what was wrong. Barry was prattling on like it was the best thing ever and not a gruesome murder. Someone, blew up a man's head? Did one of Greed's crew have that ability? Riza and Rebecca has mentioned the robbers had some weird abilities, but to do something like implode a skull...it required alchemy.

" _I need you to get a message to Riza. Tell her that some guy just murdered Basque Grand in the street and I covered it up by dragging his body into the alley. However the murderer walked away so I don't know if he's one of the robbers or not."_

"Ok. I'll ask Mr. Armstrong to come pick you up." Al said as he remembered the new alchemist was now on their team. It would be nice to get rid of him for a while. He was tired of hearing about every painting he was hanging up on the walls.

" _Good thinking. I'm worried about Riza, I mean there is a murderer in the streets!"_

"You mean you?" Al asked.

" _No the other guy! But damn, he had balls doing it in the open."_

* * *

The fruitcake bits bobbed and floated down the sewer as Kimblee and Whitman walked along the access way beside it. The entire causeway was covered in a layer of fruitcake. Haley cleared her throat. "So, explain to me why these things aren't sinking but yet will have the density of a gold brick at the end of the line?"

"The nasty gel fruit bits," Solf said with a grin. "I blew them up when I broke up the bread. So now all the pockets were those disgusting nuggets were are air pockets. Like a hull of ship, just with bread."

"Neat." She replied. The fruitcake factory heist was easier than she thought it would be. The storage warehouse was separate from the baking facility so all they needed to do was open a hole in the floor and start blowing up cake then shove it down the hole with a forklift. Kimblee was like a excited child, reminding her what a creepy bastard he was in Ishval. Same Kimblee, whether he was blowing up people or fruitcake.

"So how did you get to Central so fast?" Kimblee asked and noted that the fruitcake did not absorb any thing. New research for his assessment next year.

"I hopped a freight line." She said and flickered the flashlight over the pastries in the poo. "Freight trains don't make stops. They also leave at scheduled times like clockwork. They run along lines outside the city and can travel faster."

"Interesting." Kimblee filed that away for later use. "Also interesting that you'd involve me in this heist."

"We both know you don't give a shit about right or wrong, only what is interesting." Haley kept walking. "So I gave you interesting."

"How do you know I won't sell you all out?" He queried

"You probably think you can get more blackmailing us to stay quiet than the government will give you for being a snitch." She replied.

"True."

Alex Armstrong stood in the tunnel and looked at the sewer water as it turned from sewage to a concentrated layer of moving solids. He stepped closer trying to figure out what the hell it was and then heard voices. He froze and prepared himself for a fight if need be.

Haley saw him first and kept walking towards him, acting as casual as she could. She saw his eyes react to the surprise of seeing a familiar face in the underground sewage tunnels of Central. Well she was going to have to think quick to come up with a reason for being here with Kimblee! When she arrived at the bank earlier, she and Alex had exchanged pleasantries and she made it clear she was only in town to make sure Zane was OK. Alex teared up, as usual, and she took the opportunity to scoot over to Hughes on her way to find answers. However, taking a leisurely stroll with Kimblee in the sewer system was a long way from doting on her brother. "Hi Alex!"

Solf looked over her shoulder and grimaced. Well blowing up a body of his size was going to make the walkway slick and hard to negotiate. Though he was curious if the blood would sparkle as it flew through the air.

"Haley?" Alex blinked. "What are you doing down here? I thought Zane went home?"

"I'm on a date." She replied. "With my boyfriend here, bachelor of the year and fashion guru Solf. Zane was fine, so I took the opportunity to spend time with sexy here."

Alex looked at Kimblee as he smiled and waved. "In the sewers?"

"I'm doing research." Kimblee said. "No matter how many times I tell her I'm a busy man, she just barges in and expects me to drop everything for her, including my pants. I have work to do, Basque Grand is on some rampage about research grant abuse and I need to catch up on mine. He made Shou Tucker cry today, apparently the military in a land locked country doesn't need mermaids."

"Research?" Alex looked at the sea of questionable product floating on the water. What the hell was that?

"My fruitcake research." Solf said and watched Alex's confusion unfold on his face. "Can't say more, top secret stuff you know."

"Fruitcake...in the sewers?" Alex asked. Oh, this was going to make it hard to want to enjoy the delicious treat again.

"Yes." Kimblee grinned. "Consider this a public service announcement: fruitcake is not healthy. It's not real fruit and it's not cake. It's a disgusting block of non-decomposing, non-digestible food without an expiration date. It's like giving your dog rawhide, it just sits in your gut like a rock. Horrible stuff."

"You're researching it for what purpose?" Alex asked. He couldn't believe Kimblee was actually genuinely researching this bread. His sister had mentioned the 'Fruitcake Alchemist and his goddamned flowers and poems' when he rode with her on the train. If Kimblee was down here with his 'girlfriend' and was flirting with Olivier this weekend, his womanizing reputation well earned. He had to refocus. He was on a spy mission, not a matchmaking mission. He had to figure out why they were here and inform them it was dangerous. "Why are you in the sewers?"

"The research... is about the absorption ability of fruitcake as a solution to...the increasing population and escalating pollution problems in Central City." Haley answered. Solf chuckled behind her clearly entertained by her bullshit.

"Fruitcake?" Alex said sadly. Damn, everything that tastes delicious was bad for you. He looked over and smiled at them. "You're doing this on a date?"

"Yup." Solf wrapped his arms around his 'girlfriend'. "She couldn't stand being away from me but I have work to do so here we are. See, I even have special gloves just for altering the cake."

Alex raised his eyebrows as the man produced some food service gloves with arrays drawn in sharpie marker on them. "You're doing Alchemy research together?"

"With fruitcake and a river of shit. Yup." Haley nodded.

"That's so beautiful!" Alex squeaked. Perhaps their love was true afterall, an alchemist would only share his research with someone he loved and trusted!

Kimblee groaned as Armstrong found a way to rip his shirt off and flex in the restricted space.. "Why doesn't his sister take her clothes off like that?"

"When properly motivated, she does." Haley replied.

* * *

AN: So sorry that these chapters keep getting longer and longer. It just happens. Hope this was a satisfying chapter, let me know what you guys think.

"Bunny" Barry is from the manga where Barry calls Roy as one of his 'girlfriends'.


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